Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Living Large
Ah yes, the high life. In a different city each day staying in nice hotels, carrying a laptop. Yep, I am officially an adult, or something like that. Really, though I am so tired and had far more fun staying at my friend's house last week then in this "posh" hotel and the king size bed in here only makes me feel lonely. "How many card keys will you require?" Umm, yes, that would be one. Yes, I am alone, yes there is no chance someone will need to slip into my room later, yes I feel like a loser.
Birthday Blues
I always get depressed around my birthday, I think. The night before, I usually do a sort of "inventory" of the past year and assess what has happened and what I would like for the next year. None of this is ever material assets, I should note. Well, before I could even get into my self reflective mode, I was faced with the realization that Jason has been lying to me for a very long time. I posted the email I received in the entry below. He admitted it to me and said he was sorry to lose me as a friend due to his own stupidity. (There are misplaced modifiers all over that last sentence, but hopefully you get the picture.
Well, not only did I read her words, but I saw photos as well. Photos of him with her; photos of him with her daughter. Photos of him in her house, in America, where he said he had never been. Photos with the woman he slept with, though he told me he hadn't slept with anyone. Photos with the family he swore he wanted, while he told me he could never settle down. Photos of a man who looked very much like a man I used to know, but realize now I never did.
Well, not only did I read her words, but I saw photos as well. Photos of him with her; photos of him with her daughter. Photos of him in her house, in America, where he said he had never been. Photos with the woman he slept with, though he told me he hadn't slept with anyone. Photos with the family he swore he wanted, while he told me he could never settle down. Photos of a man who looked very much like a man I used to know, but realize now I never did.
Monday, July 11, 2005
Another Betrayal
> Hey Sabrina
> You don't know me so i really don't expect you to believe me. But first of
> all i found out about you through a mutual "friend" and it is about that
> "friend" that i am writing to you about. That person is Jason Tracey, i am
> sure that when you next talk to him that he will probably tell you that i am
> jsut jealous cause he is not with me any more but that is not it, i jsut
> think that something needs to be done about him and i know i read about
> what he had done to you in you blog, the same thing and i am really sorry
> that you was treated that way. I guess that is something that we have in
> common. I met him as a pen pal and fell in love with him. He claimed that he
> felt the same way for me as well. He even came here (Utah) to visit me in
> January 2005. I then found out through a friend that lived there in Belfast
> that he was dating a woman named Angela. When i confronted him with it he
> denied it saying that they were only going to school together and had gone
> out for a drink to celebrate passing a test. It sounded reasonable enough
> since i knew that he had to take a exam the day that my friend saw them
> together so like a idiot i let it got. Then when he was here visiting again
> in May i found out through my monitoring program to keep track of what my
> daughter was doing on the PC i found out that he was still also with his
> "ex" girlfriend Donna. Once again i confronted him about being unfaithful (
> because we had been talkign about him moving here when he finished school
> and us getting married, kids and the whole 9 yards, i kept asking him if
> that was really what he wanted and he kept saying he knew it was with out a
> doubt that i was his soul mate and the only one that he wanted) and about
> lying to me about not being with any one else. He told me that she had
> tryied to OD when he dumped her a year and a half ago so he felt guilty and
> was just being her friend but she thought that they were more then friends.
> I told him that if that was really true then he was leading her on with it
> by calliing her "honey", "pet" and telling her that he missed her so much
> much and loved her. He told me that he would straighten it out when he got
> back home but never did. In the end i had to end up emailing her myself
> because he just kept telling me that he couldnt' get in touch with her, that
> she wouldn't answer his calls or emails while he was actually talking to
> her. We broke over that in the early part of June then around the end of
> June, during that time i lost his baby that i had gotten pregnant with in
> May. Thankfully i wasn't that far along not even quite a month but when i
> told him he acted or said that it hurt him terribly because he had wanted it
> and would have loved it so much. Then in the begining of July we decided to
> try to work things out and go on from there. Well while we were talking
> online to try to work things out i checked my email and i had this one from
> some friend of Angelas saying that she had sent him that email and thought
> that i should know what he ws being told and what he was up to. It was
> chewing him out over what he had done to Angela and some of the stuff in
> there was something only some one who had either slept with him or had been
> told by some one who had slept with him would know. The email itself is
> pretty disgusting or i would have just sent it to you. So there he was
> telling me that he hadn't slept with any one else since we had been together
> (10 months), didn't want to sleep with any one else, still wanted to marry
> me and all that. I told him that if he really wanted to work things out he
> would be honest with me and tell me exactly what happened and he kept
> telling me that he was being honest with me. Finally i told him that i KNEW
> he had slept with Angela and i am sure he slept with Donna too and if he
> would just admit it then we could have it in the open between us, work it
> out then put it in the past and move on from there. But he kept denying it
> so i told him about the email that i had got and the he had gotten the same
> one too. He asked me what email and i told him that i was sure that he
> already read it and i had gotten the same one, then told him a bit about it.
> Instead he just told me that i would never believe him and went ofline. I
> know that i sound like some jealous woman that can't get over being dumped
> for some one else but that is not why i am telling you this. I am telling
> you this because i think that us women need to stick together against these
> lying sack of shit men that just play with womens hearts and emotions like
> Jason does. Deep down i think that he is a good and loving man. But he lies,
> can't be honest at all and don't even know the meaning of the word faithful.
> I would just hate to see some one else get hurt by him like he hurt us. I
> think that maybe there has got to be some way to get him to really realize
> what he is doing is wrong, not just say that he knows it is wrong but to
> really realize it and stop. I think that some day he is really going to fall
> in love himself for real and the woman he falls for is going to do the same
> thing to him. Although i am still very hurt over what he did and yes very
> upset as well i will admit, i am still deeply in love with him and always
> will be so i dont' want him to go through this kind of pain. If you would
> like some proof that i do in fact know him and that i will be more then
> happy to send you some photos of us together.
> You don't know me so i really don't expect you to believe me. But first of
> all i found out about you through a mutual "friend" and it is about that
> "friend" that i am writing to you about. That person is Jason Tracey, i am
> sure that when you next talk to him that he will probably tell you that i am
> jsut jealous cause he is not with me any more but that is not it, i jsut
> think that something needs to be done about him and i know i read about
> what he had done to you in you blog, the same thing and i am really sorry
> that you was treated that way. I guess that is something that we have in
> common. I met him as a pen pal and fell in love with him. He claimed that he
> felt the same way for me as well. He even came here (Utah) to visit me in
> January 2005. I then found out through a friend that lived there in Belfast
> that he was dating a woman named Angela. When i confronted him with it he
> denied it saying that they were only going to school together and had gone
> out for a drink to celebrate passing a test. It sounded reasonable enough
> since i knew that he had to take a exam the day that my friend saw them
> together so like a idiot i let it got. Then when he was here visiting again
> in May i found out through my monitoring program to keep track of what my
> daughter was doing on the PC i found out that he was still also with his
> "ex" girlfriend Donna. Once again i confronted him about being unfaithful (
> because we had been talkign about him moving here when he finished school
> and us getting married, kids and the whole 9 yards, i kept asking him if
> that was really what he wanted and he kept saying he knew it was with out a
> doubt that i was his soul mate and the only one that he wanted) and about
> lying to me about not being with any one else. He told me that she had
> tryied to OD when he dumped her a year and a half ago so he felt guilty and
> was just being her friend but she thought that they were more then friends.
> I told him that if that was really true then he was leading her on with it
> by calliing her "honey", "pet" and telling her that he missed her so much
> much and loved her. He told me that he would straighten it out when he got
> back home but never did. In the end i had to end up emailing her myself
> because he just kept telling me that he couldnt' get in touch with her, that
> she wouldn't answer his calls or emails while he was actually talking to
> her. We broke over that in the early part of June then around the end of
> June, during that time i lost his baby that i had gotten pregnant with in
> May. Thankfully i wasn't that far along not even quite a month but when i
> told him he acted or said that it hurt him terribly because he had wanted it
> and would have loved it so much. Then in the begining of July we decided to
> try to work things out and go on from there. Well while we were talking
> online to try to work things out i checked my email and i had this one from
> some friend of Angelas saying that she had sent him that email and thought
> that i should know what he ws being told and what he was up to. It was
> chewing him out over what he had done to Angela and some of the stuff in
> there was something only some one who had either slept with him or had been
> told by some one who had slept with him would know. The email itself is
> pretty disgusting or i would have just sent it to you. So there he was
> telling me that he hadn't slept with any one else since we had been together
> (10 months), didn't want to sleep with any one else, still wanted to marry
> me and all that. I told him that if he really wanted to work things out he
> would be honest with me and tell me exactly what happened and he kept
> telling me that he was being honest with me. Finally i told him that i KNEW
> he had slept with Angela and i am sure he slept with Donna too and if he
> would just admit it then we could have it in the open between us, work it
> out then put it in the past and move on from there. But he kept denying it
> so i told him about the email that i had got and the he had gotten the same
> one too. He asked me what email and i told him that i was sure that he
> already read it and i had gotten the same one, then told him a bit about it.
> Instead he just told me that i would never believe him and went ofline. I
> know that i sound like some jealous woman that can't get over being dumped
> for some one else but that is not why i am telling you this. I am telling
> you this because i think that us women need to stick together against these
> lying sack of shit men that just play with womens hearts and emotions like
> Jason does. Deep down i think that he is a good and loving man. But he lies,
> can't be honest at all and don't even know the meaning of the word faithful.
> I would just hate to see some one else get hurt by him like he hurt us. I
> think that maybe there has got to be some way to get him to really realize
> what he is doing is wrong, not just say that he knows it is wrong but to
> really realize it and stop. I think that some day he is really going to fall
> in love himself for real and the woman he falls for is going to do the same
> thing to him. Although i am still very hurt over what he did and yes very
> upset as well i will admit, i am still deeply in love with him and always
> will be so i dont' want him to go through this kind of pain. If you would
> like some proof that i do in fact know him and that i will be more then
> happy to send you some photos of us together.
Friday, July 08, 2005
Too Much Information?
This article talks about some backlash bloggers have suffered due to their candor...
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Sabrina's Travels indeed
Today I am in Indianapolis and have been able to experience a little bit of this city. I was in a building working very near to our Capitol building. I got to drive around the "circle", which kind of reminded me of Trafalgar Square in London. Speaking of which, I cried this morning when I found out what had happened, but once I got hold of Phil, I was okay. I am still a bit concerned about some people from my old work, but the office is closed tomorrow, so I won't be able to get hold of them.
Anyhow, I also ate lunch at the canal, which is just named "the canal" and thought of going on one of the paddleboats in the future.
Tomorrow morning I leave Indianapolis and go to a much smaller town of Fowler. We'll see what things I see there.
Anyhow, I also ate lunch at the canal, which is just named "the canal" and thought of going on one of the paddleboats in the future.
Tomorrow morning I leave Indianapolis and go to a much smaller town of Fowler. We'll see what things I see there.
Monday, July 04, 2005
Another day, another new job
This week I will be starting a new temporary position. I will be keeping my post as Director of the day care, but I will also be working as a temporary licensing consultant, going around to day cares all across this lovely state ensuring they are up to par. I have to drive down to the state capitol (two and a half to three hours away) tomorrow and get all clued up and after that I have no idea where I will be based. The position is 80% travel and I am covering someone's maternity leave. The position is open until January, though, just in case the person does not immediately return and also b/c the status of one of her co-workers is up in the air. We shall see. Really I'm honored they even considered me for the position. Could this be a step up? Or another life experience to learn from? Or both?
Not tonight, hon, I've got a headache
I was so excited to be here, in America, for the 4th of July this year. It started off well enough, with my cousins from Tennesse coming over for a visit and we had fun (as shown in the photos below). Once we bid them adieu and night fell, though, my feelings changed and suddenly I wanted to be far, far away.
My head is killing me from all these frigging fireworks!
They are just popping off everywhere. People are in their front yards, backyards, driveways, wherever they can find, they are out there lighting explosives, often with small children with them. The air is smoky, but mostly what bugs me is that even though I am in my house, with my doors and windows closed, I can still here each and every firework set off within a few block radius. I put a pillow over my head and still I hear it. I go to the room with the fewest windows, no relief. I can't even see straight right now b/c of this headache. I keep having to go back and correct myself b/c I'm transposing words. And despite it being legal to sell and purchase fireworks in Indiana, it is illegal to light them. Somehow, I don't see this rule being enforced. Though, they could make a lot of money if they started writing tickets. However, I think they would have more serious problems on their hands if they pissed off a bunch of people with a penchant for lighting dynamite!
My head is killing me from all these frigging fireworks!
They are just popping off everywhere. People are in their front yards, backyards, driveways, wherever they can find, they are out there lighting explosives, often with small children with them. The air is smoky, but mostly what bugs me is that even though I am in my house, with my doors and windows closed, I can still here each and every firework set off within a few block radius. I put a pillow over my head and still I hear it. I go to the room with the fewest windows, no relief. I can't even see straight right now b/c of this headache. I keep having to go back and correct myself b/c I'm transposing words. And despite it being legal to sell and purchase fireworks in Indiana, it is illegal to light them. Somehow, I don't see this rule being enforced. Though, they could make a lot of money if they started writing tickets. However, I think they would have more serious problems on their hands if they pissed off a bunch of people with a penchant for lighting dynamite!
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