Eating disorder

 I am in intensive outpatient treatment for an eating disorder. I used to be anorexic and after trauma, it morphed into binge eating disorder. One of the things that made it change was the belief that I was no longer safe in a smaller body. I changed my body shape to protect me from unwanted male attention. I also starting wearing my dad's shirts to hide my body. There's always been this mental block preventing me from having a smaller body because of my fear of being attacked. 

There's so much to unpack in all of this and although next week is my last week of intensive outpatient treatment (three hours a day, three days a week, then an hour with a dietitian and an hour with a therapist) it is only the beginning of my journey. I started this treatment back in July and I will continue with weekly dietitian and therapist meetings and hopefully have the addition of at least one support group. But thirty years of an eating disorder doesn't resolve in three months. 

I hope to share more of some of the things I've learned during this process soon. 

St. Petersburg, Florida

 In May 2023, I spent the day in St. Petersburg, Florida. Here's what I saw:

The Fountain of Youth

So this fountain is now just municipal tap water, but it is really an homage to a spring that used to be there that drew visitors from around the world. I still drank from it and rubbed it on me. Here's a post from roadsideamerica.com

Sunken Gardens

This is a real "old" Florida attraction with the sign to show for it and all. It is full of birds and plants that are labeled for your education. The main attraction is the flamingos. They were my favorite. Much to my chagrin, you can't feed them, but you do get pretty close to them! You also find yourself below street level as you walk through the gardens. It is right in the middle of a busy area, but you don't sense it when you are there. Weddings are held there because it is so beautiful. Admission was $15. Here's a post about it on roadsideamerica.com

Mazzaro's

This is an Italian market. They have a room full of wine, lots of sausage and cheese and I even saw duck bacon. They are crazy busy on Saturdays, so if you can, go during the week, though they are only open until 5 pm. The prices are typical for imported goods. It was an interesting place to visit for the photo ops alone! Here's a post from roadsideamerica.com

The Pier

This is a new addition to St. Petersburg, opening up in 2020. After walking all the way down it and realizing I'd have to walk all the way back to get to our parking spot, I was pleasantly surprised to learn they have a tram that will ride you up and down the pier. There were booths with various goods for sale and one person playing the guitar. I was with my friend, Jenn, who just happens to be Mike's ex wife, and the guitarist starting playing the song that came on the radio when I was picking out Mike's clothes for his funeral and we both got chills. Free to walk on. We bought a pizza at one of the restaurants on the pier and it was about $11. A lemonade or pop was about $4. The photo is the beach at the end of the pier. 

Traditions School of Herbal Studies

There was an event at this business and they were hosting a drum circle. If you are into herbs and natural remedies, this is a good place for you. 

Ode to exes

 So I got a fancy new car that I can hook my phone up to and play Spotify. And Spotify is funny because I'll start it off with a song and then let it go off on its own and play whatever. Sometimes these absolute gems come out of it. Sometimes they bring back a memory you forgot you had. And sometimes they remind you of people you try hard to forget.

Well, I decided I don't want to forget anyone of my exes because I've come through it all and finally found my life partner. I decided I'll post one song that really brings me back to that time we were together. 

Jonathan

Ronan

Jason

Mike

Duncan