It’s snowing outside…again. I don’t think I was built for these Chicago winters. I think I need to go back to my native (by ancestry) Ireland where snow is more like a major event and less like a daily occurrence. Even Licorice didn’t want to go outside!

I have just accepted a position as Director of a local day care center. I will be starting next week. I am excited but nervous. I am taking the next few days to get my personal affairs in order before I start this full time job with a load of responsibility. I may even go to Northern Ireland for a visit. We shall see.

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by things, though. I think, though, it's more the idea of things rather than the actual things themselves. Anticipation is always the worst. When I actually think of my job responsibilities, they are nothing that I haven't done before. I mean, I ran a store when I was 19, I can do this now, right? I really know that I can, or else I wouldn't have accepted the position, I just think it's the commitment I'm afraid of. I won't be able to sleep in when I want or fly off to places or have bad days in general. Well, I guess I can have bad days, but not often and I can't let it affect my work. I can no longer just hide underneath the covers when the world seems too overwhelming.

Tomorrow is my first day at a new job and I am nervous. Given my state of nausea at the moment, I would say pretty nervous. I haven't had stand up all day job in ages. Well, I guess I stood up when I worked with kids, but that was constant movement and there was some sitting down, too. Anyhow, tomorrow is only five hours, so hopefully I will be able to break myself in.

Okay, well I think my body is less upset about the new job and more upset about the mountain of McDonald's fries I ate tonight. Dang, I knew I shouldn't have eaten all of those. McDonald's has now gone from being my party friend to being my avoided enemy.

Also, the last time I worked in retail, I inadvertently lost weight, which is something I wouldn't mind doing at this point.

I have spent a large portion of tonight watching MTV and VH1. It was a whole lot of reality tv. I was watching Real World and Real World/Road Rules Challenge on MTV and the Surreal Life, Strange Love and the start of Celebrity Fit Club on VH1. I think this Surreal Life is going to be hilarious! I mean it has Peter Brady and Mini Me!

Well, it is getting late now, so I best pick out my clothes for my first day (just like a schoolgirl!) and get a good night's rest. I did my laundry like a good girl and even folded it and hung it up. Yay me! :-)

I’ve decided to just pick up the site where I left off. Revamping it is too much of a project for me right now, and I’d rather have something than nothing. As a wise woman once told me, “When you live your life ‘all or nothing’, you usually end up with a whole lot of nothing”: Words to live by.

At the moment I am still here in America. I am reacquainting myself with neighbors and other people from my past. I had been moving around partially to avoid these people because they reminded me of parts of my past about which I’d rather not think. My adventure now is to confront my ghosts from which I’ve been running and deal with them head on. If I can go across the world to help others, I can stay right here at home to help myself: At least for awhile.

It has snowed the past two days and my Mom and brother have used the snowblower to clear walkways not only for our house, but also for both of our next door neighbors. The snowblower is a wonderful invention. Oh, me, did I go out there? Heavens no! I go out to walk to the car, to take Licorice out for a pee and to walk across the alley to my neighbor’s house. I’m not what one would call “a fan” of snow. I don’t deal with it well at all. You would think being from here I would have developed a thicker skin for this sort of thing, but nope. I think my Irish roots are too ingrained in me – or I’m just a wuss.

I have absolutely had it with men. Sandy (my across the alley neighbor) and I are going to get sweatpants with the words “Guys, kiss my ass” printed on the butt with a graphic of lips on the side, as if to say, “yeah, right HERE!” Earlier in the week, Bryan’s ex called me from the Dominican Republic and essentially busted him out because he wasn’t being exactly straightforward with either one of us. He got defensive, yelled at me and I haven’t spoken to him since. The SAME DAY Ronan called me from Northern Ireland to chat. He wants to get back together, but I have been reticent to accept his plea. After he changed his mind the first half dozen times, a girl tends to get a bit skeptical. He said that it’s been four months, hasn’t he proven himself yet? No, I said, because the second I say yes to you, I fear I will get a call or email from you the next day saying to forget about it. He had bad news, though, telling me that his application to Work in Canada was denied. If he wants to really be together, I don’t know how it could work with us a world away.

Then there’s Mike. Mike is my old high school boyfriend who I was oh so in love with and thought I was going to marry. I had not spoken to him in ten years and we recently got back in touch. Mike and I fight like cats and dogs. I don’t know what the hell it is, but he can push my buttons like I’m a microwave oven and he’s aluminum foil, and in less than a minute I EXPLODE. Yesterday, as he was bitching and moaning about life, I asked if he wanted to hang out today. He said it would be nice to chill and forget about things for awhile. Accordingly, I phoned today and invited him over to cook with my Mom and me and he says, “what?” I recall the previous day’s conversation and he says, “I don’t remember saying that, and if I did, I didn’t mean it.” I told him to fuck off and go back to his miserable little life and that was that.

So when Sandy hears all this mess, she suggests hooking me up with someone. I give her the evil eye and tell her that right now, guys can kiss my ass! Hence, the sweatpants idea (which was Sandy’s, I just added the lips.) So girls, if you’ve had it with the b.s. guys are slinging our way, contact me to order your very own pair of ‘kiss my ass’ sweatpants! I’m sure they’re great to wear when plowing snow. ;-)