Another Quarter Life Crisis

Hope everyone was able to get some time off this
holiday weekend. I am sick (just mucous everywhere) and I've found
myself pondering (again) whether my life (specifically my job) is
going in the right direction. As you know, I am running a day care.
The owner lives on a farm in Oklahoma. I worked with her my first
week and then ran the place by myself. This week is the first time
she has been back to the daycare since I started the position. It
started off with an all staff meeting Friday night which was supposed to put all the staff (sauf moi) in line b/c we had been considering firing everyone (long story). The first half of the meeting, I led and it was a business meeting and issues were brought up according to the agenda, discussed and resolved. Her half of the meeting was everyone spilling out all their feelings, no matter what they were, so that we could start anew. Well, this turned into the "I just got a free ticket to tell my boss where to go" part of the meeting - the boss being myself. I think it is only natural for most people to have some sort of resentment towards their boss at one time or another, especially in low level jobs, where it is not understood what exactly the boss does ("well, she's not down here changing diapers, she must
be chatting to her boyfriend on the phone") and also when I have taken on a new position. The problem, though, is when the owner(my boss) indulges these urges and gives them greater creedence than I really think they merit. Now, don't get me wrong, I know I've made mistakes - but the content of this meeting and the other times they've bitched about me to the owner have to do more with things like I didn't smile and say hello or I solved a problem over the phone instead of coming in on my day off.

Anyhow, I had the long weekend to get over that and come in today to find her sitting in "my" chair in the office and essentially just running around like a chicken with its head cut off, like she always did before, leaving tornadoes of confusion and disorganization behind her. However, when we were looking at a baby girls infected genitalia trying to figure out what it was and what we should do about it I realized I had no idea what the hell I was doing. And looking at her trying to solve this, I regained the perspective that this is her dream - she had wanted to have her own day care for 14 years. She left b/c she ran herself ragged and couldn't take it anymore. Also, her husband had some health problems. But I am a mere administrator.
This is not my dream. My dream is to leave something behind that is bigger than myself and my existence - she has already done that.

Well, that's pretty much what I had to say. What is up with all these existential quarter life crises? Geez louise! I thought I had it down this time for sure. Ah well, I suppose we shall see.

I must have been in a cave over the past few weeks b/c I just heard about this performance today. Earlier this month, an artist named "Bright Eyes" sang a song called "When the President talks to God" on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Here is a link to one of the many sites talking about it and offering the video. I came across it at msn.video.com.

Wowee. I wonder what the real deal is - if Leno and his gang knew he was going to sing that or if he did switch it. Jay Leno was definitely tripping over his words after that performance.

I am writing this letter b/c I am sick and can't talk :-( I know, pity isn't it? Mmmhmm. Otherwise, I'd be on the phone! It's so funny, though, b/c despite the fact my mom has seen me go through each phase of this sickness and knew my throat was getting worse and worse, when I didn't talk today, she was perturbed. I pointed to my throat, but then she kept asking me questions and when I replied with a gesture (like shaking the head, shrugging shoulders) she didn't seem to believe that I really couldn't talk. That's how it was last time I lost my voice a few months ago. People think you just PREFER to not talk, not that it will send you into a coughing fit that come from the bowels of your soul. Oh well.
Today is Memorial Day here. It used to be called Decoration Day b/c the tradition was to go to the graves of soldiers and place flowers there. It is a weird contrast, though, b/c everyone so looks forward to Memorial Day b/c of the day off work, the barbecues and the unofficial begin to summer. Not exactly what the originators had in mind, I suppose.
Well, I guess I'll be off for now. My stomach is growling and I am dreading having to eat knowing what it will do to my throat. Icky icky.
Hope all is well

Wow, my last post was in January and here it is almost June! Well, I am still working at the child care facility. I oversee a staff of ten teachers and we have over fifty children enrolled. I make less than half of the pay I made working in an office in the city, but truthfully, it has been more than twice as rewarding.

Tomorrow I have two meetings - one with a health and safety specialist who will be reviewing our facility and another with an architect who will be reviewing other aspects of the facility. We are applying for a higher grade license, so we have to bring in the experts. Friday we have an all staff meeting and the owner is coming in from Oklahoma for the first time since I started the position. Sparks are going to fly, that is for sure and heads are gonna roll!

Before the staff meeting, though, I have a meeting with an insurance agent about possibily getting health insurance for the staff. Hmm... now that I think about it, maybe I should wait for this insurance meeting b/c something tells me I'm not going to have the same employees going into next week...

In the meantime, though, I have been enjoying my day off by hanging out with Licaroo, and I have been looking at pet adoption sites and wanted to share this one:
http://www.1-800-save-a-pet.com

Maybe you'll find the true love of your life there ;-)