Teens

This weekend was the 19th anniversary of my becoming a vegetarian. As I mentioned before, I have now been a vegetarian longer than I was a meat eater. The short story of why I became a vegetarian is this:

I couldn't disassociate the animal from the food. I wasn't fifteen, despite my posting the Taylor Swift song, but not far off - sixteen.

As I watched the Taylor Swift video, she talks about being fifteen when starting high school. I was fourteen then. And it occurred to me that there were a lot of things I did earlier than most. Not just because of where my birthday landed, but because I was just an old soul, I think. I grew up very fast. I was helping my mom with my brothers before I was even in kindergarten. So I try and give myself slack about my life now, thinking that I was an early bloomer in childhood and adolescence, so maybe I'm a late bloomer in adulthood. Marriage, children and career will come my way one day. I hope.

I also just uploaded some images to my elementary school facebook group from what would have been my 8th grade yearbook. I had already moved by then and no longer attended that school, but I got the yearbook from the school this summer, along with all the years I attended. As I looked at the teased hair and old computers, I thought about how my life would have been different had we stayed in Chicago. My mom always talked about how I would have had to take two CTA buses to high school instead of the short walk I had here, but I never really thought about what else might be different. I guess if it crossed my mind, I always thought about crime and somehow getting involved in the crime in Chicago. Interestingly, it was in the suburbs that I was raped. Since it was someone I knew, that could have happened anywhere. It can happen anywhere, regardless, really.

Aside from the rape, though, I think of Mike. I think of meeting him the summer before eighth grade. I was thinking how at the time my former classmates were smiling in those yearbook photos, I was neck deep in a romantic relationship way beyond my years. Though they seemed "older" to me because they were 'graduating' (it was a K-8 school), and I was merely in the 'middle' of a 6-12 school, my life belied my grade. Or maybe reflected it since the person I was dating did attend the same school, though that's not where we met. However, it did seem to make it more acceptable, despite the age difference. The next year when I was a freshman, he was a senior. I guess that's part of the reason this Taylor Swift song appealed to me (she mentions senior guys).

So, my freshman year was the only year we were actually like classmates. Before that, I was on the other side of the building, and my class times were all different, so I never saw him during school hours, though I did leave him notes in his locker. So freshman year, we saw each other between classes, he kept some stuff in my locker (which is like the high school equivalent of moving in, lol) and even kissed before class. My grades that year were horrible. Like failing. Clearly I had a bad, bad case of love brain. Nothing else seemed important to my freshman self. He graduated and the next year I started without him there. My grades did a complete 180. My counselor even wrote me a note to compliment me on the turnaround and encourage me to keep it up (our school counselors never did things like that). I was on cheerleading, performance choir and the school musical. After school, I had cheerleading practice and then went straight to rehearsal. I didn't get home until after 9:00 pm. Most nights he was at my house waiting for me. I still had to do my chores and homework. I still managed to do it all. Then he started complaining about my appearance, since I was in my cheerleading practice clothes and my hair and make-up for the day was long destroyed. I was indignant and knew he was wrong, which is why this Hinder video reminds me of that.

Still, somehow that year was our best year. Or maybe it was just the most emotional. For Christmas he bought me the diamond and sapphire ring that I still have. It was the pinnacle of my romantic life. Within a year, two weeks after turning sixteen, I was attacked. Our relationship was soon over. I was not the strong person depicted in the Hinder video. I was a complete mess. My grades or school activities didn't show it, but my heart and head definitely did. Like the video, though, I ended up with a completely new set of friends who were much more positive influences.

Amazing the things you go through in your teens. And the emotions you feel. The sensitivity. Sometimes you look back and think of how good it was, but don't remember the distress in your head.

I even wonder about how things might have been had my parents chose a different house. My mom will often point to a house down the street and say they almost bought that one. Or that they should've bought that one. Even though it's a block away, for a kid, that can mean a whole different set of friends. I met Mike because of our mutual friends who lived on the same block. My friend lived behind the alley from me. She knew his friend, who lived on the same street. She then met Mike, who also lived on the same street. Had I been on a different block, there would have been a different alley, a different house behind it and a different friend who lived there. How would my life have been different? I don't know. It's one of those things you wish you could see, but without changing anything. Just like watch it on a movie screen.

Which brings me back to the movie, Sliding Doors. I finally watched it. It is interesting. Without giving out too much of a spoiler, while watching it, you think that one life is better, but then you see that it's clearly not. The outcome is far worse.

So, I don't wish things were different. Not about my past. I can't. Remember, the past doesn't exist anymore. But mostly because I am still here! I still have the opportunity to make choices and live my life. There's no guarantee that any of the alternative realities would have allowed that to happen. I need to be thankful for that. Who knows, maybe this is the one I would have enthusiastically chosen if given the choice of all the different options. I can choose my next step, now. I guess I should choose wisely.

Short Attention Span Theatre

One of my fb friends posted something tonight that reminded me of this 'classic' video from 2007. (NSFW/Children/Homophobes)

Recently, I showed this video to my brother, who amazingly hadn't yet seen it. He was super annoyed by it and couldn't believe how long it was (that's what she said). It's about three and a half minutes long. He said it shouldn't be longer than thirty seconds. Now that I think about it, I don't think this video would have gotten as many hits had it come out now versus 2007. I mean, it's still getting tons of hits, but now the internet has much shorter attention spans. I was watching a funny cat/dog video today that was 30 seconds long and I fast forwarded to the end when I watched it again. Twitter limits posts to 140 characters. Not words - characters. I don't even know if that includes hash tags or links. If so, then that really limits the actual message. Anything longer on any type of social media, internet, etc. get a TLDR (too long; didn't read)

I actually had that reaction from some people back in 2009 with the lamebook post, "Jason's Monster Fail". The image itself is long for some attention spans, but when the comments (now removed, since the post was removed from lamebook) reached in the hundreds, and became part of the drama, even Ronan said he got bored reading it. Others wrote they had spent hours reading it! When one my former high school classmates saw it and I asked him what he thought, he said, "There's too many words." (More about the lamebook fiasco). And here.

And it wasn't just me trying to show them something, "funny". It was about MY LIFE! On display in a viral way. But it was TL;DR. (Mind you, Ronan found it on his own and emailed me about it. He thought it was about Belfast Jason (his 'nemesis') but still got bored!)

But there was show on Comedy Central called, Short Attention Span Theater, that I loved! It showed comedy clips instead of a comedian's whole set, or instead of whole episode of something. That was long before youtube or twitter! I guess I had the Short Attention Span before it was cool? And now that I'm old, I'm shaking my old lady stick at it. Maybe.

Bureaucracy

Fuming mad/sad right now. Just got a notice my health insurance will discontinue because I didn't verify income. I faxed my tax return (which I did a month early for this) before the deadline, printed a confirmation and called to confirm it was received. I just called to find out what the deal was and apparently they didn't just need the 1040, the needed all the worksheets and schedules to go with it. Instead of asking me for it, they discontinued my benefits. I am appealing, but I don't know if it will do any good. Still haven't heard anything about either job I interviewed for and getting VERY discouraged. As long as I had my health insurance, I was okay, but now...Now I am scared.

Spring is coming, just not here yet

Today is the first day of Spring. It is actually quite cold outside. Spring will arrive soon, though. It always does.

These birds are rule breakers

There has been a lot going on that I haven't had the time nor inclination to post about. The two biggest things are that I had a job interview in Indianapolis, and my mom's aunt passed away.

The job interview was about two and a half hours away, but for a position where I currently live. I stayed with my friend, Jana, who I've known since 6th grade and who was my roommate in college. It was St. Patrick's day weekend, so we went to visit the dyed green canal in Indy. She has a six month old baby, so our celebrations were tamer than perhaps they could have been, but it was fun nonetheless. We also went to a restaurant called, "Cheeseburgers in Paradise", and they had veggie burgers, which was awesome. What was even more awesome was the drink they serve by the same name as the restaurant. It's a multi-layered drink with daiquiri, pina colada and not even sure what else in it, but it was delicious. To add to the drunken debauchery, another night, I made mimosas for everyone at the house. We played Apples to Apples, ate pizza and cheesy poofs and drank mimosas from shamrock shaped straws - like a boss. 

Orange slice boat and gummy cheeseburger

The interview went well (it was before all the fun stuff, I couldn't relax before that). It lasted four hours and included teaching a sample lesson twice. The second time using feedback from the interviewer. I was so nervous the day before getting ready for my trip, I was literally shaking. It made me realize how much I have changed. I was less nervous in Edinburgh, Scotland moving to Manchester, England with £5 in my pocket. Here I was breaking down over a 2 1/2 hour drive in a rental car, no less? I sucked it up and once I got down there, I started to feel like my old self again. It was nice. 

While there, I learned that my mom's aunt passed away. I did not know her, as she lived in Texas, and her and my mom didn't talk very much after my Grandma died. However, it is still sad that my Grandma's sister is no longer here. It's another piece of her gone, I feel like. I'm also sad that she and her other sisters, who live in Chicago, weren't able to reunite before her death. I had offered before to drive the Chicago sisters down to Alabama and have her meet us there. My cousin wasn't interested, though, and I really didn't have the money to do it on my own, so it didn't happen. (My great aunts would not get on planes). It also reminded me that I really need to keep in touch better with my Chicago aunts. I see them about once a year. I am actually going to see them next week, which will also be their birthday. I want to plan something nice and maybe get more of the family together for it. We shall see. 

Since my great aunt passed away, I've connected on facebook with some cousins I've never known and another cousin I haven't talked to in over twenty years.

The 22nd will mark ten years since my Grandmother (on the other side of the family) passed away. The family hasn't been the same since she passed away. My dad has not been back to Alabama to visit any family since then, either. (My mom and I have gone a couple of times, since she also has family there). At night when I say my prayers and ask that God bless and watch over each member of the family, I often still catch myself thinking of asking for her, even though she's been gone this long. I guess now she can help watch over us. I just looked at the date of birth on her memorial and it made me smile to remember that is now little Emma's birthday. Named after her and born on her birthday, 84 years later.

Two years after she died, she got another great-grandchild from my oldest cousin. Six years after she died, she got another; her namesake. Life goes on. New generations are born. It may not be right then, but it will happen. It always does.

Easter basket packing party

Today was the Easter basket packing party for the volunteer group I work with. We packed nearly 100 Easter baskets for children in hospital and foster care in our area. I had purchased most of the supplies (like baskets, Easter grass, toys, etc.) last year after Easter when things went down to 90% off. I also got a couple of boxes of plastic Easter eggs and miscellaneous other items donated from a store when they pulled it off the sales floor. I need to remember to write them a thank you letter. I want to include a photo of the group as well. We still have tons of plastic eggs left and some grass, but we barely had enough baskets to go around. And despite my worry that we would be low on cellophane (to wrap the baskets), we had some left over. I was only able to get about 12 baskets worth last year on clearance. Luckily, others brought some and I ordered a 100 foot roll of it, too. At the event, though, I was pretty low key. I didn't do a whole lot of actually packing, just a few baskets and a little wrapping. I'm more the shopping guru. Oh, and worked a little bit with the kids who came to help. We made some of the Christmas cards for Operation Christmas Child (a project later in the year).

When I came home, I finished my taxes. Yay! I think this is the earliest I have ever had my taxes done. I had to fax them for my insurance today, so I had to get them done. Now to work on my lesson plan for the interview on Thursday.

But first, doctor appointment in the morning for a check up. Had the blood drawn on Friday. Which, by the way, sometimes when I tell a phlebotomist to take blood from my hand instead of my arm, they take it as a challenge to find the vein in my arm. Such was the case on Friday, but thankfully, after one attempt, she gave up. I was seriously about to pass out when she put it in the arm because it just goes nowhere and I remember all the times people looked for veins in vain (see what I did there) and the pain of it all. I think she saw that, too, because she asked if I was okay. I will be okay when you put the needle in my hand, please, kthx.

Back to happy thoughts. It was a good day today. Lots of people coming together to help others. Good times. Now here is a picture I took when I got home of me with my own Easter bunny. Happy Easter! (Probably the earliest I've ever said that, too). Note: I bought the bunny for Emma a couple of years ago, but she didn't like it so much, so I adopted it. 

Nine Inches

So, it snowed today. The meteorologists gave us a lot of advance notice for this snow. Schools were called off before a drop even fell. I thought it would be so funny if the reports were wrong and there would be no snow and the snow day was for naught. I just thought it would be interesting, but more importantly, I didn't want the snow.

In preparation for the snow I, like everyone else, went to the grocery store.

It wasn't too packed here. However, when I lived in Lafayette, Indiana, it was always packed before a snow storm. Always. The bread shelves would be nearly empty. Every single time. When I tried to figure out why, all I could come up with is that maybe the people at the store lived in more rural areas (though my stores were not in rural areas) so they would have a hard time getting out (lack of snow plows). The other factor that I noticed was that snow removal by the city was horrible down there. I could not understand how a city of that size could suck so badly at clearing the streets of snow. When I lamented this to my former co-worker, she said, "I guess it's just because we're better at driving in the snow." Really? You think your government says, "Well, our citizens know how to drive in this stuff, we don't really need to hurry up and plow it."

I was up at 6 this morning, with my car already parked on the side street from the night before, and still not a drop. I was beginning to think that maybe my prediction was right; the snow would miss us. I had an appointment in the afternoon, so I was hoping I wouldn't have to dig out to get there. I fell asleep and got a call around 9:30. It was the person I was meeting, who needed to reschedule due to a schedule conflict. No problemo. She mentioned the snow was just now starting. I looked out the window and saw the accumulation beginning. Now I was even happier she had to reschedule. I wrote down the new details in my planner, looked out the window again and smiled as I got back under my covers.

When all was said and done we got about nine inches. Not the foot of snow that was predicted, but still a significant amount. I missed all the fun by staying in bed under my covers. ;-) I imagine that by now the roads are all cleared and salted and I hope that by the time I do have to venture out of the house it is all good in the 'hood.

My Life & Sex & the City

I know I've posted before about how I can see things more objectively when seen on TV or in the movies. I can also find relatable scenarios to my own life. In the scene (starting at 4:15) Carrie faints from too much romance.

On my first date with Ronan in Belfast, we went into the center where I worked on Black Mountain and sat and looked out at Belfast from the large window. The night lights, the breathtaking view, the feeling I had for this man that I hadn't felt since I was a teenager. I had to lie down. I got really dizzy from the emotion of it all. It was amazing.

And then this happened. 

In Sex & the City and in my life with Ronan. (Okay, so I know it's a different man and time frame from the first clip, but you get the idea).

Saturday Night Fever

Went to the casino tonight. It was PACKED! They had a free gift giveaway (a stick vacuum-got mine), the $150,000 giveaway, the Chicago Poker Tournament. And it was Saturday night right after the first of the month.

I don't really know if the first of the month had anything to do with it, since I hear now people get checks at different times of the month. Regardless, the casino was super packed.

I played Baccarat with my $15 free bet and lost. Then I played the Big Wheel and pretty much lost there, too. Moved on to Roulette and won, woohoo! Then lost, boo! All in all, though, I only lost $14, so not too shabby ;-) I thought about playing black jack, and watched it for awhile, but I didn't have the cajones just yet.

It's becoming more apparent that I am going to have to do my taxes now instead of April 14th, as I usually do. I need the information for my FAFSA (for student aid) and for my insurance application. I am just hoping that I don't owe anything. I have so many charitable donation receipts this year, but I don't know if it will make a difference. Standard deduction will probably be the way to go yet again this year. It will make me feel like a fool keeping all my receipts throughout the year, then! Maybe I'll start them tomorrow. Tonight I'm tired from my Saturday night fever. ;-)