I am really annoyed. I am going on vacation this week because my boss is getting on my nerves.
How would you like it if your boss talked to you all the time about how you get on with your neighbours and whether or not you've paid your bills on time? Oh wait, come to think of it, he's not even my boss. My boss is actually based in the Manchester head office and I am supposed to have supervision meetings with her. And then there is the other person with whom I'm supposed to meet with, the chairperson, but he is a mirage seen only every now and again, and just when you think you've got a good view, poof, it's gone. And then of course, there is the Volunteer Director, who has been on leave for two months now. She is back in the office, but when I phoned to speak to her, the secretary was playing gatekeeper and wouldn't put me through. I left a message and a week later, I've still not heard from her.

How about this, folks? Come live on a ghetto council estate in one of the worst areas of the whole of northwest England, work with children with behavioural problems, get shit about it from your neighbours, no support from any member of management, a chastisement anytime you ask to go to a training, and oh yeah, live on £55 a week. How does that sound? Yes, please, sign me up!!!

Yet these people seem to think they are doing ME a favour. Okay, I'll stop abusing your goodwill and leave this oasis of beauty of tranquility and let you manage the forty two young people, organize work projects and trips, recruit adult volunteers from the estate and build them up so they become confident enough to start to make a real contribution to the youngsters. Go on. I've really taken enough from you kind folks already. What with the posh flat with a leaking roof, a broken door, and a wooden door acting as my bed, I really ask too much. Oh and the washing machine with no handle, the three legged table in the kitchen, the broken lamp and nightstand, I've been far too greedy.

I know I go on and on about these e-card thingees, but I think they are so funny! I am easily amused, though, especially when it comes to animals! I watch the cats and dogs around our estate and laugh with glee. Hey, it's the simple things in life, right? RIGHT??!!

Hey, hey, I'm back already. So, what did I do with all that time for myself? Well, some kids came over and I worked with them for awhile and then I took a nap. Woohoo. (That's a sarcastic woohoo, in case you didn't notice!) I really need to get back home and do some washing and cleaning up. I had wanted to do some laundry for the past couple of days now, but didn't because it was raining! I hang my clothes out on the line, ok? I could, of course, hang them on the radiator, but then they smell funny...

Tomorrow I will be going with the kids to LaserQuest. Yippee! Shooting one another with lasers is fun for all.

Better go, is starting to get dark and don't want to walk alone at night in the ghetto.

Bye, bye!

Love,
Sabrina :-)

Hello, hello. Well, I started off the day by doing another CPR course. It was good and it refreshed my memory as well as learning how to use a defibrilator, which can't be a bad thing, right? This training only took an hour and a half, but the one I did with the kids took seven hours! And this one was free. Only one other person from the community turned up, but I suppose that is better than nothing. I hadn't really publicized a lot b/c I had an upper limit of six people. Anywhoo, I'm organizing another one for later in the summer and will spread the word.

We're also organizing a community clean up day for Saturday, 26 June. I just made the flyer for that and got some nifty posters from the Tidy Britain campaign. I can't photocopy them, though, b/c our machine is all buggered. :( Oh well. The main thing I have to work on this weekend is getting a presentation together for the conference on Tuesday, but my stomach is growling, so maybe I'll have lunch first! :-)

Olka and I were supposed to be in Stoke this afternoon, but I never got the final details from the person who was picking us up, so we didn't want to run the risk of being stranded at the Stoke train station and waste four hours of travel time. Ah well.
Now I have more time for ME! Actually, I have more time to work on this presentation, which is probably what I'm going to do.

So, did everyone watch Big Brother last night? Kitten got evicted. I think the rules she broke were piddly and the real reason they kicked her out was because she's due in court this week, or there could be other reasons.

Ah well, off to lunch. Hope all is with everyone!

Love,
Sabrina

This page talks about quotes that help thru life. I was doing a search for the Einstein quote about doing the same things over again and expecting different results and came across that page. I was looking for the Einstein quote because it seems to be what so many people do, and that is what is happening here on the estate on which I'm working. They want change, they want youth to be happy, thereby not busting out windows or setting things on fire, but they don't like doing new things to make that change happen. They really want Olka and I to keep doing the things that were done before, that made no difference. Why the hell did you recruit two people from different countries, having them bring their lives, knowledge and expertise to this estate in Salford and just carry on doing what you have been doing for years? It doesn't make sense.

Anyhow, I haven't written in awhile b/c I pulled a muscle in my back and was bed ridden. :-( I couldn't even open the door for the doctor when she came and had to drop the keys out of my bedroom window! She gave me some painkillers, though, and then I was able to make my way down the hall to the toilet with an ounce of dignity. Before, I would crawl if I could get myself up that far, or else sliver like a snake. Yeah, not a whole lot of dignity going on there!

It's Bank Holiday weekend, yippee! In America, this weekend is the unofficial start of Summer. Here in Britain, it seemed to be back on May Day, or the first bank holiday during the first week of May.

So, I have applied for admission to the University of Ulster, Magee Campus, for the MA in Peace and Conflict Studies. I've only sent it off a week and a half ago, so I've not heard anything. Fingers crossed...

Well I've got a lot of entertainment gossip to catch up on, so I'll catch you all later!

Love,
Sabrina :-)

Oh these baby cards make me laugh like a schoolgirl. The problem I think with this site, or maybe it's just my computer, is that it has these annoying pop up ads and changes the homepage of your browser. It is quickly fixed, but annoying nonetheless. What do you expect for free, right?

I am not at all well and this is actually the first time I've left the house in two days. I'm still in my pajamas and my hair is sticking out, but I wanted to quickly check my email. Olka took one look at me yesterday and was like "Are you okay?" I'm just pale as a sheet and in pain, but hey, that's life. Actually, I've got to get back to bed now. Hope all is well.

This card absolutely made me cry. Aww....

I tell you how I feel, but you don't care
I say tell me the truth but you don't dare
You say love is a hell you cannot bear
And I say gimme mine back and then go there - for all I care

Fiona Apple - Sleep to Dream
http://www.neverisapromise.com/niap/lyrics/tidal/sleeptodream.htm

Seriously, Ronan, you suck. You suck really bad.

See i dont, know why, i liked you so much
I gave you all, of my trust
I told you, i loved you, now thats all down the drain
Ya put me through pain, i wanna let u know how i feel


Fuck what i said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses, they didnt mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, i dont want you back

Ya questioned, if i care
You could ask anyone, i even said
Ya were my great one
Now its, over, but i do admit i'm sad

Eamon - Fuck It (I Don't Want You Back)
http://www.lyred.com/lyrics/EAMON/F%2A%2AK+It/F%2A%2Ak+it/

You call me up and you tell me how much you love me and how much you want to be with me and that you are "crystal clear" about what you want now. You even tell me you'll go with me around the world and that you want to spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE with me. I'm dubious, as usual, but when you start talking about marriage and shit, I'm thinking, "maybe he's serious this time". You reassured me that everything was going to be fine. We talked about my immigration paperwork. I applied for my Masters at Magee, we were going to live together. I seriously feel like a complete and utter moron.

I have never been so insulted in all my life
I could swallow the seas to wash down all this pride
First you run like a fool just to be at my side
And now you run like a fool, but you just run to hide, and I don't abide

I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream
You got your head in the clouds and you're not all what you seem
This mind, this body, and this voice cannot be stiffled by your deviant ways
So don't forget what I told you, don't come around, I got my own hell to raise

Fiona Apple - Sleep to Dream
http://www.neverisapromise.com/niap/lyrics/tidal/sleeptodream.htm

Get outta my mouth
Get outta my head
Get outta my mind
Stop puttin' words in my head
Get outta my mouth
You're nothing but trouble
Get outta my life
Get out of me
Out of me (out of me)

TLC - Dear Lie

you really got me going, you got me so I don't know what I'm doing
yea, you really got me now, you got me so I can't sleep at night
yea, you really got me now, you got me so I don't know what I'm doing
You really got me
The Kinks
http://www.lyricsxp.com/lyrics/y/you_really_got_me_the_kinks.html

How many times do I have to say
To get away-get gone
Flip your shit past another lasses
Humble dwelling
You got your game, made your shot, and you got away
With a lot, but I'm not turned-on
So put away that meat you're selling
Cuz I do know what's good for me-
And I've done what I could for you
But you're not benefiting, and yet I'm sitting
Singing again, sing, sing again
How can I deal with this, if he won't get with this
M'I gonna heal from this; he won't admit to it
Nothing to figure out; I gotta get him out
It's time the truth was out that he don't give a
Shit about me
How many times can it escalate
Till it elevates to a place I can't breathe?
And I must decide, if you must deride
That I'm much obliged to up and go
I'll idealize, then realize that it's no
Sacrifice, because the price is paid, and
There's nothing left to grieve
Fuckin go-
Cuz I've done what I could for you, and I do know what's
Good for me and I'm not benefiting, instead
I'm sitting singing again, singing again, singing again,
Sing, sing, sing again
How can I deal with this, if he won't get with this
M'I gonna heal from this; he won't admit to it
Nothing to figure out; I gotta get him out
It's time the truth was out that he don't give a
Shit about me
Fiona Apple - "Get Gone"
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/fionaapple/getgone.html

Why do we
Crucify ourselves
Every day
I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day
And my heart is sick of being in chains

Tori Amos - "Crucify"
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/toriamos/crucify.html

You really got me this time.

The words of a dozen love gone wrong songs fill my head as I try desperately to grasp what has happened today.

I went to sleep last night envisioning our lives together and I was awoken this morning...

I feel so beaten - defeated. Talk about flogging a dead horse. I've been through this with you at least a half dozen times. I suppose that says more about me than you.

I truly believed you when you said you wanted to spend your life with me. I thought this was the logical next step for us. I thought our time had finally come.

36 hours later you change your mind and tell me via text.

I feel like a fool - a moron. Like this will happen to me my whole life. That I will love and not be loved back the same way just as it has been in every previous relationship.

Ronan said...

“I miss the way you looked into my eyes when we were in the car together; the way you touched the back of my hair and stroked my face.”

“I miss feeling loved when you kissed me.”

This all reminds me very much of Duncan, who always “loved” me, was always apologetic and who always dumped me without warning.

Ronan as Duncan and Jason as Mike?

As my life repeats itself over and over again.

Jason loves me, a lot, but just “not that way”. Yet he is ridiculously sexually attracted to me – even more so than to his girlfriend. He flew here from Belfast just to spend one day with me.

So what do I do to stop my life from going 'round in circles? Counseling, dieting, career, school, friends – what? I feel I've done so many things that have taken me so far away form where I was before (not just physically, but mentally). Yet once my life starts going forward again, it's like the tape got stuck and I'm living it over in different places with different people, but the story is always the same.

“All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces.” -Mad World, Gary Jules

I've met people form different countries, different cultures, all around the Western World and still my life continues to be just like it was at Gavit High School in Hammond, Indiana with the boy from down the street. Why? I've not only moved, but I've also had many life experiences which have completely changed my way of thinking and how I live my life.

Mondays. Normally I don't like Mondays (kind of like that song, though not that extreme) but I've started taking Mondays off work and they are a lot better now. I don't work forty hours a week, or at least I'm not supposed to, so I decided no work for me on Monday. I'm working today, though, but it's just meetings so not too bad. I went to the dr. this morning to get some more blood taken. I am really a wuss at this sort of thing and get all dizzy and lightheaded when they've taken like a nano-ounce of blood. Well, I am anemic after all! Anyhoo, this is to see if the iron pills are working and if the mysterious infection that was in my body before has gone or not. Then I have a meeting in a bit to discuss some new international volunteers for the fall and then at 3:30 a meeting with Groundwork to discuss a joint project.

It is a beautiful day in the neighbourhood today! We might paint our fence tomorrow with the kids. Olka says ours is the shabbiest on our street. Funny how I never noticed...

Well, I better do some work before my meeting. You know, since Monday's my day off and all!

Later gators,
Sabrina :-)

Weeeeeeeeeheeeeeeeeeeee, it's Friday! I like Friday. I like Friday because it is immediately followed by Saturday. I really like Saturday. I really like Saturday because (theoretically) I don't have to work. And then there's Sunday...
You get my point.

I've no plans for the weekend other than to go to the post office (yay, rah) and maybe grocery shopping (hold on to your hats). Oh yeah and I have to go to the bank. Seriously, the fun never stops.

I'm at work downtown at the minute. I'm technically on my lunch break, so I'm technically not breaking any rules other than the technical rule that the Internet shouldn't be used for personal purposes. Technically.

I got some more details about the WorldSmart programme. I still haven't heard about the scholarship. I think a career in phone sex is on the horizon...

Until then, though, I better get back to this do gooder job I have.

Later gators,
Sabrina :-)

Okay, so the committee meeting last night was a battle indeed. Complete with shouting matches, expletives and tears, it was a spectacle for sure. And at the centre of it was me. The tears were mine as the shouting and expletives were directed my way. I have to say, though, that it was two people against me (who are married to one another) and the rest supported me, so that's good. Other than that, it was actually a productive meeting. I was very proud that the volunteers I recruited are now already in officer positions. I also recruited another committee member whose children are in the group. Strangely enough, I repeatedly woke myself up last night because I was LAUGHING in my sleep. Really bizarre. Of course, at the time of the shouting, I was tempted to tell them to take this job and shove it, but I decided I'd wait to make a big decision until I was calmer and I decided to stick with it. The kids have no idea that this sort of stuff goes on and they are happy as ever with the work I am doing with them. That is what makes me stay. I realize that I am not a person that blends in with the woodwork. I have a strong personality and I have a strong desire for social change. I will always stick to my beliefs and stick up for them, no matter who decides they want to shout and swear at me. Bring it on.

I am busily preparing for the committee meeting tonight. These meetings are like battles for me! They always give me headaches. Anywhoo, today is pay day, but since I am not in the office today, I likely won't get it until tomorrow. Wednesday is usually my day to run errands, but as I usually don't have any money left, I can't. Hmm, I'll have to sort that out or something.

I finished typing up my notes from the weekend Alternatives to Violence course and sent them off to my groupmates.

Congratulations to Jason for finishing his exams today! Woohoo! Actually, he's probably still taking them at this very moment, but by the end of today he will likely be a much happier man.

I'm now starting the process of applying for coursework for the fall. I have been accepted into the WorldSmart program, but the funding decisions have not been made yet. We shall see.

Hope all is well with everyone. I've been on this 'puter too long, I'm starting to get a headache...

Love,
Sabrina :-)

Hey, hey! Sabrina got her groove back!

I was away this weekend at a training course and low and behold, I met someone. Yep, so I hooked up with this guy on the course and I'll spare the details because my Mum reads this (HAPPY MOTHERS DAY, MOM!) but lets just say the breaks were far more entertaining! Now I'm a happier and more calm person for the time being, so that's a plus.

Although I did get into an argument in the course (which was Alternatives to Violence) on his behalf which made me realize that I did actually like him and it wasn't just a hook up.

Anyhow, it has been a long weekend and I just came straight to the office to check my email and haven't even gone home yet, so I'm off. Oh, but I did find out that I've been accepted into the WorldSmart program starting in August which goes to 19 cities in 19 weeks in three regions of the world. Six of the cities are in Japan, which is where I am especially excited to go. So a big woohoo for that!

Miss you and love you loads, Mom, have a great Mother's Day!!!

Love,
Sabrina :-)

Hello there! Well after Mr. Ronan told me that he did not want to talk to me and even changed his phone number just in case I decided to start calling him (thus getting him in trouble w/his girlfriend), he called me last night. Of course I was sleeping, though this call was earlier than most, 1:00 a.m. I made some remark about why he was calling me and he said he'll just put the phone down then, and I responded, "you already woke me up, you might as well say something!" I don't remember what we talked about or even for how long, but I do remember that he hung up on me!

I missed the singing group tonight because I took a nap that was just a bit too long! I got home from work downtown and laid down, thinking I would rest for an hour and didn't wake up until quarter to nine! D'oh!! Tomorrow afternoon we are going swimming with the kids. Should be fun. I have two adult volunteers other than myself and Olka lined up! Hey, hey, that's what I say! I was talking to one of the mums tonight and she was asking if Olka and I ever go out for a drink, and I gave her the somber truth, that no, we never. She said she'll invite us 'round and even get some Coca-cola for me! Weehee!

I am going to some peacemaker training this weekend. Actually, it starts tomorrow night and runs all weekend. Maybe then I'll know how to deal with the people on the estate who pester me.

Well, I'm still tired, so I will go back to beddie bye. Oh dear, I just remembered I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and work at the office. D'oh! Hmmm....I'll have to give that one a think.

Later gators!

Love,
Sabrina :-)

I am feeling depressed and I'm not entirely sure why. My usual comfort methods are not working, so now I turn to the blog to sort out the clutter in my head.

First of all, it has finally hit me that I am NEVER, EVER, EVER going to be with either Jason or Ronan again. While it may have seemed like a foregone conclusion to some, I really thought that Ronan and I would get back together. Jason and I have hit our stride as mates and that seems all fine and good but when I get down, I can't help but remember that there is another woman in his life that is higher on his priority list than moi. And Ronan, well, it has finally come to pass. He has finally given up the dilly dallying on whether or not he loves me to say that he just wants to be with his 17 year old girlfriend and that's that. Okie dokie.

In other news, my college boyfriend has recently gotten engaged. I am actually quite happy for him, but I think it is still somehow playing on my psyche as it was less than a year ago that we were last together. Oh and that I was the girlfriend immediately previous to her. Dude whatever.

So what else? Oh yes, I am completely and utterly disdained with my physical appearance. It used to just be about my body, but now its everything. I think my face is gross, my hair is disgusting, my nails are scary, etc, etc. I was talking to Jason about it and he said, "you're the only one who can do something about it." This is true. Trouble is, that when I'm feeling this down about myself, I can't pluck up the courage to to barely even leave the house.

One of my bosses is pissed off at me. It really sucks having three and a half bosses, because keeping them all happy all at the same time is damn near impossible and I am far to sensitive to have one of them pissed at me all the time.

I don't feel I am doing enough work on the estate. I wonder if I will make a difference here. I have gotten threats on my life and I have no idea what I am going to do when my time here ends in September.

I feel completely irresponsible. I have not yet posted my mum's Mother's Day card for the American Mother's Day on the 9th of May. I haven't paid my bills on time. I am completely broke until I get paid on Wednesday.

Well, I guess I can see that there are some things that are troubling me. Hmm, well I suppose that's a start.

I just want to clarify that the post from the 29th of April is from a forwarded email I received, not my own words. I decided to make that clear after someone quoted one of the lines to me in response to something I had said or done. Hey, I'm not Mother Theresa, okay? I did come to live on a council estate in one of the most deprived areas in northwest England to work with young people who are often excluded from school for having behavioural problems, but for f*ck's sake, I'm human, okay?!

Now that that's out of the way...

It is a beautiful day in the neighbourhood here in Manchester. A lovely summer day. It even put me in the mood to clean! Now that is some weather! I am really looking forward to our litter picking session later this week so we can clean up the park and then maybe when it is nice like this we can have picnics and stuff there. That would be nice.

So Thursday is the last episode of Friends in America. We're a few weeks behind here in the UK. As was the case with Sex and the City, the details of the episode were published in newspapers the day after it aired in America. Today, in one of the papers, there were details of the second to last episode where Rachel is moving to Paris and she kissed Ross or something. Have Monica and Chandler gotten their baby yet?

Will & Grace is much further behind; about 18 months. It's so annoying. I actually saw these episodes when I was still in America. Ah well, c'est la vie.

I just saw this story on CNN.com about Arnold Schwarzenegger bobble-head dolls. How funny.

Here's another article about OCD and the creative process, again from CNN.com. See, normal is only what you make of it. Normal is boring.

I want to make a book of photos of red headed women. I think that would be great. I've been checking out some of the red head websites to see if anyone has done it before.

Well, now that the sun is no longer in its peak strength, this red head will go outside and hopefully not get burnt!

Hasta la vista ;-)

I've learned....
That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the
faster it goes.

I've learned....
That we should be glad YHWH doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned....
That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned....
That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned...
That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and
loved.

I've learned....
That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?

I've learned....
That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned....
That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that
person continue to hurt you.

I've learned....
That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned....
That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with
people smarter than I am.

I've learned....
That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned....
That there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.

I've learned....
That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned...
That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned....
That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned....
That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned....
That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may
have to eat them.

I've learned....
That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned....
That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.

I've learned...
That when your newly born child holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned....
That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness
and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned ...
That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is
requested and when it is a life threatening situation.

I've learned....
That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Here are some bits from another email thingie I received:

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have.

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the
world.

Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened (This is my mantra!!! - Sabrina)

I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

It has a been a beautiful day today. Like a real summer day, both today and yesterday. Feels nice.

I made a new photo page. Check it out!

Talked to my Mom today. I was feeling really down and stuff, but she talked to me a bit so then I felt all better :-)

Me and Olka have been getting along. She is out riding her new bike! She loves it. I am a bit too clumsy for a bike. I do want to go swimming, though.

I am going to the Lake District on Thursday. I have booked this really secluded hostel with great scenery. I can't wait to just relax and look out onto the lake and the moutains. i will probably take lots of photos.

I was supposed to be going to London tomorrow, but that fell through. Oh well, c'est la vie!

Right so things are fine and dandy here. I got first aid certified on Saturday, which is good. Seven kids did as well, which is brill(iant). I had a relaxing weekend. I decide to take today off since I've been working far more hours than I am supposed to, but now I am here in the office doing some work. I have two meetings tomorrow and a project, along with a committee meeting on Wednesday. Also, I'm supposed to have some report done by tomorrow as well. One of my bosses is really getting on my nerves, but that's nothing new because he always gets on my nerves. He accused Olka of using his 'personal' coffee and tea that is here in the office. So weird. Anyhow, neither of us took his precious teabags and he is just cross all around.

I may be going to Northern Ireland next month for work. There is a dreamscheme there and we will be visiting it. I also have to meet with someone who will be coming out to Manchester to do conflict resolution training with the kids.

I swear I feel like I've gained ten pounds in one day. Maybe I'm just bloated. I don't know, but it's starting to bug me now. It's like anytime I make a decision to lose weight, more just magically appears. I feel like I have this hidden personality that is determined to sabotage any slimming efforts.

Well, I need to get back on that report and make some flyers reminding about the committee meeting on Wednesday. Talk to you later, gators!

Lots of love,
Sabrina :-)

The moods of a woman

This is an amazing little story about
~ATTITUDE~


Jerry is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!" He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?" Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes it is," Jerry said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life."

I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it. Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place. "the first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door, " Jerry replied. "Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

Jerry continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a deadman'. I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes' I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead'."

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.
The next move is up totally to YOU!

From LOLfun.com Accessed on 13 April 2004

I've completely lost my faith in humanity. Forget the concrete the boys had to break the windows, on Easter Sunday, their older brothers came back with an axe. Now the family of refugees who were supposed to move in this week will have nowhere to stay. There were fires and fights and an attempted murder on the estate all over Easter. I am far too sensitive for this sort of lifestyle. The boys then turned to my house and threw a broken pool cue among other things at our windows. I actually went after them with the pool cue and told them if they had a problem to take it up with me instead of throwing things at my house. I haven't seen them since.

I'm still so hurt over Jason and Ronan. I texted Jason and said I wanted to talk and he texted back saying he was at his girlfriend's house, we'll talk later. Two days later, I still haven't heard from him. I had a phone conversation with Ronan at about 3:30 this morning but I don't remember anything except for that he got a cat and I texted him this morning asking what his text of "maybe" that he sent at about 3:30 am was referring to. I haven't heard from him either.

I had said that I would speak to neither of them. Ronan phoned and apologized after reading my website. Jason is too close of a friend and it hurt more to not speak to him. I don't know, but right now I can't stop crying and I hurt because of many things, but these two are a couple of them.

Now, I'm not sure if I wrote this before, but I started losing my faith in humanity after seeing a photo on the front page of The Guardian of Iraq citizens in Fallujah laughing and smiling as they fanned the flames of the mutililated body of an American civilian. I couldn't and still can't believe it. I wonder if I am making a difference at all. These kids live here all their lives and see violence of all sorts all the time. How can I possibly steer them away from that? Our estate is quite good and manageable, but we are only one set of houses, surrounded by council estates with all the violence and mindset that goes with it. We don't exist in a bubble and I don't know if I can tackle the poverty of the world.

First of all, whoever thought it was a good idea to put poor people all together on an estate can kiss my butt. Seriously. My mother voiced this opinion (except for the kiss my butt part) many years ago, when referring to the high rises in Chicago.

I saw this movie on tv the other night called "Erasable You" and it was a satire. One character said, "I wish all the poor people could just go to their own island and just be poor together. Wouldn't that be great?!" The idea of council estates and high rises is just that. Put all the poor people together and then the middle or high classes won't have to mix with them.

White flight is still a huge problem in the cities and suburbs of America. If a black family moves in, the neighbors say, "there goes the neighborhood" and move out to another lily white 'hood. This flight is what causes property prices to fall, but what is said is that the value of property goes down simply because a black person moved in. That's rubbish. People just don't think logically. It happened on the south side of Chicago and I read an article called, "What if we would have stayed?" referring to the masses of white families who left the south side as it became more diverse. Chicago is practically split down the middle with the south side being predominantly black, and having a bad reputation for being a hihg crime area. "oooo the south side", the north siders side with fear and pity.

Many people before me have said it, but what separates us more than anything is not race or religion, but socio-economic status. Sure everyone loved watching the Cosby's on TV because they were upper middle class. Movies or television that depict the ghetto are just referred to as "black movies" even if the stars themselves, such as eminem, aren't black. It is fanned by both sides of the fence, the poor and the rich. If I went to see a "black movie" wearing business attire, I would not go unnoticed.

However, it is also a chicken or the egg argument. Are the poor just reacting to their oppression? Are the rich just reacting to the violence they've experience at the hands of the "poor"?

The change needs to be societal. How does a society change? How do beliefs change? Sometimes there are movements which change the government, which then changes beliefs on a wider scale, slowly, such as Martin Luther King's movement for integration. Other times, the government comes first and changes beliefs.

So what can we do? What shall we do? I don't know, but I know that I definitely want to go to law school to start to find out.

Well, hello, hello everyone! It has been a busy week indeed. On the lighter side of things, I received a package from my Mom. She sent me a big chocolate easter bunny! She also sent me a card with a cute little bunny and blue bird on the front that says "For a Sweet Daughter". Awww! I was "buzzing" as the kids say. (That means really happy not slightly drunk.) I also met Prince Edward, Duke of Kent, and spoke to him about Dreamscheme. That was quite interesting. I went to Laser Quest with the kids...all 19 of them! It went surprisingly well. I was a bit worried with that number of kids, but it went well. We did a fundraiser leafletting around the neighborhood and nearby Quays. That went better than expected, but there was a bit of hitch when we got a complaint about leaflets on the ground. Doh!

On a not so light side, I witnessed a car being stolen from a mum with a preschooler, got some abnormal medical results, saw the aftermath of a bloody fight and yelled at boys with big pieces of concrete in their hands twice for breaking windows at the house opposite.

A busy week indeed.

Again, I feel the need to start my post with 'why oh why'. Why are emotions so irrational? Why can't I just make a decision and stick to it because it is the best thing for me? Why do my feelings have such a hold on me? I realize that feelings are what make people empathetic, sympathetic and kind, but right now, I wish I could just pull the emotions out of my body and place them on the shelf for awhile. I feel like I should've just let Jason go forever back in October when our romantic relationship ended. I was determined to have a friendship, though, because I enjoyed his company and because I didn't know that many people (if any) in Belfast. I thought I was doing great, and met more people, even started another relationship, but low and behold, my feelings for Jason came back to bite me in the ass, as I cheated on new boyfriend with him.

I listen to the message on my voicemail and I think, "that doesn't sound like a woman who would compromise herself for a couple of guys." I sound assertive and confident. I feel like I am able to see myself as some others may see me; living life the way I want - living in a foreign land, doing the work I want, making choices I want to make. Yet somehow, in this phase of my life, I keep allowing myself to be swallowed up by the emotions of romance.

I feel so silly that I am depressed because a boy doesn't like me. There are children starving in every region of the world, but I am depressed because a boy doesn't like me. Some of the children I work with are abused physically, emotionally and sexually, but I am depressed because a boy doesn't like me. People the world over are shitting themselves for fear of terrorism and I am depressed because a boy doesn't like me. It doesn't seem quite right.

The problem is that it is more than that. I am doing all I can to help the children I work with. I feel I am doing my little bit to help make this planet a little bit of a better place, at least for some people, or even a few people. I'm comfortable with that. What I am sad about is that there is no one there to greet me when I get home from this work, when I'm overwhelmed by all the sadness, poverty and terror in the world, there is no one there to hold me or comfort me. I am not trying to make myself out to be a martyr of any sort, I am just saying that what I miss is not Jason, not Ronan, not any of the faces in particular; the names change as the years go by, but the need to feel loved remains. It is a basic human need that I pushed away for so long. I finally opened myself up to it again, and now I miss it. I know what I am missing and it sucks; it hurts. Yes, I want to be loved. Yes, I would like to be loved by Jason and/or Ronan. But it also hurts that both of these men ended their relationship with me and are now both involved with other women. There's also the thought of "what do they have that I don't?" "Why wasn't I good enough for them?" "What's wrong with me that they didn't want me?" Then you start thinking about all the other relationships that have ended or never even began and really start to wonder whether ANYONE will EVER want you....much less want you FOREVER.

For my honors paper in Interpersonal Communication, I researched relationship dissolution (i.e., breaking up). The point was made that every romantic relationship one will ever have will end - except for one. How can we bear that? If you got food poisoning from eating jellyfish, would you eat it fifty more times hoping that the fifty first would be the time you didn't puke all over yourself?

Well, no, because there's not a whole lot to be gained by being able to hold your jellyfish. Finding a lifelong love; now that is everyone's fantasy. It is written about in most songs, books and movies regardless of genre. "All you need is love" - the Beatles song, and a Valentine's Day card sitting in my dresser drawer. What if you have everything else? What if you love where you're living, who your friends are, what you do for work... what if love is all you don't have?

Why oh why am I such a wuss? Why do I even still care? I haven't spoken to Ronan, but I did ring Jason to ask when he was sending my belongings. I did stick to task and did not chat, but oh my heart wrenches. Geez louise, why do I care?

It is such a beautiful day today. I am trying to arrange to get away this weekend. I am overly affected by things right now, including work and homesickness and I just want a break. I am going to the cinema with Hugo on Sunday evening, but I have to fill the rest of my weekend as well.

Today I was just thinking again about how my life seems to keep repeating itself. Same story, different names, faces. The angst I feel over the Ronan & Jason drama is just another one of a series of angsts felt since I was 11 or 12 years old. I just thought, 'am I always going to feel like this?' "Will life always just be a series of highs and lows, of love and hate, of trust and betrayal; over and over and over again?" Will I never find a security of love and happiness that will last for a lifetime?

Okay, it is high time I said 'hasta la vista' to the Northern Irish boys. That's it. I'm just so done with all the unnecessary drama and the pain it inflicts on me. I've been dealing with this like a masochist just allowing myself to be hurt over and over again. So that's it. Done; finito. The numbers are deleted from my phone and even though they've texted and phoned me, I've not responded. DONE DONE DONE. You both have girlfriends, so leave me alone. Take all of me, or have none of me. I'm sick of giving only the bits you need at that given time. I deserve better, I deserve normalcy. I deserve goodness and I deserve kindness. I never made any high demands of you. I never judged you based on money, looks, idiosyncracies, ex-girlfriends or personal hang-ups. All I wanted is for you to be with me.

Jason, I opened myself up to you when I was scared to open myself up to anyone. You changed your mind, and I accepted it and moved on.

Ronan, I was honest to you about what happened with Jason and up front about my 'baggage'. I fell in love with you hard and fast and was more devastated than you know when we broke up after spending the night together with your baby. Then both of you kept changing your minds and leading me in different directions before changing your mind back again.

I never stopped loving either one of you and that is why I can not do this anymore. I can't be your friend. I can't be your acquaintance. I care too much and I fall too easily.

Ronan, when you said that you were still in love with me and wanted me back, despite my deep cynicsm of your mind not changing, I fell, which is why when you rejected me only two days later, it hurt. As I hung up the phone, I shed one tear and I promised myself that would be the last one ever shed because of you.

Jason, when I found out about you and Donna today, I felt like I had been punched in the stomach and stabbed in the chest. I can't deal with that feeling everytime we speak or even one more time at all. To continue to put myself through this would be sheer stupidity and self loathing.

So, goodbye, Northern Irish boys. I think we've had some good times together, and I hope you have fond memories as well. I would even go so far to say that perhaps we learned from each other, and hopefully, you, as well as I, will take something very positive away from our relationship. I was in such a different place (emotionally) when I first arrived in Northern Ireland and you both have brought me to where I am now. You showed me about love when I was dead set against it, you taught me what it was again, and now that I know the joy of love and being loved is precisely why I won't accept less.

Goodbye and all the best.

Love,
Sabrina :-)

Okay, don't know what the hay is going on with my blog but it seems to be posting or not posting at random. Hmm... Anyhow, things here are okay. I have been sick for the last week. Went to A&E to get nebulized (or for my American friends; went to ER for breathing treatments), found out I have anemia and was whisked off my feet and then unceremoniously dumped again by Ronan, all in a week's work! Here are a couple of email thingies I received.
---------------------------------------------
Men are like .Laxatives ...... They irritate the shit out of you

Men are like ........ Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like ........ Vacations ...... They never seem to be long enough.

Men are like ........ Weather ...... Nothing can be done to change them.

Men are like ....... Blenders ...... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

Men are like ........ Chocolate Bars ...... Sweet, smooth, & they usually
head right for your hips.

Men are like ........ Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like ....... Department Stores ...... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

Men are like ........ Government Bonds ...... They take soooooooo long to
mature.

Men are like ........ Mascara ...... They usually run at the first sign of
emotion.

Men are like ....... Popcorn ........ They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Men are like ........ Snowstorms ...... You never know when they're coming,
how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

Men are like . Lava Lamps ...... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

Men are like ........ Parking Spots ........ All the good ones are taken,
the rest are handicapped.

Now send this to all the remarkable women you know, as well as to any
understanding good- natured, fun kinda guys you might be lucky enough to
know !!!!!!!!!!

--------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Donkey

One day a farmer's donkey fell into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down into the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing!

He would shake off the dirt and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take another step up. Pretty soon, everyone was astonished as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!


Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt! The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping-stone! We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping - never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up. Remember the five rules for happiness:


1. Free your heart from hatred - forgive.


2. Free your mind from worries - most never happen.


3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.


4. Give more.


5. Expect less.


NOW - Enough of that crap.........

The donkey later came back and bit the crap out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.


MORAL OF THIS STORY............


When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always come back to bite you!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Our St. Patty's shindig went well. We are going to the cinema tomorrow to watch The Haunted Mansion with Eddie Murphy. The housing estate's management committee is hosting a meet and greet event on Monday night for the residents to meet me and Olka. I wonder if anyone will turn up! Yikes!

http://news.money.msn.co.uk/article.aspx?as=article&f=uk_-_olgbbus&t=11879&id=17257&d=20040319&i=http://news.money.msn.co.uk/mediaexportlive&ks=0&lc=en&ae=windows-1252

Another blow for coke and frankly, makes me feel a bit dumb about buying bottled water. See Brian, Dad was right!

Jason was here for a visit. He flew in early Friday morning and left this afternoon. It was such a nice time. It was the first day since I've been here that I haven't done any or thought about work at all. He was the same. It was nice to see him again and a very welcome break.

My new roommate, Olka, arrived Thursday night. She took a bus from the Ukraine. It took 36 hours. She seems nice, I just haven't had a lot of time to spend with her because Jason was here. Other people involved with our work hung out with her on Friday and today, though.

Wednesday is St. Patty's Day. We are having an event at our house for the kids to mark this holiday. Pizza and a movie at Sabrina & Olka's. We'll be making and hanging up decorations the day before (with the kids). It'll be a nice way for the young people to get to meet Olka.

A friend of mine will be arriving in London on Monday. She'll be here for nine days for her honeymoon. They are flying into Dublin for the day on Wednesday. I may be meeting up with them for lunch one day if one of their day trips brings them over this way.

Another friend emailed me and said she is getting married this week and that our other friend had a baby boy.

My college boyfriend emailed me and said he is getting engaged next month.

My oldest childhood friend (not in age, but how long I've known her) has emailed me and told me she is expecting her third child.

And then, of course, I'm standing in my high school friend's wedding this fall.

Is it me, or that a whole lot of family business going on?

I guess this is it. That stage of life thing. The starting families bit. I'm a bit shocked at it all coming somewhat at once, but I think that more pertinent emotion is fear that I'll be left out at the end of it all. I keep seeing these older women on the bus, travelling alone. They have a bag with them (as I always do) and given the way they seem to chat to everyone on the bus, I get the impression that they're not married nor have they ever been. Sometimes this has been confirmed by the conversation, but I digress. As kind and as lovely as those women are, I don't want to be one of them. I guess that is one of my biggest fears at the moment. I don't want to grow old alone.

I know I am still young (26) and I have not branded myself a spinster just yet. I just have the fear that that day will come.

I just read about that hockey incident... that is horrible. Saying that seems a bit weird though, with the events in Madrid today, though. However, it just seems so uncalled for. This is from CNN.com

"Bertuzzi slugged Moore in the side of the head late in Monday night's 9-2 victory by the Avalanche. He hit Moore from behind and drove his head into the ice. Moore landed face-first -- with the 245-pound Bertuzzi on top of him -- and lay in a pool of blood for several minutes before he was removed on a stretcher."

Whoa. And kids watch this. I don't know, it just disturbs me. You can read the whole story on
Sports Illustrated/CNN.com

The injured party, though he has a broken neck, is expected to recover.

I visited the office of the Alternatives to Violence project here in Manchester. I am hoping to go on their training and might possibly arrange training for on site here at the housing estate. Just thinking of Madrid, the hockey incident, Belfast, what goes on on this estate and everything, it is all linked to violence. It is all violence. The source of this violence seems to come from thinking that someone is going to take something that is yours. It comes from this feeling within...a lack of reciprocity almost... I know I don't have the answers, but I'll be damned if I'm just going to accept it as is.

Another email thingee....

The Cookie Thief

The woman arrived
At an airport one night
With several long hours
Before her flight.

She hunted for a book
In the airport shop,
Bought a bag of cookies
And found a place to drop.

She was engrossed in her book
But happened to see,
That the man sitting beside her,
As bold as could be,

Grabbed a cookie or two
From the bag in between,
Which she tried to ignore
To avoid a scene.

So she munched the cookies
And watched the clock,
As the gutsy cookie thief
Diminished her stock.

She was getting more irritated
As the minutes ticked by,
Thinking, "If I wasn't so nice,
I would blacken his eye."

With each cookie she took,
He took one too,
When only one was left,
She wondered what he would do.

With a smile on his face,
And a nervous laugh,
He took the last cookie
And broke it in half.

He offered her half,
As he ate the other,
She snatched it from him
And thought ... ooh, brother!

This guy has some nerve
And he's also rude,
Why he didn't even show
Any gratitude!

She had never known
When she had been so galled,
And sighed with relief
When her flight was called.

She gathered her belongings
And headed to the gate,
Refusing to look back
At the thieving ingrate.

She boarded the plane,
And sank in her seat,
Then she sought her book,
Which was almost complete.

As she reached in her baggage,
She gasped with surprise,
There was her bag of cookies,
In front of her eyes.

If mine are here,
She moaned in despair,
The others were his,
And he tried to share.

Too late to apologize,
She realized with grief,
That she was the rude one,
The ingrate, the thief!


How many times have we absolutely known that
something was a certain way, only to discover later
that what we believed to be true ... was not?

Keep an open mind and an open heart,
because you just never know ...
You might be eating someone else's cookies

Today the kids got to me. I am usually really calm and never get upset. I didn't lose my cool, but I just told them that it was their choice whether or not they were here and if they didn't want to participate, no one was keeping them there. At that point, three of them left, which still left about seven kids. I just don't know how to get the right number of kids. One week there's fifteen, the next there's two. I can't properly plan. Even when I plan for other possible scenarios, it just doesn't seem to work. The problem with today was that it started off slow, with only two kids there, so I kind of set up the project to work best that way then all of the sudden ten more come to the door in quick succession. I was able to split into three groups and then do a large group activity outside, but b/c I didn't have the latecomers' attention from the beginning, it all just went haywire. The volunteer I had with me didn't help matters. He's been the chairperson of this for years and he doesn't even know many of the names of the children. I don't know, I'm just annoyed, and not at the kids, b/c they are just being kids. I'm annoyed with myself for not planning properly, I'm annoyed at the lack of training and I'm annoyed at the lack of support. My co-volunteer is set to be here in a couple of days, so hopefully that will help matters. I guess I am just going to have to plan every day as if fifteen will turn up and go from there. It helps to have more than one other adult here as well. There's a committee meeting tomorrow night and I suppose I can bring this up there. That's another thing, the week I had four adult volunteers, only one child showed up! Oh well. I'd rather be overprepared, though...

Saturday, March 06, 2004
Sorry about the duplicate posts below. Needless to say, I was having a bit of difficulty with my blog at the time!

So much has been going on lately and so much is happening in the next few weeks as well. My brain can't seem to stop thinking about it all which is why I am here in the office on a Saturday night. Sometimes the only way to get my brain to stop is to do the things it is thinking about. I did a bit of work and now for some 'me' time.

I met a new friend this week. Sue had given me his email address b/c he works with the Young Quakers. Young being 18 - 35. Anyhow, his name is Hugo and we met up on Thursday. I was late, as usual, but was 6 minutes shy of being a full half hour late. What can I say, I'm not the most punctual person as it is, and I got ridiculously lost. Somehow I know point A and I know point B but I don't know how to get from one to the other. It's a bit annoying.

We went to Starbuck's where I had the dangerously addictive mocha frappuccino, but, surprisingly, was able to pace myself with it. Way to go, me! We talked for a couple of hours then he walked me to my bus stop (I probably would've got lost if he didn't!) and even waited over a half an hour with me until my bus turned up. So now I have a friend! Yippee!

The researcher for my company, Jude, has also become more of a friend lately. She is about my age and we are at about the same stage of life (she's doing her PhD) and we have a good laugh. Now that we know mutual people, we can even gossip! Woohoo! See, you can't do that with your boss, no matter how nice they are!

The finale of Back to Reality was last night. I was glued to the television and even voted for the first time! There were three people left and they had a vote for third place. So whoever got the least amount of votes left. I voted for both Maureen and James. My votes went along with everyone else's b/c Craig was the third place person. They then open the lines again and you vote for the winner. I couldn't bear to vote for that one b/c I couldn't decide between Maureen and James! In the end, James won and everyone had a good time. I was a bit lost tonight, when I realized that it would be on telly at 8:00 p.m. and began to wonder what I will do my evenings now! Good thing I made a couple of friends!

Jason is coming to visit me this coming weekend. He is flying in from Belfast on Friday morning. I'm starting to get really excited. I talk to him all the time now and I don't feel like we're even living in different countries. Alas, we are, so I will have to soak up all the Jason I can handle this weekend...

Saturday, March 06, 2004
Sorry about the duplicate posts below. Needless to say, I was having a bit of difficulty with my blog at the time!

So much has been going on lately and so much is happening in the next few weeks as well. My brain can't seem to stop thinking about it all which is why I am here in the office on a Saturday night. Sometimes the only way to get my brain to stop is to do the things it is thinking about. I did a bit of work and now for some 'me' time.

I met a new friend this week. Sue had given me his email address b/c he works with the Young Quakers. Young being 18 - 35. Anyhow, his name is Hugo and we met up on Thursday. I was late, as usual, but was 6 minutes shy of being a full half hour late. What can I say, I'm not the most punctual person as it is, and I got ridiculously lost. Somehow I know point A and I know point B but I don't know how to get from one to the other. It's a bit annoying.

We went to Starbuck's where I had the dangerously addictive mocha frappuccino, but, surprisingly, was able to pace myself with it. Way to go, me! We talked for a couple of hours then he walked me to my bus stop (I probably would've got lost if he didn't!) and even waited over a half an hour with me until my bus turned up. So now I have a friend! Yippee!

The researcher for my company, Jude, has also become more of a friend lately. She is about my age and we are at about the same stage of life (she's doing her PhD) and we have a good laugh. Now that we know mutual people, we can even gossip! Woohoo! See, you can't do that with your boss, no matter how nice they are!

The finale of Back to Reality was last night. I was glued to the television and even voted for the first time! There were three people left and they had a vote for third place. So whoever got the least amount of votes left. I voted for both Maureen and James. My votes went along with everyone else's b/c Craig was the third place person. They then open the lines again and you vote for the winner. I couldn't bear to vote for that one b/c I couldn't decide between Maureen and James! In the end, James won and everyone had a good time. I was a bit lost tonight, when I realized that it would be on telly at 8:00 p.m. and began to wonder what I will do my evenings now! Good thing I made a couple of friends!

Jason is coming to visit me this coming weekend. He is flying in from Belfast on Friday morning. I'm starting to get really excited. I talk to him all the time now and I don't feel like we're even living in different countries. Alas, we are, so I will have to soak up all the Jason I can handle this weekend...

Sorry about the duplicate posts below. Needless to say, I was having a bit of difficulty with my blog at the time!

So much has been going on lately and so much is happening in the next few weeks as well. My brain can't seem to stop thinking about it all which is why I am here in the office on a Saturday night. Sometimes the only way to get my brain to stop is to do the things it is thinking about. I did a bit of work and now for some 'me' time.

I met a new friend this week. Sue had given me his email address b/c he works with the Young Quakers. Young being 18 - 35. Anyhow, his name is Hugo and we met up on Thursday. I was late, as usual, but was 6 minutes shy of being a full half hour late. What can I say, I'm not the most punctual person as it is, and I got ridiculously lost. Somehow I know point A and I know point B but I don't know how to get from one to the other. It's a bit annoying.

We went to Starbuck's where I had the dangerously addictive mocha frappuccino, but, surprisingly, was able to pace myself with it. Way to go, me! We talked for a couple of hours then he walked me to my bus stop (I probably would've got lost if he didn't!) and even waited over a half an hour with me until my bus turned up. So now I have a friend! Yippee!

The researcher for my company, Jude, has also become more of a friend lately. She is about my age and we are at about the same stage of life (she's doing her PhD) and we have a good laugh. Now that we know mutual people, we can even gossip! Woohoo! See, you can't do that with your boss, no matter how nice they are!

The finale of Back to Reality was last night. I was glued to the television and even voted for the first time! There were three people left and they had a vote for third place. So whoever got the least amount of votes left. I voted for both Maureen and James. My votes went along with everyone else's b/c Craig was the third place person. They then open the lines again and you vote for the winner. I couldn't bear to vote for that one b/c I couldn't decide between Maureen and James! In the end, James won and everyone had a good time. I was a bit lost tonight, when I realized that it would be on telly at 8:00 p.m. and began to wonder what I will do my evenings now! Good thing I made a couple of friends!

Jason is coming to visit me this coming weekend. He is flying in from Belfast on Friday morning. I'm starting to get really excited. I talk to him all the time now and I don't feel like we're even living in different countries. Alas, we are, so I will have to soak up all the Jason I can handle this weekend...

Today I was awoken by a tapping on my door. One of the young people was eager to tell me about a plan for community safety. I was awoken again about an hour later by the same young person and three of his friends who were bored and wanted some work to do. I gave them some flyers to deliver and they were on their way. Fifteen minutes later they were back and I was getting ready to go to the grocery store. They wanted to come with, so we went and asked their parents and away we were. We stopped at McDonald's on the way back, too, where, much to their surprise I got a Happy Meal (no meat).

It was a good day, but I was appalled to see how the adults talk to them. The language they use - and they wonder where the kids get it! They always seem to assume the worst with them, as well. It's like the kids are merely acting out some self fulfilling prophecy or something. Like Kate (my boss, the director of the project) says, if we don't expect great things from them, who will?

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This just arrived in my e-mail box.

Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already,
three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded,
and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an
abortion?
Read the next question before scrolling down to the answer of this one.

Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and your vote counts. Here are the
facts about the three leading candidates:

Candidate A: Associates with crooked politicians, and consults
with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes
and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B: He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon,used
opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C: He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian,
doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any
extramarital affairs.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?
(Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the answer).












Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Candidate B is Winston Churchill,
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.


And by the way: Answer to the abortion question if you said yes,
you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn't it?

Well, apparently Friday isn't my strongest day of the week, either! I did exactly the same thing today. I am sleeping far too much. I keep saying that it's PMS, or b/c I'm on my period, or it's my medication, but no matter what it is, it isn't normal!

Saying that, though, I remember going through this in Belfast and my doctor gave me iron pills. My energy level really increased for awhile and then I mysteriously got violently ill and stopped taking them. Another doctor told me iron pills can be hard on your stomach and perhaps I could just do with a normal multivitamin. I never did start taking a multivitamin. Maybe I should look into that...

I finally got some credit for my phone today. Yippee! I called Jason to celebrate. He wanted to know what was up, and I just said, I have credit, that's what! I haven't been able to call anyone, well, basically ever since I've been in Manchester. I had credit once before, but I used it up on a phone call to my Mom in America.

In regards to the making friends situation, a guy called Hugo from the Young Quakers phoned me up today and we're meeting up for lunch next week. The International Society emailed me back on the details of membership and now I just have to get my over tired behind over to their office and check it out.

My house is a complete tip. I started cleaning up this morning, but then I fell asleep. I did manage to get a load of laundry of done and my recycling rinsed out. I still have suitcases open in the living room and pluck things out of there from time to time. Since someone might be moving in at the end of next week, I suppose I should put just a wee bit more effort into it.

It snowed last night. Yippee! It looked really pretty as it was coming down over the lamp posts and town houses. It actually stuck on the ground this time, but was melted by this afternoon, which is fine and dandy with me, b/c it may look pretty coming down, but it's not pretty trying to walk in it!

Wednesday. Not typically my strongest day of the week. I got up and ate and then went back to sleep waking up at an astonishing 3:30 p.m. What is wrong with me? Surely normal people don't sleep this much, do they? I went to bed at about 10:30 last night and was probably asleep within an hour. I don't know. Maybe I was a cat in a past life.

Today I did something daring. I cut my nails as short as they can go. My fingernails are usually really long despite my not trying, and today I chopped them off. I can type a lot faster, but it does feel a bit weird and scratching is not nearly as satisfying...

Yesterday was pancake day here in the UK. Other countries and cultures celebrate this day as Mardi Gras, but no, the Brits just make pancakes. How very British.

So today starts Lent. Anyone giving anything up? A lot of people give up chocolate until Easter, but I'm afraid I would go a bit crazy without chocolate for that long.

Because I've been so lonely here in Manchester, Sue has given me some leads on where lonely foreign people go. I contacted the International Society, the Young Quakers and American expats of the Northwest. Maybe I'll make some friends through them...

I have a headache b/c I've not eaten since breakfast and I need to go home and have some soup and a tasty cheese and tomato sandwich. I have no money as usual and have to set aside the pound in change that I did have for my bus fare tomorrow. Ho hum.

I guess I'm a bit cranky and hungry at the mo, so I better go. Hey, that rhymes. I made a new photo page, so check it out!

I had a lovely Sunday. I slept as late as I wanted, which turned out to be not too late. I bought a sleazy newspaper b/c it had a free CD in it. I read the sleazy newspaper and did the crossword puzzle - not all of it, I'm not a genius! I even cleaned up a bit and did some laundry. Yes, a good Sunday indeed.

I'm still a bit lonely here. I live by myself in a house and I don't really have any friends yet. I have my friends from Northern Ireland who I still text message and have them phone me (I never have credit on my phone, I am broke as a joke), but having friends here would help. I haven't really done a lot to get these friends just yet, I've been putting all my brain energy into work. However, now things are getting started and I can use some of that brain power to make friends. Yippee!

Oh and the day after I fell down the stairs (see below) I had to go to the Emergency Room (aka Accident & Emergency - A&E - you know, like the cable channel ;-) I couldn't afford a stupid cab and had to take the bus which does not go near the door of the hospital so I walked on what turned out to be a sprained ankle. I actually cried a lot b/c I can't take pain at all. Oh, but I got a bandage thingee and felt sorry for myself for awhile, and it slowly healed. I can't seem to come to grips with how clumsy I am. I don't remember always being clumsy. Maybe this is something that started in adulthood. What do you think, Mom?

Hi everyone! Gotta make this quick, I'm in the office of the housing estate in which I live.

I am working at a charity that rewards young people for doing community projects by giving them points and then these points can be cashed in for trips. It seems fine and dandy thus far.

I've gotten to get a better look around Manchester, which has been nice. I am absolutely terrified of the trams, though, and take a little too much caution when crossing the tracks. I should be getting a phone this week, which will be very nice. I fell down the stairs today and was terrified that I would have to wait for someone to come and find me before I could get help!

I'll be getting a roommate soon, though I don't know when. It depends on who they choose, and when that person can move to Manchester, so we shall see.

Well, I best be off, I have to fill out some repair forms to get some bits and bobs fixed in my house. Hope all is well with everyone.

Love,
Sabrina :-)

Well, I have successfully made my way to Manchester, England. I am staying at the lovely home of Sue, one of the people who will be interviewing me this coming week. She is director of the program to which I've applied. It feels like home here. They have been so nice to me. Sue and Nick, her husband (who shares my birthday) have two children; Annie, aged 10 and Tom, aged 14. They have a dog named Simpson, who is so calm; such a contrast to our rambuctious Licorice. Yesterday, me, Sue and Annie went to the mall. It was fun! Tomorrow, Sue and I are going into the office and I will do some volunteering.

The interview will be on Tuesday for two of us, and then I believe the third person has hers on Wednesday and then they will make a decision by Thursday. Then, I will either be staying here in Manchester, or going back to America.

While mostly everything is fine and dandy here, I did have to go to the doctor for a skin infection. It's so gross - I've got impetigo. It all started from a cut on the back of my neck and then it got infected. I got some antibiotic cream and if that doesn't clear it up then I have to go back for some pills. Yucko puey.

Jason was really nice to me before I left Belfast. Knowing that I was having a rough time with the drama about Ronan, work and moving country, he invited me over the night before I was scheduled to leave. Before we walked into his room, he stopped and said, 'this is the last night I'm going to see you' and when I replied, 'yes', he opened the door and I couldn't believe what I saw. I swear to God, it was possibly the most romantic thing I've ever experienced. He had fixed the room up such that there were candles lit in the four corners. Music was playing in the background and well, I nearly burst into tears. Anyhow, you get the idea....

The real knight in shining armour bit comes the next night, though, when I turned up at his house with all my luggage b/c I couldn't get on the plane. Once me and my stuff were safely inside, I did burst into tears and went on about Ronan, and the plane, and easyjet and the taxi driver and blah blah blah. Anyhow, he listened and helped calm me down and let me lie down in his bed (while he was in the living room, people!), carried my stuff upstairs and let me keep more than half of it at his place. Oh and most importantly, he bought me pizza and chips! ;-)

Dude - not going well. I'm in Edinburgh. I got in a car accident. I went to the hospital. I'm leaving Edinburgh tomorrow.

First, I couldn't get on the plane b/c I had too much luggage. I was flying easyjet which is like a bargain basement airline and they only allow like 5 ounces of luggage or something and there were no more flights to Edinburgh that day, so I had to reschedule for the next day. This left me having lug all my luggage across Belfast again and leave some of it behind.

So when I finally did get there, I get into a car accident on the way from the airport to the house in Edinburgh. A lane change gone wrong ended up with the cars colliding on my side. The other car was a big ol' SUV. Ah well. I went to 'Accident and Emergency' and they said I had whiplash and seatbelt injuries and general soft tissue bruising, which is all par for the course in an accident like this one - so basically, I was fine.

Right, well I'm at an Internet cafe b/c I had to book a flight, which is the next part of my story. I am flying to Manchester tomorrow regarding another volunteer opportunity and fingers crossed that things work out better there! The main stress factor in all this is that I now have £6 to my name and well, you can't get a whole hell of a lot for £6.

Anyhow, my time is running low here at the ol' Internet place, but that's how things are going. I know that I'm lucky to even be able to have this experience at all, and I am merely annoyed if nothing else. I may be going home next week depending on how things go in Manchester, but that's okay, b/c I miss Licorice!

Men! I swear, they will be the end of me. What do I have to do to become a nun? I have no idea if Ronan is coming here tomorrow. I don't even know if we're still together. I have no idea what's going on.

I have managed to do a couple of loads of laundry, though, which is helping me along with my goal of packing. I can't believe how much crap I have. I can't believe how soon I am leaving. I keep thinking of all the things I didn't do during my time here in Belfast. I hate feeling that way. I am trying to see the positive, though, in that, while I may not have seen all the touristy things, I have gotten a feel for Belfast that not many people from outside of here get.

Okay, here's a hint for anyone who doesn't know me so well. If you want to get on my bad side, call me psycho. Or crazy or schizo or any variation of the sort. This is a good way to ensure me getting pissed at you. And I won't forget it, either. You see, back in the day, way back in the early 90s, before the Internet, before Mars exploration, even before Justin Timberlake, I was just a normal teenager going about my life with my nice little high school boyfriend. Yes, we were known as a couple back in those days b/c our relationship was practically life long when measured in high school years. Given our inexperience in romantic relationships, we made a lot of bad decisions in our dealings with one another. For example, to win arguments, we would completely break down the other person by twisting the knife where we knew it would hurt most. Now for me, this was a few things, but one of them was crazy, or overemotional, or irrational, or whatever. Now go a little further into my teenage life and you will see the big black hole known as the attack. Now, the attack led to a police investigation and a grand jury hearing. Statements were taken, questions were asked, witnesses were called. Something like this does not stay a secret long in high school land. Especially when witnesses are fellow classmates and you have to turn in your subpoena to the attendance office as your excuse note for why you missed class. There are two ways this helped lead to my psycho complex. 1.) The attacker said I was lying. His defense was based on my being irrational, crazy, overemotional. 2.) When word got out, there were those in school who believed I was lying, and then called me psycho. Oh wait, there's a third. 3.) When I had trouble dealing with the fact that I had been attacked, my sweet high school boyfriend believed I was overreacting and said, "It's been two weeks, you should be over it."

Why am I bringing this up now, you ask? Ronan phoned me today and said that his friends believed I was a psychopath and that if they were him, they would not get near me with a ten foot pole.

Yes, honey, my day was fine, how was yours?

Yippee yi yay! I have passed the 20,000 mile mark! Woohoo! I signed up for American Airlines' Advantage program, which is like the frequent flier thing, earlier this month, and they gave me credit for the flights I had taken since June, and low and behold, I'm almost at Gold Status. Gold is 25,000 miles. I had read about the miles phenomenon and how some people become obsessed with getting more miles, like through their credit card or whatever. I feel like that now, though the only way I can get the miles is to actually fly. I'm looking at easyJet now for flights between Belfast and Edinburgh b/c......drum roll please.....

I'm moving to Edinburgh. Saturday. This Saturday. Why I am looking for flights is b/c Ronan and I are back together. I am hoping that we will be treading many miles between the two countries. The flight is only 50 minutes. However, the trip from Derry to the airport is about two hours. Hey, I didn't say it was perfect. There is also another airline that flies from Derry to Glasgow, and then you can take the train from Glasgow to Edinburgh, so whatever works.

Wow, these pop up ads are driving me insane and I can't believe it's nearing 7 in the morning. I felt a bit overwhelmed by the prospect of staying here, and now a feel a bit overwhelmed with the reality of leaving here. I have so much stuff in my room and so much laundry and yeah, I really need to start packing. Oh dear, I think I'm making myself nervous now.

Ronan is coming here to Belfast on Friday (tomorrow!). I'm so excited. It has been over a month since I've seen him.

Well, I think I'll take a shower now. Don't think I'll get back to sleep. Hope all is well.

Lots of love,
Sabrina ;-)

Today I looked very much like an American. I felt like I was dressing up as an American for Halloween or something - with my tie-dyed Hard Rock Cafe shirt, track suit bottoms, baseball cap, I was the epitome of American gear. I also had my (American) accent back totally for like a day, before the Belfast brogue started slipping back in. As you can tell, I still have my American way of communicating with 'like' and 'totally' and don't even get me started with 'dude'.

In a strange twist of fate, the cab driver I had today remembered me from driving me home like months ago. I didn't remember him, which I usually do, but he remembered I was from Chicago and everything. Interesting.

Peter's friends are here from Germany, so I am the only person in this house right now who is not speaking German. I wish I could. Peter just came in and said something to Eva in German. I knew what he was saying from the context and wished I could reply in German, but I had to settle for English. I know a little bit of a few languages, and there are just some sayings I like in certain languages. For example, "Qu'est-ce qu'il y a?" in French - meaning 'what's wrong?' or 'what's the problem?' In Japanese - "Ohisashiburi desu ne" means "I haven't seen you for ages". The longer you haven't seen someone, the longer you hold out the last syllable (which is pronounced NAY). Pretty cool, huh? Or, German - Geshundheit when someone sneezes. Eva just explained that it means 'health'. The Irish 'Slainte' which also means health, but is a toast when drinking.

I really want to study French again and become fluent. I would really love to study multiple languages. I have been looking more into law school over here and some offer a combo with French. I'm supposed to be able to complete the degree in a shorter period of time since I already have a bachelor's degree. Law, here, is an undergraduate degree.

I spoke with the representative from the volunteer project in England and discussed their organization possibly sponsoring me to volunteer here in Belfast at the Community Centre I like. I also got a message from the Scottish organization to ring them tomorrow so we can arrange my visit. I filled out an application for a Christian peace centre here in Northern Ireland, about an hour away from Belfast. I just want to know if I'm accepted, visit them all, and then choose. Like by the end of this week would be ideal. I feel like I'm just drawing things out here at the Cottage and I'm really, really ready to move on.


********************************
Don't make it a big deal, don't be so sensitive.
We're not playing a game anymore, you don't have to be so defensive.
Sleep to dream - Fiona Apple

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you are like my brothers and get faint by talk of feminine hygiene products, look away now. The Diva Cup is an alternative to tampons and pads. It apparently catches the flow and you just empty it, rinse and reuse. You only use one like forever, apparently. I wanted to see one, but there were no retailers in my area. Has anyone seen this? I didn't want to shell out $25 and get a dixie cup or something! Well, the testimonials sound convincing enough. I came across this from a blog on Metafilter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy Birthday, Adam!

Today is my youngest brother's 22nd birthday.

Did I mention that I dyed my hair red? Yeah, I know my hair is red, but I dyed it like bright red. I was getting comments that I looked more brunette and some even accused of not being a redhead at all. Anyhow, I like the new color; it spices things up a bit.

Now that I am less jet lagged and delirious, I can talk about the journey back over the Atlantic. Where to begin? Well, I had the opportunity to assist a woman who passed out on the plane. This did involve exposing my bra to the people in my cabin, but you don't really care when it is an emergency. I got to see London Gatwick airport, which will hopefully be the last time I see London Gatwick airport. I actually had nightmares about it when I got back to Belfast. I woke up in my sleep screaming "they didn't even have people movers!" Sad, but true. I also started crying while in line at McDonald's waiting for a Happy Meal. It had nothing to do with the Happy Meal, though it did remind me of that scene in "Big Daddy" when Adam Sandler yells, "Can somebody get this kid a Happy Meal?!" Usually, by the time I get to London, I am so tired anyways, and this trip was just more draining than usual, that my emotions got the better of me.

Let's see, what else? Oh I got a movie star style coat that is oh-so-fab. I have got to get a big pair of dark sunglasses so I can look like I'm 'incognito'. ;-)

The weather is so beautiful here in Belfast. My goodness Chicago was cold. I mean, it's winter weather here, but I don't feel like I am going to get frostbite while walking out to the car, as I did at home.

Well, now that I am feeling new and refreshed, I suppose I should start unpacking. Hope all is well with everyone.

Lots of love,
Sabrina ;-)

-------------------------------------------------------------

I have never been so insulted in all my life
I could swallow the seas to wash down all this pride
First, you run like a fool just to be at my side
Now you run like a fool but you just run to hide
and I can't abide

"Sleep to dream" - Fiona Apple

Have an old book or magazine that you're not selling on ebay? Donate it to a library in Zambia. They ask that you put an inspirational message on the inside, if possible.

http://booksforzambia.com/

Okay - total buzzkill about to follow.

During my visit home to America, I learned that people in my hometown don't know about the big Coke Scandal. This really surprised me, as there is much ado about it over here n the UK. This apparently isn't your run of the mill child labor dispute. This actually involves murder.

Good thing I drink Pepsi.

http://www.cokewatch.org

Back in Belfast. Jet lagged and tired. As often as I travel, I always look like a novice and someone asked me one of my flights, 'is this your first time flying?' Anyhow, I am still a bit delirious, but wanted to post. I'm pasting in a post from December 23 (the day before I left Belfast) that I never got around to putting up. Enjoy, and I'll fill you in on all the travel details later. Until then, I'm Pat Sajak.

I watched ‘Fight Club’ last night. That is one messed up movie. I can’t stop thinking about it and I even dreamt of alternative endings for it last night. I already knew the ‘surprise’ at the end, but that’s actually when it got really good – after that was divulged.

More hampers and toys off today. We finished early, about 1:30. I can’t believe I’m flying to America tomorrow. I’m not the least bit prepared. I’m hoping to just have a carry on bag because I don’t need much considering I have a room full of stuff at home anyways. I can’t wait to sort through all of that and get rid of it. I’m donating so much of it and that will feel better.

To get everyone in the Christmas spirit, I’m going to share a song with you that I learned during my time here in Quaker Cottage. Perhaps you have heard of it…
When Santa got stuck up the chimney,
he began to shout,
you girls and boys
won’t get any toys
if you don’t pull me out
my beard is black,
there’s soot on my sack
my nose is tickly too
when Santa got stuck up the chimney,
Achoo, achoo, achoo!

Wasn’t that lovely?

Now if I could only remember the words to Frosty the Snowman….

I can't believe it's already time to go back. I will be leaving my parents' house and America, for that matter in just a couple of days. I'm getting sad b/c my Mom is getting sad and that makes me feel guilty for leaving. I'll miss the puppy loads. I guess I'm just a little nervous, too, since I have no idea where my next project will be - not even the country to which I'll be moving. There are also some things I wanted to accomplish during my time here which I wasn't able to do; - Go to the dentist, donate my stuff, visit certain people, etc. I did go with Angie today to get measured for the bridesmaid dress, so that's a big obligation I managed to fulfill. We went out to lunch at Applebees, and it was oh so yummy. I miss the sit down restaurant atmosphere when I'm away from America.

Last night I started questioning what it is I want to do in life and where it is that I'm going. I've come across setbacks in setting up my non profit organization here in Hammond, and then I started remembering why it was I hadn't done direct services before. I felt I could make a bigger impact by working in policy and advocacy. This reminded me that that's why I want to go to law school, etc. etc. I guess I just have to step back every now and again and refocus. I do want to law school, and I had decided to do that in the UK b/c of finances. I need to find out more details.

Ronan and I began talking again while he was here in America. He is dating someone back in Derry, though, and I haven't really spoken to him since he got back. He said he was going to end things with her and we are supposed to give our relationship another go. I guess I'm a bit apprehensive about that as well, b/c I feel like we still have the same issues we had before and I wonder if we'll both be patient enough this time to work through them. The fact that I may be moving to a different country, however close it may be, may also throw a wrench into our plans.

I guess there are just a lot of variables that I am going to face upon my return and when they're all put together, it seems like a large mountain to climb. There's a whole lot of positive, but there's a struggle to get there.

Mom just gave the puppy, Licorice, a bath and he is running wild in circles around the house. Umm, I think that means he liked it, or umm not, don't know. Well, at least he's not stinky anymore. :-p