Wednesday, December 30, 2015

My new family member

On Christmas Eve, I officially adopted a fur baby. His name is Chewy. He is eight years old and a Bichon Yorkie mix. He is such a good dog and I look forward to our many adventures together. This is the first time I have had a dog by myself, so I am a bit nervous, but I have hopes this is just the beginning of many great things to come.

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

A couple of articles

Just came across these in facebook and it is like the universe is reading my mind

http://www.bustle.com/articles/129270-7-signs-you-grew-up-with-a-toxic-parent-didnt-know-it




http://www.bustle.com/articles/128987-11-things-you-learn-about-body-positivity-when-you-date-a-smaller-partner?utm_source=FBOnsite

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Just let him go

You left him. You decided to end your marriage. You started another relationship. You moved in with someone else. You told him to find someone else. Then he did. And you lost your shit.

You can't have it both ways. You can't not want him and not want him to be with anyone else. You can't cut the tie that binds and expect him to hold up his end long after you abandoned yours and tied onto someone else. It's not fair; to him, to your new partner, to me, the one he found. We all now suffer because like a two year old who hoards their toys, you don't want anyone else to have him: The one you long ago discarded.

Just let him go.

Please.

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Grand Opening - Indiana Style

I don't mean to brag, but I attended a Grand Opening this weekend. I know, be jealous. A hot, new nightclub? Nope. Perhaps a museum? Not quite. See, here in Indiana, our Grand Openings have a more practical nature. The Kroger Marketplace opened up directly across the street from the old Kroger. It's a good time to be a Hoosier.

The new Kroger Marketplace has a fuel station. We have plenty of gas stations 'round these here parts, but no Kroger station. You can use your Kroger loyalty card to get a certain amount off each gallon of gas. Score! I pulled in and saw gas was only $1.67! The lowest I've seen it in probably a decade. Double Score! I worry that I won't be able to use my Kroger card at the pump because I only have the key chain card and not the full size one that you slide in and out. Well, lo and behold, you can scan your key chain card at the pump. Triple Score! Now I choose my fuel type and see that they are offering a 20 cent per gallon discount if you scan your Kroger card in honor of the Grand Opening. Grand Slam! You can put it on the board...YES! Gas for $1.47 a gallon.

Once I filled up, I made my way across the parking lot to the main event. I was thinking  I would probably have to park far away, but I found a spot pretty close to the door. Sweet! Reminds me of the days of the small store. You know, like last week.

My first order of business was to buy a new wallet. Mine has been falling apart for some time now, and it really is time to put it out of its misery. The problem was that I couldn't find another one with the same kind of layout. I was having trouble finding them, so I asked a couple of friendly Kroger associates who pointed out it was in the very next aisle over and gave me a coupon for 25% off. Don't mind if I do.

I saw these tubs of cranberries and I had the strong urge recreate the scene from I Love Lucy, where they smash grapes with their feet.

I was really intrigued by this ice cream. It looked a lot like the Mickey Mouse ice cream I've been craving for years but is out of circulation. I decided to give it a try. The reality of what came out of the package was a bit of a disappointment compared to the picture. The bottom pink part came half off just from being unwrapped. Oh well. Win some, lose some. And yes, I unwrapped it in the car in the parking lot because I could not wait to get home.

They seem to have a lot of vegetarian options, which is good. Though I didn't see my run of the mill Morningstar or Boca products. I did, however, get a lecture on the unhealthiness of vegetarianism by one of the associates handing out wafer samples with dip. I asked what was in the dip, which is what started the discussion. How long have I been a vegetarian she asks? Twenty-one years. She seems taken aback. In my mind, I'm rolling my eyes. I am by no means the picture of health, far from it! but my B12 levels are perfect. And since when did I ask for the opinion of the sample person at the new Kroger?

And in that mood, I turned the corner and saw that Kroger threw up Christmas.







Woman in the parking lot as we were leaving says, "The new store is great, but it was too big, it gave me a headache." I hear ya, sistah. Good thing there is 20% off liquor for the Grand Opening. Oh, but wait, it's Sunday. We can't buy alcohol in Indiana on Sunday, because you know, Jesus. Oh, how you tease us, new Kroger!

Monday, November 16, 2015

American Ronan

I have met the American version of Ronan and he is an asshole. What? You say. How does this differ from Irish Ronan? Well, I can see it so clearly when I’m not blinded my feelings or the novelty of his Irish accent. Twelve years ago this month is when I was first cast under Irish Ronan’s spell.

American Ronan, let's call him "John", and I met online (as did Irish Ronan and I). He was tall and slender, just like Ronan. We were instant messaging each other and when I tell him I'm looking for Mr. Right, he tells me he's more like Mr. Right Now. I tell him that's not what I'm looking for and we are about to go our separate ways when he starts detailing his life story on me. I am really intrigued so I keep asking more questions. At the end he asks if he ever had a shot. A shot at what? No, I told you I don't want to bang, I didn't think talking to you would lead you to believe I'd changed my mind. He basically says I led him on and even worse, made him tell me his life story for nothing. Whatever, he's a douche.

So if this would have been Ronan, I would have felt bad for misleading him and questioned whether or not I was to blame.

Some other things "John" said that prove he is an asshole:

"I'll keep going until two or three seconds after she says stop."

"I do the job of like five people at work, they can't keep me busy enough."

"No condom?"

"Are you this hard on all men?"

Voice mail message: "If it's important, I'll get back with you. If not, don't hold your breath."

"Sometimes I have a silver tongue, or can talk people into what I want."

"I still want something more sexual based instead of emotionally based."

"I want sex, and if friends come out of it, so be it...but I don't want to become a friend and never leave the friend zone."

"I like to have sex with bigger women, but date skinny girls."
----------------------------------

I really don't need to say more about John. I mean, he's an asshole. But what has been so glorious about meeting this asshole is that he has helped open my eyes to the reality of what Ronan is. Some of things John said are the same as what Ronan said, and I can so easily roll my eyes at John and move on but for some reason, leave my heart strings tied to Ronan. Part of it is my love for him. Part of it is the novelty of his nationality. Another part of it is that he reminds me of a time of my life where I was actually living life the way I wanted to live it. I was young and pretty carefree and just moving from country to country without much thought or planning. That's something that I will probably never get back. It's like having Ronan in my life is a connection to that part of my former self.

But that doesn't mean he's not an asshole.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Give a mouse a cookie

Despite working at a high poverty school, my students can be very ungrateful at times. They are definitely not shy about asking for more. Here are some instances I've come across in just the last couple of months as a high school teacher;

Buying Jimmy Johns for student and him asking me to heat it up for him, making a special trip to the other side of the school.

Did science fair project research for student; he lost it within an hour and told me to do it for him again.

Print off color photos for their project for another class and they complain about the quality, size, and/or want to go back and print more because they didn't realize how small they would print out.

Buying poster boards for them and them asking for a new one because they made a tiny mis-mark on theirs.

Saying, "it was only $1" when I asked them to not waste the colored electrical tape that I bought with my own money for their project.

Buying candy bars, sweet tarts, nerds, twizzlers and still having someone complain that I don't have the candy they like and/or there isn't enough of it.

Asking me to give up my lunch/prep time to help them, and additionally asking me to buy THEM lunch.

A student had their teacher call me and ask if they could come do their work in my office. I told them they could, but they had to come straight here, no bathroom, no locker and I would not let them leave once they got there. I go out in the hallway to see what is taking them so long, and see them coming out of the bathroom. "I can't even go to the bathroom? Forget it, I'm going back to class."

I was helping students with a geometry quiz. I haven't studied geometry in over 25 years. All I have to do is read the words to them and make sure they have a calculator. What I do, though, is provide them with an example for each section to jog their memory. As I'm looking through my notes to figure something out, they start talking to each other about non school related stuff. I tell them to keep it down. Thirty seconds later, again. Finally, I snap and say, "forget it, I'm not helping you. Do it on your own." They look at each other and me like I have lost my mind. 

Monday, November 02, 2015

Car Accident

Last week I was involved in a car accident. I was on my way to work on Wednesday morning about 7:30 a.m. I was on the expressway. I was cruising right along when seemingly out of nowhere there was a vehicle at a dead stop. I’m not sure exactly how fast I was going, but it was at least 40 mph. I remember the red bumper getting larger and larger. I came to the realization that this was indeed happening. I was going to hit this car, and I was going to hit it hard. I think I may have even recoiled instinctively in my seat, trying to get as far away from the approaching car as possible.

I see cars pulling over to the shoulder.  My car wouldn’t move. There were lights flashing everywhere in the car. I wondered if the airbag might have a delayed reaction. I realized my glasses were no longer on my face. They had flown off during the impact. I look at the front passenger seat and wonder what other things aren’t where they are supposed to be. I see a line of cars behind me.

The man in the car in front of me tells me to put my car in neutral. He pushed me to the side of the road.

I tried to call 911. There was some recording. I could not comprehend what it was saying. I was so confused. All I was prepared to do was say I had been in a car accident and give my location. This was outside my realm of understanding. I hang up and then the man who pushed me over comes to my window, and I just hand him my phone and tell him something about 911. He has his own phone, of course, and calls from it. 

He tells me that maybe my car just died out from the impact and to try and start it again. I do, and it starts, but it still won't move. 

I called Mom crying. I called Jay to pick me up. And to just help me because I can’t even think right now.  

The police showed up. Tell me to turn my car off. It was smelling funny and smoking.

Jay showed up.

Immediately after accident. Bruises expanded.
The car was towed.

I went to the emergency room. There were metal detectors. Jay has to go back and put his knife in the car. 

The pain will get worse before it gets better they tell me.

I rented a car.


When you look down at your bruises and smile wide because you know how lucky you are that's the only injury you have. And that injury from the seat belt kept you from getting far worse injuries. 

Friday, October 16, 2015

Dreams again

I was given a medication I can take to stop nightmares. But once I start it, I can't just stop. The main side effect is dizziness upon standing. I was so not going to take it but after the nightmares I've had the past couple of nights I'm strongly considering it. I think they really do affect my mood during the day.

Here are some of the symbols from my dreams recently; (I dreamt I was riding a horse while lying down that I couldn't control, or never learned how to control and it didn't stop at the train tracks when a train was going by at high speed and was decapitated. I believe the horse was brown)

Horseback Riding 
To dream that go horseback riding indicates that you are in a high position or in a position of power. You have confidence in your ability. Alternatively, the dream represents your lack of integrity. You will achieve success through underhanded means. If you are riding a horse that is out of control, then it means that you are being carried away by your passions.


Horse 
To see a horse in your dream symbolizes strength, power, endurance, virility and sexual prowess. It also represents a strong, physical energy. You need to tame the wild forces within. The dream may also be a pun that you are "horsing around". Alternatively, to see a horse in your dream indicates that you need to be less arrogant and "get off your high horse"

If you see a dead horse in your dream, then it indicates that something in your life that initially offered you strength is now gone. This may refer to a relationship or situation. Consider the phrase "beating a dead horse" to indicate that you may have maximized the usefulness of a certain circumstance.

Train 
To see a train in your dream represents conformity. You are just going along with what everyone else is doing. Alternatively, a train means that you are very methodical. You need to lay things out specifically and do things in an orderly and sequential manner. In particular, if you see a freight train, then it refers to the burdens and problems that you are hauling around. It is also symbolic of manual labor. If you see a passenger train, then it relates to mental work. If you see or play with a model train in your dream, then it indicates that you want more control and power over your own life and where it is headed. Dreaming of trains may also be a metaphor that you are "in training" for some event, job or goal. According to Freud, a train is analogous to the male penis.
To see or dream that you are in a train wreck suggests chaos. The path to your goals are not going according to the way you planned it out. You are lacking self-confidence and having doubt in your ability to reach your goals. If you dream that a train collides with a car, then it indicates that your life goals are in conflict with your belief system. Perhaps someone wants you to pursue a goal that you are not passionate about. To dream that someone is hit by a train implies that they are on the wrong path in life. Perhaps you need to guide them in the right direction. Such dreams may also be a projection of your own Self. In other words, you are on the wrong life path and need to alter your course.

Behead 
To dream that you or someone else is being beheaded signifies poor judgment or a bad decision that you have made and regretted. You are not thinking clearly and are refusing to see the truth. You need to confront the situation or the person despite the pain and discomfort you might feel in doing so. The dream also suggests that you have the tendency to act before you think.
To dream that a snake is being beheaded indicates that you are refusing to face your fears.

Decapitation

This dream suggests you feel you are losing control in your waking life.

Horse

Depending on the details of the dream, horses can symbolize freedom, power and sexual energy. At times, they can also be considered messengers, relaying information from the unconscious to the conscious, from the spiritual to the physical. If you are horseback riding, it suggests that you are self assured and feel a sense of control in your daily life. Traditionally, the color of the horse is also significant. Black horses are said to point out delays; white horses are reinforcing the positive and transformative aspects of life; gray horses may point to the difficulties in the dreams current situation; Piebald horses are symbolic of confusion; brown horses of mental pursuits, and tan horses are said to be symbolic of love and sex.


Sunday, September 27, 2015

Blood Moon

Holy shit! I just had the most amazing date. Dinner and then to a park to watch the sun set and then the blood moon eclipse. I've been home for an hour, and I still feel tingly all over. This super moon is supposed to bring change into our lives. I hope this is the beginning of a great positive change.


Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Psych

Yesterday I got promoted at work. A 12% raise, an office, and no more lesson plans. Yes, please. 

Sounds great, right? Then why did I feel like I was going to throw up and needed to take a nap for the next week, after perhaps taking a Xanax?

I don't handle good news well. When I bought my first laptop computer, I took it out of the box and thought I was going to pass out. When my Dad told us kids that he was buying us a Nintendo, I damn near cried. Mom said it looked like I had just won a game show. After my Masters graduation ceremony, I had to take a nap. 

Because I always have impeccable timing (not), I had requested today off for a psychiatrist appointment. Apparently there is a shortage of psychiatrists in this part of the country and I had to be on wait list for a few months to see this one. 

On my way in, I shuddered at the thought that I might say something "wrong" and end up getting hospitalized. Then I remembered that psychiatrists only talk to a for a few minutes anyhow, so there was little chance of that happening. 

I ended up in the office for over an hour. I forgot this was an initial consultation, and they basically ask you to give them your life story, along with that of the rest of your family. At the end, there were three people in the room, the main guy, the med student, and the main guy's boss (?) maybe. They asked about intrusive thoughts, flashbacks and nightmares. Intrusive thoughts happen every day. I had to think about the other two. I have nightmares every so often, maybe about once a week. Flashbacks, less often. They suggested a medicine to help with flashbacks and nightmares. I got the prescription but said I didn't know if I would fill it.I just wanted to have it so I didn't have to wait months to get back in. 

I came home and took a nap, and I shit you not, I had a nightmare. I dreamt that Bill Cosby raped me. Wtf. I actually experienced the act happening. Horrifying. 

I am functioning these days, but I feel like I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm terrified that I will fail in my new position. They said that I really need weekly psychotherapy but there are no evening hours which would mean I would have to leave work an hour early once a week. I'm just scared to ask for that. If it was for diabetes treatment, I don't think I would be scared to ask. I would demand it. I'm only going to say it is for a dr appointment and not specifically what it's for, but I just worry. 

We decided to keep my meds as is for now, and I can add the anti-nightmare medicine if I want to. 

I came home and took a nap, naturally. 

Sunday, September 06, 2015

When he no longer loves you

Came across this video that was made from the article below it. "Watching Your Ex Fall in Love with Someone Else on Social Media"

https://www.facebook.com/SOML/videos/vb.571035253040893/657607704383647/?type=2&theater

http://www.buzzfeed.com/kirstenking/watching-your-ex-fall-in-love-with-someone-else#.cwNMo7bPp


Well, in my case, it went as far as seeing your ex have a baby with someone else.

Even as he was telling you that he would be your "back up plan" and father your child if you didn't find "the one" before your baby making days were over, he already had a bun baking in someone else's oven.

This shatters you; not only because he was deceitful, but also because your fantasy of "in a few years" or "sometime in the future" is gone. Gone into the eyes of a beautiful baby that is not yours.

Now you know you'll never have his child. You know there is no future for you, too. That dream you had about him eventually moving to America when his first child turned 18 (which was now just a few years away); the fantasy clocks starts over now... 18 more years? No, you know that's ludicrous. But it's always been ludicrous.

And like the writer of the article, I too, felt like I was REALLY the love in his life, and she was just the back up plan. If only we lived closer. I told myself, that like Carrie in "Sex and the City", I was the "complicated" one and she was the "convenient" one.

"I couldn’t digest that he could fall in love with someone else while I still loved him. At that point, I didn’t understand love could be one-sided like that. I couldn’t imagine he told her the things he told me, or looked at her the same way.
In my deluded state, I actually felt sorry for her. This poor girl’s boyfriend is in love with his ex, I thought. It’s funny how easy it is to believe the unbelievable when it hurts less.
I pictured him lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, wishing the girl lying next to him was me. It was easier to imagine he was sleeplessly staring at walls, searching for me in his bed, than to believe the truth: He wasn’t thinking of me at all."

Wednesday, September 02, 2015

Fantasy

I used to have this fantasy. I was in a pretty flowered sundress; knee length, with a white cardigan. My red hair is long, mostly straight with just a few flawless curls from the curling iron.I am on a fantastic international trip; Northern Ireland to be exact, for a very important reason, like a seminar or class or training. I am in a local Tesco in Derry. I have to pick up a few essentials to bring back to the hotel. Who do I happen to come upon during my visit? Ronan working as a security officer. I see him before he sees me. I go up to him, pretending to be just another customer. As he turns around and sees me, I see the change in his eyes and face as her realizes who I am. I can't help but blush a little and smile. He's surprised that I'm there. He gives me a hug and starts asking about what brings me here. I tell him my very important task to complete whilst I'm there and we exchange pleasantries. I can tell by the way he looks at me that he's still in love with me. I can tell by the sadness behind his eyes that he's sorry I'm not his. I feel my heart pounding in my chest and all those butterflies I had when we first met come fluttering back, but I try my best not to show it. I am not the young girl I was once when we first met. I am a professional with a decade of life experience since we last touched. I now wear glasses and own a washer and dryer. I'm not here for you, Ronan. I'm here for my very important reason as part of my meaningful life (without you). Though I did know you worked here, and I may have come to this store with the hopes of seeing you, I don't want you to know that. The smile on your face that seeing me has brought to you and the fact that you so clearly want to be with me, but know that I will not take you back is what I have been hoping for. My appetite is satiated. I go on with my important, professional, adult life and smirk quietly to myself.

That is where my fantasy used to end. Now I have added:
Then I introduce him to my fiance, who is American, dashing, and a professional with a graduate degree, who is not intimidated by the fact that Ronan is my ex, but rather amused. He knows it was long ago and during the days of my roaring twenties and finds it interesting that I dated an Irishman. He gives Ronan a hearty handshake and then excuses himself to go find something in the store while Ronan and I finish our conversation. After he walks away, Ronan asks when is the wedding, and I tell him the date. I can tell he is sad as he tells me he is happy for me. He knew I would eventually find the one. In his heart, he is wishing it is him. In this fantasy, in my heart, I'm glad that I no longer wish that.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

25 years

Twenty-five years ago, you and I became "we". My life and the direction it took changed forever that day. "Sabrina and Mike" was born.
You were the first person I fell in love with. You shaped my idea of what I wanted and expected in a man. You seemed invincible to me. In my eyes, you were perfection. I loved that you were so tall, and I felt inferior for being so short. I loved your perfect smile and never felt that mine measured up. Your ability to draw, your athleticism, two more things that I admired and wished I could be. I actually remember one time when we were playing whiffle ball with my brothers in the alley and I was pitching to you, I got two strikes against you. I was so proud!

From that day forward, I always dreamed and planned that the rest of my days would be spent with you. I remember telling you that I wouldn't mind living in a place like your office; small with wooden paneling. You told me not to wish for something like that, because then we might end up somewhere like that, that was not so nice. I truly didn't care where we lived, as long as we were together.

And then I was raped by my ex-boyfriend. Our relationship ended because of it. I was as upset about that as I was about the attack. I couldn't imagine living life without you.

I waded through life, scarred by the assault and the loss of you. I felt like I was missing pieces of my heart.

Serendipitously, we reconnected. I was overjoyed. I finally felt whole again. I truly felt like my whole life had come full circle to lead to this moment. The fairy tale ending was in reach. My fairy tale didn't involve a castle or riches. The only thing in my fairy tale was you.

Never even if my worst nightmares did I imagine that you would be gone from this Earth in just two and half years after our reconnection.

I will probably always wish that things could have been different during your time on this Earth. I used to have  nightmares that I was trying to urge you to go to the hospital in an effort to save your life. And after you were gone and I was helping your parents did I really learn so much more about you and where you got your personality, your positive traits and your negative ones, too. I felt like I understood you so much better. I only wish I had that understanding while you were still here.

Mike drew me this picture after a horrible fight. Funny how something so touching can come from something so unpleasant.



Mike, you still have all my love. And believe me, I won't you forget you, ever. I promise.



Sunday, August 16, 2015

On this day

On this day last year, I found out Jason died. I actually knew it before Facebook showed me. I've been thinking about him all day. Going through my facebook memories from past years on this day, in 2010, I posted about Jay. I didn't know then that he was already gone.

"This song reminds me of Belfast - that's when I first heard it, and my bf, Jay, told me the story behind it. We were at The Globe, I was having a rare cocktail and I was happy. Weird, considering the song..."


I remember the public display of affections we showed and how that was whole new world for me. To be in a relationship, to be respected, to be adored, not ashamed of. 

He was good to me. We had fun. I'm glad I knew him. I'm glad I loved him. 

~Don't Cry Because It's Over. Smile Because It Happened~

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Normal

Tomorrow may be the last day of what I now consider "normal". I am having a couple of procedures done on Wednesday, and I need to prep for it on Tuesday. Now that I think about it, I also have an unrelated specialist dr appointment about my ear and nose tomorrow after work. There we will discuss options for my hearing, including surgery.

But back to Wednesday. I hear the recovery time for this procedure is pretty quick. I'm hoping it's like that for me. More so what I'm worried about is what my Dr. might find. There will be biopsies taken, and I know the results for those won't be back for awhile, but my doc might see something while she's in there and that scares me.

But I'm also hopeful. I haven't been feeling well for quite awhile now, and I'm hoping that I get some answers. I'm hoping that there is an easily fixable issue that has been causing to feel horrible and gain weight and not absorb vitamins. Then once it is fixed, I will feel good, lose weight and absorb vitamins, hurrah!

Mom offered to come down this week, but I told her to stay home. She is not feeling well right now and she hates driving on the highway. It is over 150 miles from her house to my house. I appreciate the offer, but I fear I may more worried about her, than she of me! I told her only one of us has to worry about this, and I've got that covered! Also, I have a ride to and from the hospital, and Jay (American Jay) said he would stay with me until I was coherent at home.

In anticipation of this possible change in "normal", I've tried to make the most of this summer. I went to Michigan last weekend, Whihala Beach at Lake Michigan in Indiana, Hard Rock Cafe in New Buffalo, Michigan, spent time with Mom. I've had fun pool time with Jana and her baby, an awesome 4th of July weekend, great birthday evening doing wine and canvas, Colts mini camp, picnic at Fort Harrison, movies, tour de Indiana (Fort Wayne, Goshen, Nappanee, Shipshewana, Elkhart) and my high school reunion.

Now what I'm looking forward to is getting this over with. I have been dreading this for weeks and I know the preparation is going to suck with a capital S, so I'd rather have it behind me than in front of me. I'm nervous about anesthesia, which I consider to be way too close to death for my comfort. I haven't been under since I had my ear surgery when I was 7. On the plus, the Dr. will be doing all the work, and I won't know what is happening.

I have to also remember that I am fortunate I can have this procedure done. If I didn't have insurance, this wouldn't be an option. And as my Dr. explained, there could be some things that need to be treated before they develop into something much worse. I didn't just accept this procedure, I weighed the cost and benefit heavily and talked to both of my doctors at length. We all decided this was for the best and would hopefully make me feel better again.

So mostly, I'm thankful. For everything.

UPDATE: Everything went well except that I had to be intubated because I wasn't breathing well. All is good in the 'hood.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Horse dreams

My dreams last night and their interpretation:

If you see a dead horse in your dream, then it indicates that something in your life that initially offered you strength is now gone. This may refer to a relationship or situation. Consider the phrase "beating a dead horse" to indicate that you may have maximized the usefulness of a certain circumstance.

To dream that someone is shooting you with a gun suggests that you are experiencing some confrontation in your waking life. You feel victimized in a situation or that you are being targeted. To dream that you shoot a person with a gun denotes your aggressive feeling and hidden anger toward that particular person.

To dream that you attack someone represents pent-up frustration and anger. You feel that you have been wronged. Your dream serves as an easy and safe way to express your anger.
To dream that you are being attacked by someone indicates your character is being questioned. You feel the need to defend yourself. You are feeling stressed, vulnerable and helpless. You may also be facing difficult changes in your waking life. Dreaming of an attack provides a way for you to confront these situations that you may be avoiding in real life.

To see a king in your dream indicates that success and prestige are within reach. You will rise above your problems and adversities. The king is symbolic of power and control. Alternatively, the king symbolizes your father or some father figure. You are looking for support.


Friday, February 20, 2015

New Year

New year, new insurance, new doctor.
Today I met a new doctor. I have new insurance as of the first of the year, and that meant switching doctors, since my old doc doesn't take this new insurance (hardly anyone does). This new dr. is awesome. He spent so much time with me and answered all of my questions and made the necessary referrals.

My new semester is going okay. I thought it would be soooo much easier since I don't have to student teach, but there is a lot of work in my classes this semester and it is just piling up on me. As soon as I finish one thing, the next two or three are due. No one ever said getting a master's degree was easy. And I will appreciate graduation come May even more.

No new men this year. I've actually been chaste in 2015. It is a new year, indeed.

There is a winter storm warning in effect tonight, so I must be off to the grocery store to buy my bread and milk, because that's just what we do around these parts when it snows. Some habits remain in the new year.