Eating disorder

 I am in intensive outpatient treatment for an eating disorder. I used to be anorexic and after trauma, it morphed into binge eating disorder. One of the things that made it change was the belief that I was no longer safe in a smaller body. I changed my body shape to protect me from unwanted male attention. I also starting wearing my dad's shirts to hide my body. There's always been this mental block preventing me from having a smaller body because of my fear of being attacked. 

There's so much to unpack in all of this and although next week is my last week of intensive outpatient treatment (three hours a day, three days a week, then an hour with a dietitian and an hour with a therapist) it is only the beginning of my journey. I started this treatment back in July and I will continue with weekly dietitian and therapist meetings and hopefully have the addition of at least one support group. But thirty years of an eating disorder doesn't resolve in three months. 

I hope to share more of some of the things I've learned during this process soon.