Meeting Jason

September 14, 2003

So, I finally got to see Belfast today.  I took a double decker bus tour and walked around for just a little bit.  I met Jay last night, my first Northern Irish friend.  Well, I met him for the first time in real life last night.  He'll probably kick my butt for mentioning him, but he probably won't read this, so oh well.  Anyhow, we've talked like every day since I've arrived and my roommate said we were like "best friends".  I had just hoped that we got on as well in person, and we did (do).  So that's good.  Anyways, I've just been thinking, though, about how like I like Jay a lot and we get on so well, like best mates or whatever, and so often I just think, "well, this is it, we should be boyfriend/girlfriend now, look at how well we get on" or what not.  I just can not remember what a romantic feeling even feels like.  I don't think I'd know it if it bit me in the arse. You know everyone says you should be best friends with your romantic partner, but does becoming friends come after the romance?  Do friends ever really fall in love?  I don't know.  Jay told me that our conversations had led him to believe we were going to be "just friends" (and for God sakes, this conversation is out of context, so no, I did not make an arse of myself by telling Jay I was in love with him or anything...I left all that nonsense in England, thank you very much) and the thing is, I can't imagine having had any other types of conversation.  How do you talk to someone differently when there's a possibility of romance vs. having conversation with someone you know there's not that possibility.  I don't know.  Especially in a case like this, where we spoke often before we actually met.  Same with Phil (my old British friend).  After Jonathan, though, I began to wonder if I actually even had the capability of feeling romance.  After realizing that I had just spent the better part of three years with someone who I had no romantic feelings for at all, but had been ready to spend my life with him....well, that'll make you think, won't it?  I mean, we were best friends and there was physical attraction, so I thought that was everything.  I was comfortable. 

But then again, there were two guys from this summer who I had "different" feelings for from the rest.
One of them watched a baseball game on TV (on mute) while we were talking in his living room, the
other one turned out to be psycho and made me look like his stalker.  (He told me to meet him at his place, I did, he didn't turn up and then was essentially like, "look, she's at my place waiting for me and everything.")  So what does that say about me and my "romantic" feelings? 

Yeah, enough of that.  I spent WAY too much money today, despite my being a penny pincher and not even getting nail polish b/c I couldn't afford it.  However, all the little things (and big things) added up to a WHOPPING £34.  Mind you, I only get £45 a week to live off of.  That's a kick in the ass, so it is.  The bus tour was £7, my groceries were £10, the cab home was £6, lunch was £4, and the rest was like a pound here and there for essential items which I won't describe here.  When I got home and added it all up, (I kept all my receipts to keep track) I nearly fell off my chair.  Ah well, nothing to be done now.  I'll just be skint the rest of the week.  I won't be going out anyways, so I just need to be groceries again mid week. Then, I'll cross the boundary from skint to dead broke. 

I did have a lovely day today, though. And I'm so happy I got to finally see the city. Well, experience it first hand rather than looking down at it from the mountain!

It is well past my bedtime now, so I best be going.  Oh, by the way, the pizza wasn't brilliant at all, and the chips were kind of ucky, but I ate it, you see...

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