It finally happened. I have to get one of my wisdom teeth removed. I told the dentist I wasn't sure exactly which tooth was hurting, just had pain somewhere in that area. She stuck the scraper thing right into a tooth which caused me to gasp loudly and form the reverse plank position. "Guess we found the pain!", I quipped.
My appointment for the removal isn't until Halloween, so until then I have antibiotics and some strong ibuprofen. I recently read a story about a man who died from a tooth infection. He didn't have enough money for both the pain medicine and the antibiotics, so he opted for the pain meds and died. I got my antibiotics free at Meijer. Granted, Meijer is only in a few states, but it may be on the $4 list at WalMart and Target. Though, sometimes you can't spare $4. I was fortunate.
I was surprised to learn that you don't have to go under anesthesia for the procedure. That was one of my main fears about getting a wisdom tooth removed. Although it'd be convenient to not be aware of what was happening, I worry about anesthesia since it's so close to, you know, death.
Last night I had very vivid dreams. Since my pain medicine is only a high dose of ibuprofen, I can't put any blame there. I dreamt that I was talking to Chaz (my friend who passed away February 28th) on the phone. His voice was deeper, but still familiar. We were just chatting, but I remember him saying that it was sad he had to go when he did because we were only just starting to get to know each other. I replied that it would give me something to look forward to (when I cross over). I began to wake up or something because then I started to question what number came up on the caller ID and how could it really be Chaz when he was gone, and then I woke up. It was a nice message, and I appreciated it.
I also have been feeling things about Mike. I was just thinking that I was doing so well and how much less it hurt now, four years since he died, and then, BAM - a song comes on in Dollar General and seemingly out of nowhere, I am fighting back tears. Because I am a glutton for punishment, I come home, put on one of his shirts and watch a music video that also has special meaning. It's the first time I've shed a tear for him in awhile. The feeling remains with me for awhile and I am surrounded by thoughts/memories so strong that I can practically FEEL him there with me. It's comforting and sad because one of the reasons why it hurts less is because I got used to life without him. As horrible as that sounds, the 'missing' him part is just less because life adjusted. You're no longer expecting a phone call, reaching for the phone, coming across his things, or planning your day/life around/with/for him. When a reminder comes by, it gives you that warmth or remembering what it was like, but that sadness, because you miss it again. Then you have to remember, "Don't cry because it's over; Smile because it happened."
In addition, though, for me, I still have a hole in my life where he was and though he can never be replaced, it needs to be filled. For awhile Chaz was my good friend and even helped me with Mike, using his medium skills to connect with him. Now that Chaz is gone, too. I don't have that connection to either of them. I want to have another bff who I can talk to four or five times a day about nothing and everything. Or not to talk for a week and know you can pick up right where you left off. Have someone who sees you better than you see yourself and appreciates and accepts all the qualities that make you who you are. Is that really too much to ask?