Okay, it is high time I said 'hasta la vista' to the Northern Irish boys. That's it. I'm just so done with all the unnecessary drama and the pain it inflicts on me. I've been dealing with this like a masochist just allowing myself to be hurt over and over again. So that's it. Done; finito. The numbers are deleted from my phone and even though they've texted and phoned me, I've not responded. DONE DONE DONE. You both have girlfriends, so leave me alone. Take all of me, or have none of me. I'm sick of giving only the bits you need at that given time. I deserve better, I deserve normalcy. I deserve goodness and I deserve kindness. I never made any high demands of you. I never judged you based on money, looks, idiosyncracies, ex-girlfriends or personal hang-ups. All I wanted is for you to be with me.

Jason, I opened myself up to you when I was scared to open myself up to anyone. You changed your mind, and I accepted it and moved on.

Ronan, I was honest to you about what happened with Jason and up front about my 'baggage'. I fell in love with you hard and fast and was more devastated than you know when we broke up after spending the night together with your baby. Then both of you kept changing your minds and leading me in different directions before changing your mind back again.

I never stopped loving either one of you and that is why I can not do this anymore. I can't be your friend. I can't be your acquaintance. I care too much and I fall too easily.

Ronan, when you said that you were still in love with me and wanted me back, despite my deep cynicsm of your mind not changing, I fell, which is why when you rejected me only two days later, it hurt. As I hung up the phone, I shed one tear and I promised myself that would be the last one ever shed because of you.

Jason, when I found out about you and Donna today, I felt like I had been punched in the stomach and stabbed in the chest. I can't deal with that feeling everytime we speak or even one more time at all. To continue to put myself through this would be sheer stupidity and self loathing.

So, goodbye, Northern Irish boys. I think we've had some good times together, and I hope you have fond memories as well. I would even go so far to say that perhaps we learned from each other, and hopefully, you, as well as I, will take something very positive away from our relationship. I was in such a different place (emotionally) when I first arrived in Northern Ireland and you both have brought me to where I am now. You showed me about love when I was dead set against it, you taught me what it was again, and now that I know the joy of love and being loved is precisely why I won't accept less.

Goodbye and all the best.

Love,
Sabrina :-)