Only five?
Is this your soul mate?
In other news, I stepped on a nail at work on Thursday so we had to fill out an incident report in case I go on worker's comp or something. Luckily my tetatnus shot is up to date....
The blessing thing & Panachida was nice. The priest was all decked out in his shiny outfit and I got to be the altar boy. He said they don't have altar girls, so I was an altar boy. I held the holy water. Never did that before. Then I got to play in the dirt planting flowers at the head of Mike's grave. I am not a gardener, but his Mom just told me exactly what to do and I did it. It was actually pretty satisfying. And I got some sun. My face doesn't seem to qualify me for "pale force" anymore. At least for the next few days, anyways.
Copied from myspace blog 11/10/13
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Blessing - 40 days
Apparently, today is forty days since Mike died. This is supposedly supposed to mark the end of the official "mourning" period, at least in one religion. Tomorrow we are having a graveside service to bless the grave. The priest is meeting us out there. Mike's mom will plant some flowers. I got Sandy to help me help her b/c I'm not exactly handy like that.
As for the forty day thing, I don't know if I believe that b/c I will miss him the rest of my life. Although, today I did feel something different. Whether it was a greater sense of acceptance, or what, I don't know. Leaving his parents' house tonight, it was about midnight and I really felt like I might faint. The weather, the lighting, the street, it was all so familiar, and it was like I was back in the day when we used to walk up and down those streets and hang out with our friends. I was so overwhelmed with this feeling, like I really was in a different time or situation that I felt like I was going to pass out. I tried to shake it off so I could get home, but as I walked up to my parents' house, the same thing happened. I could see me and Mike on my front porch, I remembered what it felt like to cuddle inside his denim jacket. I remembered the fights we had on that porch. It was all coming at me at once and again, I thought I would faint. I put my hand on the brick wall for support and now a new set of memories came forth. My eyes started going to the back of my head and my knees began to buckle. I eventually made it in the house alright. My little stinkers got my mind off all that as soon as I got in here. They are blessings. Now I better get some sleep so I can get up for this other blessing tomorrow.
Copied from myspace blog 11/10/13
As for the forty day thing, I don't know if I believe that b/c I will miss him the rest of my life. Although, today I did feel something different. Whether it was a greater sense of acceptance, or what, I don't know. Leaving his parents' house tonight, it was about midnight and I really felt like I might faint. The weather, the lighting, the street, it was all so familiar, and it was like I was back in the day when we used to walk up and down those streets and hang out with our friends. I was so overwhelmed with this feeling, like I really was in a different time or situation that I felt like I was going to pass out. I tried to shake it off so I could get home, but as I walked up to my parents' house, the same thing happened. I could see me and Mike on my front porch, I remembered what it felt like to cuddle inside his denim jacket. I remembered the fights we had on that porch. It was all coming at me at once and again, I thought I would faint. I put my hand on the brick wall for support and now a new set of memories came forth. My eyes started going to the back of my head and my knees began to buckle. I eventually made it in the house alright. My little stinkers got my mind off all that as soon as I got in here. They are blessings. Now I better get some sleep so I can get up for this other blessing tomorrow.
Copied from myspace blog 11/10/13
Friday, April 20, 2007
Friends with the ex
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=6016&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657&menuid=7>1=9278
Why some exes stay so close
Most divorces involve some bitter feelings, that's for sure. And the time right after the separation is made official can be one when feelings of anger, disappointment and grief come bubbling up to the surface. So if you're in that stage but the person you're seeing has been divorced longer, it's natural for him or her to have mellowed, mood-wise, as the months and years pass. "After time, it is possible for exes to be friends. Remember that everyone is different," says Dr. Gilda Carle, Ph.D., a relationship expert, MSN's Suddenly Single advice columnist and the author of Don't Bet On The Prince!, among other books. "And everyone's circumstances are different. Actually, you could probably use some pointers yourself about how to get over the pain of divorce. Let your date be a role model for you, because you can't have a solid relationship until you are over your past anger."
Danielle, 41, of Morristown, NJ, is one of those people who needed a role model, but at first wasn't ready to have one: "Right after my divorce was finalized, I starting dating Joe. He was on such good terms with his ex, I couldn't handle it. Whenever he'd refer to a good conversation they'd had or how they worked so well together to raise the kids, I'd start seething inside. I was such a raw nerve... It almost sounded as if he was bragging or showing off, and I'd get knotted up inside. It took time and frank discussions for me to understand he could be a real source of support for me—and now I'm so grateful for that."
When exes are too close for comfort
However, there are times when a date's good relationship with his or her ex can be, well, too good. Listen to this tale from Tom of Detroit: "I started dating this woman who must have spoken to her ex like five times a day. One night, we were discussing this job offer she got over dinner, and it was all, 'Well, my ex says I should ask them this' and 'My ex says I should get a counter-offer to that…' and it was so obvious that she'd spent the whole afternoon consulting him instead of me. That was the last straw."
Yes, sometimes exes remain connected because they can't break the connection. If you're dating such a person, be on the lookout for closeness that seems a bit too cozy. Says Dr. Gilda, "The most obvious sign is when he devotes more time to his ex than he does to you. Talk is cheap, but behavior tells everything. Check out how often he calls, how he keeps his word with you, whether his conversations are punctuated with mentions of her, and whether he's trying to impress you with how in demand he is that his ex still wants him." If you're seeing signs that you're playing second banana to someone who is supposedly a part of his past, it's time to move on.
Anne Goldfarb writes for many national magazines.
Copied from myspace blog 11/10/13
Friends with the ex?
By Anne Goldfarb If you're recently divorced, chances are, you and your ex still have some stuff to work out and you two aren't good buddies who hoist a beer together just yet. And so it may be particularly difficult for you to deal if you discover one of the new people you're dating has a really good, tight friendship going with his or her ex. "How can she?!" you may wonder. Or perhaps, "What's really going on between those two?" Let's take a closer look at the situation and see what we can do to answer those questions and calm your concerns.Why some exes stay so close
Most divorces involve some bitter feelings, that's for sure. And the time right after the separation is made official can be one when feelings of anger, disappointment and grief come bubbling up to the surface. So if you're in that stage but the person you're seeing has been divorced longer, it's natural for him or her to have mellowed, mood-wise, as the months and years pass. "After time, it is possible for exes to be friends. Remember that everyone is different," says Dr. Gilda Carle, Ph.D., a relationship expert, MSN's Suddenly Single advice columnist and the author of Don't Bet On The Prince!, among other books. "And everyone's circumstances are different. Actually, you could probably use some pointers yourself about how to get over the pain of divorce. Let your date be a role model for you, because you can't have a solid relationship until you are over your past anger."
Danielle, 41, of Morristown, NJ, is one of those people who needed a role model, but at first wasn't ready to have one: "Right after my divorce was finalized, I starting dating Joe. He was on such good terms with his ex, I couldn't handle it. Whenever he'd refer to a good conversation they'd had or how they worked so well together to raise the kids, I'd start seething inside. I was such a raw nerve... It almost sounded as if he was bragging or showing off, and I'd get knotted up inside. It took time and frank discussions for me to understand he could be a real source of support for me—and now I'm so grateful for that."
When exes are too close for comfort
However, there are times when a date's good relationship with his or her ex can be, well, too good. Listen to this tale from Tom of Detroit: "I started dating this woman who must have spoken to her ex like five times a day. One night, we were discussing this job offer she got over dinner, and it was all, 'Well, my ex says I should ask them this' and 'My ex says I should get a counter-offer to that…' and it was so obvious that she'd spent the whole afternoon consulting him instead of me. That was the last straw."
Yes, sometimes exes remain connected because they can't break the connection. If you're dating such a person, be on the lookout for closeness that seems a bit too cozy. Says Dr. Gilda, "The most obvious sign is when he devotes more time to his ex than he does to you. Talk is cheap, but behavior tells everything. Check out how often he calls, how he keeps his word with you, whether his conversations are punctuated with mentions of her, and whether he's trying to impress you with how in demand he is that his ex still wants him." If you're seeing signs that you're playing second banana to someone who is supposedly a part of his past, it's time to move on.
Anne Goldfarb writes for many national magazines.
Copied from myspace blog 11/10/13
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Under the wire - (taxes)
Woohoo! Just got done filing my taxes. I wasn't really in a hurry since the federal government keeps my refunds to pay for my student loans. 
I also finally got to this multi media library on campus and used the scanner that has the document feeder.
Woohoo. They have other stuff too like film scanner and VCR/DVR thingees. Pretty cool. It's like in the basement of the basement, though, and I'm so fricking hot, I can't wait to get out of here. Just thought I'd do a little jot before I left. Happy tax day, everyone!!!! Yeee haaww!
Copied from myspace blog 11/10/13
I also finally got to this multi media library on campus and used the scanner that has the document feeder.
Woohoo. They have other stuff too like film scanner and VCR/DVR thingees. Pretty cool. It's like in the basement of the basement, though, and I'm so fricking hot, I can't wait to get out of here. Just thought I'd do a little jot before I left. Happy tax day, everyone!!!! Yeee haaww!
Copied from myspace blog 11/10/13
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Pink shoes
Why am I the only female in this computer lab? I'm starting to feel a little uncomfortable...Damn, I've got to stick to doing my myspace at work. I need a computer bad! Anyhow, I accidentally left the house in my pink houseshoes. I mean, they have hard bottoms and stuff and are exactly like a black pair of shoes I have, I just wear the pink ones only around the house, cuz they're, you know, PINK. And I don't mean like light daisy pink, I mean like glow-in-the-dark eighties pink - fuschia. Oh yeah, and I forgot to brush my hair after that nap I took after work. Wowee, I am seeexxxy. Good think my sweater camoflauges the Taco Bell I spilled on my shirt, now that would just be embarrassing.
Oh no, they just made, the "get the hell out of here, losers" announcement. This lady cracks me up. "The library is closing in TWEEENNNTTTYY MINUTES" if you need help with anything, get your happy ass up here so we can close this shit down, yo. Word.
Is there no dignity left? (Not after I just said, "yo" and "word" apparently
)
Copied from myspace blog 11/10/2013
Oh no, they just made, the "get the hell out of here, losers" announcement. This lady cracks me up. "The library is closing in TWEEENNNTTTYY MINUTES" if you need help with anything, get your happy ass up here so we can close this shit down, yo. Word.
Is there no dignity left? (Not after I just said, "yo" and "word" apparently
)Copied from myspace blog 11/10/2013
Month
It's been a month now since Mike died. Normally I would say it seems like longer or sooner, but right now, it just seems like a month. I really don't think I will ever fully grasp that he is no longer on this earth. The last night I slept in his apartment, I had a dream and we were talking. I couldn't see him or anything, just heard his voice. The last thing he said to me was, "I don't exist anymore". I started crying and I said, "yes, you do! Yes, you do!" and woke myself up saying that and crying.
It seems that would be a difficult thing to hear, and it was, but it was also very helpful. Here I was, in his apartment with his things, sleeping on his pillows trying so hard to feel close to him. Closing my eyes and trying to think of every memory, hoping that I would somehow feel his spirit, his presence, hoping he was still here. I replay that sentence in my mind, "I don't exist anymore", to try and come to grips with the fact that he is not here. I am comfortable with the fact that he is with Jesus, and there isn't a doubt in my mind about that, however, he is not of this earth any longer. I touched his body, there was no heartbeat, no warmth. He does not exist in the world I live in. I need to accept that, but first, I need to comprehend it.
Copied from myspace blog 11/10/13
It seems that would be a difficult thing to hear, and it was, but it was also very helpful. Here I was, in his apartment with his things, sleeping on his pillows trying so hard to feel close to him. Closing my eyes and trying to think of every memory, hoping that I would somehow feel his spirit, his presence, hoping he was still here. I replay that sentence in my mind, "I don't exist anymore", to try and come to grips with the fact that he is not here. I am comfortable with the fact that he is with Jesus, and there isn't a doubt in my mind about that, however, he is not of this earth any longer. I touched his body, there was no heartbeat, no warmth. He does not exist in the world I live in. I need to accept that, but first, I need to comprehend it.
Copied from myspace blog 11/10/13
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Ghetto Fabulous
Okay, I have nearly 79,000 miles on my five year old car. It has been just fine and dandy until the last month when it got hit twice - while parked. Seriously, are you kidding me? The first time the fricking recycling truck hit it and blamed my brother forcing me to not file a police report and the second, well, I won't go into this second since it's an "ongoing investigation". *Ahem*. Is it just a coincidence that it was just paid off? Hmm...
Went to the store today and man was it ghetto. I mean, I thought some places I went in Lafayette were ghetto, but when I walked into this place in Highland I realized I had forgotten what ghetto really was. I walked in the door, someone's phone rings and she answers and then she's yelling, "I got more hair than you, nuh uh, I got more than you." And then, "I'm hanging up now, I'm hanging now". A few more f-bombs in full ear shot of everyone in the store including children getting easter bunnies and five minutes later, still, "I'm hanging up now". Bitch, you said you were gonna hang up five minutes ago on this bitch who called you bald, so please, PLEASE, just do it. Then more yelling across the store from other customers, screaming children, arguments amongst store staff and I was wishing I could just have the store to myself like rich and famous people do. Then again, if I was rich and famous, I wouldn't have been at this store.
I'm crabby (news flash, right?). I'm tired. I moved shit and put a phone line in and I don't do that kind of stuff like ever, so I'm going to sleep now.
Oh yeah, Happy Easter!
P.S. - I watched "The Ten Commandments" on TV tonight with Mike's mom. Wow, that is a looong movie...(there's that crabbiness again.)
Copied from myspace blog 11/10/13
Went to the store today and man was it ghetto. I mean, I thought some places I went in Lafayette were ghetto, but when I walked into this place in Highland I realized I had forgotten what ghetto really was. I walked in the door, someone's phone rings and she answers and then she's yelling, "I got more hair than you, nuh uh, I got more than you." And then, "I'm hanging up now, I'm hanging now". A few more f-bombs in full ear shot of everyone in the store including children getting easter bunnies and five minutes later, still, "I'm hanging up now". Bitch, you said you were gonna hang up five minutes ago on this bitch who called you bald, so please, PLEASE, just do it. Then more yelling across the store from other customers, screaming children, arguments amongst store staff and I was wishing I could just have the store to myself like rich and famous people do. Then again, if I was rich and famous, I wouldn't have been at this store.
I'm crabby (news flash, right?). I'm tired. I moved shit and put a phone line in and I don't do that kind of stuff like ever, so I'm going to sleep now.
Oh yeah, Happy Easter!
P.S. - I watched "The Ten Commandments" on TV tonight with Mike's mom. Wow, that is a looong movie...(there's that crabbiness again.)
Copied from myspace blog 11/10/13
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Thank you!
Thank you Butch, Brent, & Scott for your help in cleaning out Mike's apartment. I am so glad it's all done now. Well, at least the stuff in the apartment is out - Mike's mom still has a whole lot to go through. Anyhow, you guys are fricking awesome for carrying all that shit! Youz my boyz now. (See, I told you I'm old!)
And thanks, Butch, Scott & Jenn, for not making me feel like a totally weirdo during my mini-meltdown last night. My head hurt for hours afterwards cuz I cried so fricking hard for so long.
Anyone who lives in Schererville, guard your carpet shampooers! Someone named Mark may just come whilst your sleeping and "borrow" it. And by borrow, I mean steal. And by steal, I mean, intend to keep til I call the cops on your ass and you bring it back with your tail between your legs. So dumb.
And if your landlord's a douchebag, just stage a sit-in. Funny how things just seem to stop disappearing when someone's there to see them. Sure it was my entire weekend, but that's nothing compared to the anguish we would've gone thru had they taken whatever else they wanted and dumped the rest of Mike's shit in the dumpster.
Okay, I guess I'll go shower now since I haven't had soap in the last three days. I know, attractive, huh? Oh yeah, Butch, thanks for that pop and water on Friday! That and Aurelio's pizza got me thru the weekend ;-) Can't believe it's back to Lafayette and work tomorrow.
Wait, shower postponed again, gotta run to Mike's mom to bring some more boxes. At least the dogs like the smell of me :-)
Thanks again, seriously, I wouldn't have made it without all of you!
Copied from myspace blog 11/10/2013
And thanks, Butch, Scott & Jenn, for not making me feel like a totally weirdo during my mini-meltdown last night. My head hurt for hours afterwards cuz I cried so fricking hard for so long.
Anyone who lives in Schererville, guard your carpet shampooers! Someone named Mark may just come whilst your sleeping and "borrow" it. And by borrow, I mean steal. And by steal, I mean, intend to keep til I call the cops on your ass and you bring it back with your tail between your legs. So dumb.
And if your landlord's a douchebag, just stage a sit-in. Funny how things just seem to stop disappearing when someone's there to see them. Sure it was my entire weekend, but that's nothing compared to the anguish we would've gone thru had they taken whatever else they wanted and dumped the rest of Mike's shit in the dumpster.
Okay, I guess I'll go shower now since I haven't had soap in the last three days. I know, attractive, huh? Oh yeah, Butch, thanks for that pop and water on Friday! That and Aurelio's pizza got me thru the weekend ;-) Can't believe it's back to Lafayette and work tomorrow.
Wait, shower postponed again, gotta run to Mike's mom to bring some more boxes. At least the dogs like the smell of me :-)
Thanks again, seriously, I wouldn't have made it without all of you!
Copied from myspace blog 11/10/2013
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