Cat sitting, Chicago edition

I will again be cat sitting on the north side for most of the month of July. Woohoo! Maybe with a clear head I'll be able to finally blog about my trip to Maine. Who knows.

But one of these cats is a bit needy. She's a Sphynx and has to get weekly baths and teeth brushings and ear cleanings. She likes to sit on my shoulder like a parrot. Then she chews my hair.

The other kitty is a cuddler, and I just have to brush her every now and again. I'm excited, but I need to pack!

Pictures to come.

Save Lennox

My email to Save Lennox;

To Whom it May Concern;

I had the pleasure of living in Belfast whilst a volunteer at Quaker
Cottage on Black Mountain. As I'm sure you are aware, Quaker Cottage is a cross community family center, working with both Catholic and Protestant families to bridge the gap between the two sides while helping the individuals and families get back on their feet. While working with the Quakers I learned a lot about the troubles Northern Ireland has faced and the long road back it is still facing.

I have always carried great memories of Belfast and even planned on
going to graduate school there. Then I heard about Lennox. The dog
slated to be killed on Monday. I find it so hard to believe that the
city I came to love would do something so cruel. From what I
understand, there are now offers to take Lennox out of Northern
Ireland thereby allowing the dog to live outside of the country that
deems him undesirable. I urge you to please accept these offers. Not
just for this one dog or this one family, but for the good of Belfast
and for Northern Ireland. The image of Northern Ireland is still being
repaired after "the troubles" and now people are boycotting it due to
this issue. This is not good for the country or its economic recovery.
I've seen first hand the views people have about Northern Ireland,
especially in the USA, and just as it was starting to wane, this
negative attention has brought it all back.

I beg of you, continue working towards the peace and stability you
have come so far towards. Save Lennox's life.

Thank you for your time,
Sabrina

http://www.change.org/petitions/belfast-city-council-let-lennox-go-home-to-his-family-or-let-him-come-live-in-the-united-states

Change.org|Free Online Petitions

Anxiety Dreams and Anxiety Reality

Bald
To dream that you are going bald suggests a lack of self-esteem or worries about getting older. Alternatively, baldness symbolizes humility, purity, and personal sacrifice. You are at a stage in your life where you are confident in fully exposing yourself.

From dreammoods.com

Yep, lack of self esteem - check. Worries about getting older - check. 

I was looking forward to this road trip my friend and I were going to take. I was going to use my frequent flier miles to pay for the rental car. I logged in today to book it and my miles expired! Well, apparently they didn't expire, per se, they now count towards my million miles goal, so I can use them once I reach a million miles. Um, yeah. So annoyed. 

I did log on to do some transcription work tonight so that's good. There are no shops really available, so I need to get back into transcribing to make that money $$$. More like ¢¢¢ 

The cat scratched me today. I guess he knows the word, "fight". I asked him if he wanted to fight (I do this with my dog, which leads to us playing tug of war) and he just reached out and scratched me. Smarter than I thought, apparently.

There's a meeting tomorrow evening for fundraising for the Africa library project.  One of the things we're doing right now is having a yard sale. I donated some boxes of crap I was sick of looking at and it turns out one of the books is actually work like $35, so it's listed on ebay. It's actually listed for more by other sellers. Is it bad that now I want to take it back? I thought Mom checked all the books, dangit. Oh well, good cause and all.  *grumble grumble* So how about you buy it and help start the library in Africa, eh? (It's a children's library, which is why this book wouldn't be appropriate.)

I'm going to be disgruntled elsewhere now. Toodles.

 

Annoyance - Sabrina edition

It's late and I'm annoyed. I should have (or I guess "could have" - don't want to "should" all over myself") went to bed hours ago. But I was annoyed that I didn't get enough done, so I tried to do more. Didn't get much accomplished (i.e, anything at all), so now I'm even more annoyed.

I've been doing transcription online and at first it was all peachy. Then it got a little annoying because none of the grading systems were consistent, it would just depend on who checked your work. So someone might say you need to add a line between speakers one day, then the next day, you add the line, and that person says the line doesn't belong. Still, I dealt with it. Now, no kidding, I get emails every week (or even more frequently) about the new way they are doing things. Now I'm completely lost. That's one of the things I was going to do tonight, was transcribe, and I just realized, I haven't a clue how they're doing things this week.

Another thing I do is mystery shopping. So I signed on to some of the company websites to see if there were any gigs available, and there was one in particular I wanted, but I have to watch a 30 minute training video and then pass a test in order to do it. I hate that. Just give me the frigging directions in writing like every other company. And even for a company I've already done the training for (just a few months ago), they've now updated the training so I have to take it all over again. Seriously, just put a note at the top that says, "Update: now ask for sprinkles instead" or whatever the heck it is the big update is. Seriously.

Finally, my biggest thing I've been doing lately is my shopping facebook page, and the shopping that I post about. Obviously, shopping requires money (see above), so I'm just annoyed. Mostly, though, I want to make the actual shopping website/blog, but haven't a clue where to start. I obviously have a personal blog, and I've started the shopping blog, but I want to customize it to have links at the top and everything and suddenly I've forgotten how to make a web page. I made my first web page for a college assignment in 2000 and I can't do it now? Sure it was archaic, but I did it. Then I did the personal web site in 2003, which was the precursor to this blog. Idk, I'm just old now and have a harder time figuring shit out, apparently (see above re: transcription).

The things I shop for are donation items. So, I went to two more stores today and got another car full of stuff and was annoyed that it wouldn't fit in the car properly. I looked at all the stuff in there and just wanted to scream!  I've been getting rid of it pretty quickly to local charities, but now I'm left with the stuff I haven't a clue what to do with; like Snuggies.Where do I donate Snuggies? Or gift wrap cutters. Instead of using scissors, use these handy gift wrap cutters. What charity needs those? And if you're asking why I bought them in the first place, it's because they were a penny and I want to keep them out of landfills. This store throws things away. So even though I dropped off some stuff today, I still have a car full and that makes me.... wait for it...... ANNOYED!

So, I'm annoyed. Annoyed as opposed to angry or sad, so not too bad, I suppose. 

Cat sitting - Indiana edition

 I'm cat sitting for my friend, but this time it's my Indiana friend, Dani. So, I've been trying to do some stuff more out here, though it's not that far from where I currently live. So far I've only managed to go to Dollar Generals in Lowell, Hebron and Valpo.  Yeah, I know, excitement, right? One of my oldest and dearest friends lives not too far away and I really want to see her during my time here. I'm just such a slow poke. It takes me so long to get into the groove of things and plan things out. Also, I'm a space cadet. Yesterday, I couldn't find my glasses; I found them on the floor of my car. Lost my wallet? On the seat of my car. Where's my camera? You guessed it - in my car! I practically live in my car and let me tell you, it definitely shows!  I need to clean out that mofo.

Part of what's in my car are the mountains of donation items I've gotten from the various Dollar Generals doing my "penny hunting." I even started a facebook page about it. I only just started it last month and I haven't done a lot with it b/c I haven't started the actual website yet, so it's definitely a work in progress.

But back to the car; in addition to the mountain of shopping spoils, I can no longer use my passenger side door because of the accident I had last month. I can't remember if I posted about this or not, but someone T-boned me on the passenger side and the car is, for all intensive purposes, totaled. Luckily, no one was seriously injured. I went to the emergency room and had CAT scans and X-rays and all that fun stuff, but I live to tell the tale ;-)


Back to cat sitting; there's one black cat and one white cat. The black cat likes to try and wake me up in the morning by sitting on my chest. Effective, but not effective enough to make me get up. The white one just stares at me and lets out a meow every once in awhile. He pays more attention to me when I have food. The black one walks around my feet when I first get in, like tripping me repeatedly. He's a lover. The white one will stand off in a corner and stare at me. The big news in cat sitting today was that I vacuumed. Woohoo! Not many people would be proud of that particular achievement, but I am. Unfortunately, the outside garbage bin is reeking of cat pee pee and poo poo and trash pick up isn't until Tuesday. I wrapped up all the dirty litter in double plastic bags and tied it up, but it sure hasn't helped much! The bin is right by the back door, which is convenient for tossing the doo-doo, but not so convenient for avoiding the smell. Or the flies.

And while I'm here getting excited about vacuuming, Dollar General, and cat poop, Dani gets engaged! Somebody is having a more exciting week than I, methinks ;-) 

Mike's cat Leia during cat sitting 2006

As I was re-reading this post, I realized that I have cat-sat in Indiana before, for Mike. But my most recent cat sitting gigs have been in Chicago for Mike's ex wife, and my new friend, Jenn. How life twists and turns! And Dani, the friend I'm sitting for now, was my friend when Mike and I first got together in 8th grade! The more things change, the more they stay the same. Let's see if I can come up with another cliche to round this out; And that's the way the cookie crumbles. Mmm....cookies.

Surprising Strength

So, perfect example of something that I want to share, but not on facebook; today I was at my friend's house for Memorial Day. We were sitting by a fire in the backyard and this guy would not let up on me. He just kept asking if he could kiss me, whatever. I just flat out said no - repeatedly. Then he asked if I was in a relationship. I said, "Yes, I'm in a relationship with God." He didn't skip a beat and said, "Good, because I'm one of his disciples". Ha, made me laugh. Hadn't heard that one before.

Tonight we also talked briefly about my stint in Edinburgh, Scotland and how badly it went. When I explained that I was going to be living in a home for transitional young men, some were stunned, like, umm, what? But I explained it was just to help with getting to appointments, filling out forms, basically a lot of moral support as well. Then I remembered when I told Ronan (my bf at the time) what I was doing, he was none too happy about it. It had never occurred to me that would be an issue. Anyhow, that's not why it went badly, it was due to other things like not being able to get on the plane due to too much luggage, not being able to get a cab back home, getting into a car accident on the way from the airport, getting fired less than a week into my job (not because of performance, but because of the reference from my past employer that they failed to check before offering me the position and my moving to another country) and then being stuck in an unfamiliar country with no money. Yeah, that pretty much sucked.

The funny thing (or interesting, I guess) is that I didn't give up. I didn't just run back to the United States. I found another position in England, got by on the 5 pounds I had in my pocket for those few days until I could get over there and just started a new job. Unfortunately, after that position came to an end (several months later) and I did find a new one, there were just too many straws on the camel's back and when just one more thing got put on me (harsh words from someone in authority at the position I was leaving), I couldn't bear anymore and I did go back to the USA before my visa was expired. It's weird, though, how that worked out; because I had such amazing relationships with the children I worked with and am even friends with them now on facebook. But had that manager not been such a miserly, miserable hippie, I may not have gotten back in contact with Mike when I did and had that time with him before he died.  There would have always been a hole in my heart had I not been able to have that 'closure' with him. I am so thankful for that.

Sometimes we find out we are stronger than we think are. Dealing with advances from a persistent stranger, with humor even, despite the memories of being raped; Being stranded in a strange country with no money and still not going home; Losing the love of your life and then cleaning out his apartment and office and taking care of his family after his death. 

Annoyed

Remember the good old days of actually posting full paragraphs of text to share with a mostly anonymous audience? Now it's 140 characters to everyone you've ever known in your life. I don't really like that. There is so much I'd like to say, to vent, to express, but hold back because of some of the people I'm 'friends' with on various social networks. Not to say I don't like it at all, I do enjoy it, but I don't have that venue to vent like I did in the days of my blog. Or the days of my geocities page.

For example, I was in a car accident last week. Someone T-boned me and my car is likely totaled. I went to the ER and got scans and x-rays and pain medicine. I posted about it on facebook. A couple of days later I posted about the pain meds and the affect they were having on me. Several people jumped in saying I needed to stop taking those meds because they were addictive and could do damage and blah blah blah. I was like, really? I was in a car accident two days ago, I'm going to hold off on rehab for the time being. But the way facebook is set up you really only see things that get posted while you're online, so they didn't see my car crash post, but saw my pain meds post. And it was just annoying.

Speaking of annoying, my fricking car! I don't know what's going to happen with it. I think I've done all the bits for the insurance part of it. I've gone to my follow up doctor appointment and gotten more pain meds. I keep telling myself I'm glad that I'm okay, that I wasn't seriously injured, that no one was seriously injured.  But then I keep having this nagging feeling of annoyance and disbelief that this happened. That something so utterly avoidable happened because someone couldn't be bothered to pay attention or not cut through traffic, or go half a block to the light where it's safer to cross traffic. I'm annoyed that I can't afford a new car. I'm annoyed that one of my few prized possessions is now broken. Which makes two of them now, b/c my laptop is still broken. I'm just annoyed, annoyed, ANNOYED!

That being said, I am really trying to make myself see the positive in things. I still thank God every night for the blessings in my life. That I have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, etc. I have been able to be a servant for God by getting so many donations of brand new goods to help people in this area and in underdeveloped countries around the world. I just got another car load of stuff tonight, and a truck load yesterday. But still, because my parents don't see the value in it, it affects me. Which is where I need to work on myself. I can't change how others think of me or what I do, and I shouldn't have to. I need to not let what others think of me, or what I think they think of me, affect me so deeply. That is my biggest challenge by far. There's that graphic that's gone around the web that says something like, "Before you diagnose yourself with depression, make sure you are not, in fact, surrounded by assholes". I really like that one. Because it is so refreshing to me when I speak to someone who just lifts me up. Who values me as a person and it's so different from what I'm used to.

So, here I am, trying out the blog again. Venting to everyone or no one. I can form my thoughts and state them without having my aunt call my mom or someone I went to high school with gossiping about it to someone else I went to high school with.

Somehow it all leads back to death

It finally happened. I have to get one of my wisdom teeth removed. I told the dentist I wasn't sure exactly which tooth was hurting, just had pain somewhere in that area. She stuck the scraper thing right into a tooth which caused me to gasp loudly and form the reverse plank position. "Guess we found the pain!", I quipped.

My appointment for the removal isn't until Halloween, so until then I have antibiotics and some strong ibuprofen. I recently read a story about a man who died from a tooth infection. He didn't have enough money for both the pain medicine and the antibiotics, so he opted for the pain meds and died. I got my antibiotics free at Meijer. Granted, Meijer is only in a few states, but it may be on the $4 list at WalMart and Target. Though, sometimes you can't spare $4. I was fortunate.

I was surprised to learn that you don't have to go under anesthesia for the procedure. That was one of my main fears about getting a wisdom tooth removed. Although it'd be convenient to not be aware of what was happening, I worry about anesthesia since it's so close to, you know, death.

Last night I had very vivid dreams. Since my pain medicine is only a high dose of ibuprofen, I can't put any blame there. I dreamt that I was talking to Chaz (my friend who passed away February 28th) on the phone. His voice was deeper, but still familiar. We were just chatting, but I remember him saying that it was sad he had to go when he did because we were only just starting to get to know each other. I replied that it would give me something to look forward to (when I cross over). I began to wake up or something because then I started to question what number came up on the caller ID and how could it really be Chaz when he was gone, and then I woke up. It was a nice message, and I appreciated it.

I also have been feeling things about Mike. I was just thinking that I was doing so well and how much less it hurt now, four years since he died, and then, BAM - a song comes on in Dollar General and seemingly out of nowhere, I am fighting back tears. Because I am a glutton for punishment, I come home, put on one of his shirts and watch a music video that also has special meaning. It's the first time I've shed a tear for him in awhile. The feeling remains with me for awhile and I am surrounded by thoughts/memories so strong that I can practically FEEL him there with me. It's comforting and sad because one of the reasons why it hurts less is because I got used to life without him. As horrible as that sounds, the 'missing' him part is just less because life adjusted. You're no longer expecting a phone call, reaching for the phone, coming across his things, or planning your day/life around/with/for him. When a reminder comes by, it gives you that warmth or remembering what it was like, but that sadness, because you miss it again. Then you have to remember, "Don't cry because it's over; Smile because it happened."

In addition, though, for me, I still have a hole in my life where he was and though he can never be replaced, it needs to be filled. For awhile Chaz was my good friend and even helped me with Mike, using his medium skills to connect with him. Now that Chaz is gone, too. I don't have that connection to either of them. I want to have another bff who I can talk to four or five times a day about nothing and everything. Or not to talk for a week and know you can pick up right where you left off. Have someone who sees you better than you see yourself and appreciates and accepts all the qualities that make you who you are. Is that really too much to ask?

Dogs in Joplin, Missouri need help now!

HIGH KILL GASSING SHELTER

http://s154.photobucket.com/albums/s265/pitbullangels/May%2018/

All dogs/puppies in this album are available for adoptions as well as rescue; but private individuals interested in adopting should call the shelter (417-623-3642) OR email them at shelter@joplinhumane.org instead of e-mailing Lysa directly.

Unfortunately, she doesn't have time to answer so many individual e-mails about single dogs or puppies. Lysa is more than happy to work with anyone to get a dog/puppy but she is only one person and struggles with time constraints.

UPDATE from Lysa on Saturday, May 22nd: "BTW...we are now up to 826 animals for the month. We are really stuck because we have nowhere to move animals out to while pending rescue....Golden Paws is full. We have no drivers to get these dogs anywhere ourselves, and no staff to drive them. It is CRITICAL that rescues set up to get dogs out as soon as they are available, I have several dogs to vet next week...it is just crazy. Rescues that can arrange to pick them up and vet them themselves are my number one heroes!"

------------------------------------

Please keep in mind this is a high kill gassing shelter. A high volume of dogs/cats come in monthly (620 so far this month). 60 came in on Tuesday (May 18th). They need help as soon as possible. Please share this email with everyone you know. I know it's hard to digest that this many animals come into a shelter and so many are gassed but it is sad fact. The best way to help is to save one or more. Timing is truly of the essence in helping. Many people are upset by this method of euthanasia, which is completely understandable, but please be respectful when dealing with the shelter as the employees are very nice and want to help get as many out as possible.

Thank you for helping me network for this shelter.

Please contact Lysa Lysa Buehler ASAP at pitbullangels@yahoo.com if you can help save a life. Thank you!

Some of the dogs/puppies shown here are also on the Joplin, MO website which will have further info on each one: http://www.joplinhumane.org/adoption.html

Wyvonnia

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2063296&id=1412619308&ref=mf

--------------------

From: Lysa Buehler
Date: Tue, May 18, 2010 at 9:56 PM
Subject: [KCRescue] (unknown)

I am attaching photos of more dogs at the shelter in Joplin that need out ASAP. We had more than 60 animals come in today; we are over 620 animals so far this month.

We are at the "euthanizing for space" point....I just cannot get them out to rescue fast enough. You can also check out our pet list at www.joplinhumane.org

Please note some dogs are marked as URGENT; but realistically they are all URGENT considering how quickly dogs are coming in.

Pictures were taken and posted quicly, contact me for specifics.

Please contact me immediately if you can help any of these dogs. I have also posted some dogs still on stray time in an attempt to get interest in them while they sit at the shelter waiting.

Sadly, VERY few dogs get reclaimed. If you can pull anyone, we need to know quickly.

If you pick dogs and confirm that you will take them, I will prepare a deferred transfer contract to put on the dog so we avoid any confusion.

Dogs that are available need out NOW....boarding may be available at Golden Paws Boarding Kennel for $3/day.

To cover our costs, we ask $10 for Distemper Combo, Internasal Bordatella and deworming with Strongid. If desired, HWT testing is available for $10, Rabies is $10, Health Certificate is $10. Dogs are treated with Frontline if we see fleas. Neuter prior to transport is possible, but boarding will be required outside of the shelter.

Three years later

Tomorrow marks the three year anniversary of Mike's death. The feel of the weather outside brings me right me back to it - it's nice, mild, 50 - 60 degrees. The same air that was present when I stood outside crying, trying to come to grips with what had happened. It is said that the olfactory sense (smell) is the strongest tie to memory - I guess the weather makes the air smell and feel a certain way that can bring you right back.

It feels sort of wrong, that while I type such a serious note, I'm playing FarmVille in another window on facebook, but I suppose that's what time does - gets us a little farther away from the seriousness of something so life changing.

And facebook - not something I would have ever imagined myself having three years ago. I only had a myspace with one picture on it to view my friend's wedding pictures. It was when a friend of Mike's dad asked me to contact her on myspace with details for donating that I even started using the site. And I think facebook wasn't open to the 'public' yet - when I did sign up, I used my university email address (where I was working at the time).

But the donations - the sorrow of not having money to pay for the funeral, the drama over having his body in the morgue for so long, the heartache of cleaning out his apartment - that is certainly in the past. I learned so much from going through that. I am also proud of myself for being able to take care of the things I did. If someone were to tell me that I would have been doing those things the same day I learned of Mike's death, I wouldn't have believed them. I would have thought that I wouldn't have been able to function - perhaps I would be locked in a psych ward somewhere. But the saying is true; you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. Maybe I would've lost it if the funeral was already taken care of by someone else, if Mike wasn't still laying in the morgue - but that FORCED me to take action because I had to do it for him.

All this talk of being strong and lessons learned sounds like a well balanced, put together, person - which I am not. I still miss him horribly. I still cry sometimes. I am still struggling to get to the next step in my life. But, I am still here.

I have moved his things from his place to my place, and then to my new home. I have put most of it in those clean looking plastic storage bins and divided a lot of it up between his parents, Jenn and his friends. But, I still have so many of his things to go through. I still work on it little by little. I can't just give it all away, or tackle it all at once. I really do feel like one of those old ladies who keeps her husband's clothes for years after he's gone. Something I never really understood - but, I do now.

If you believe in reincarnation, the idea is that you keep learning and growing in each life. Even if you don't believe in that, but believe in say, karma, you believe that an experience can be caused by another experience. Some of the things that I have actively thought about and not understood (like the widow and the clothes) I have come to have personal experience with, which has MADE me empathize. I try to empathize with most things/people, but for those which I lack the empathy, I am doomed/blessed to experience for myself - to learn/grow.

As I get more into this note, I click over to Facebook less and less. The seriousness of the issue and poignancy does still affect me - maybe just in a different way.

I am trying to make the most of this life - I still struggle, but I try. At a reflection point like this, perhaps it is now time to try harder.

I love you and miss you every day, Mike!

Dreams

I just remembered some of the dreams I had last night. They were quite disturbing. I'm just going to post some of the things I find in the online dream dictionary;

Casket

To see a casket in your dream, indicates that it is time to end a situation or relationship. Additionally, it symbolizes a completion of a project or lifestyle and a beginning of another. In this regards, this symbol may represent new opportunities.

Corpse

To see a corpse in your dream, represents an aspect of yourself that has died. Or it may mean that you are unexpressive. You have shut yourself down and are dead inside.

Campus

To dream that you are on a campus, indicates your need to expand your thinking/knowledge and challenge yourself mentally.

To dream that you are at the funeral of an unknown person, suggests that something in your life is supposed to put to rest or put aside so that you can make room for something new. You need to investigate further what aspect or component of your life you need to let go.

To see a burial in your dream, signifies that you have gotten rid of your bad habits or freed yourself from a negative situation. You are finally letting go of something.

To dream that you are burying a living person, signifies emotional turmoil. Alternatively, it suggests that you are being buried by problems and stresses of your waking life.

In the dream, the person came back to life before the burial.

And this funeral took place on a campus, in a different country...

To dream that you are swimming, suggests that you are exploring aspects of your unconscious mind and emotions. The dream may be a sign that you are seeking some sort of emotional support. It is a common dream image for people going through therapy.

To dream that you are wearing a swimsuit, suggests that you are feeling exposed or emotionally vulnerable. Consider how you feel in the swimsuit. If you are comfortable, then it signifies a life of ease, relaxation and leisure. If you feel uncomfortable, then it represents a lack of self confidence. (uncomfortable)

To see a head in your dream, signifies wisdom, intellect, understanding and rationality. It may also represent your accomplishments, self-image, and perception of the world. The dream may also be metaphor to indicate that you are "ahead" in some situation or that you need to get ahead.

I also somehow went into the wrong part of the wrong church... b/c of this some big alarm went off. I was like, "I was just looking for *can't remember*" "Well, we don't have those/do that in this church" big hubub

Church
To see the outside of the church in your dream, signifies sacredness and spiritual nourishment. It is representative of your value system and the things you hold sacred.

To dream that you are in a church, suggests that you are seeking for some spiritual enlightenment and guidance. You are looking to be uplifted in some way. Perhaps you have made some mistakes in the past which have set you back on your path toward your goals. With proper support, you will get on the right track again. Alternatively, it may also mean that you are questioning and debating your life path and where it is leading. You are reevaluating what you want to do.

2010

Happy New Year! I can't believe it has been so long since I posted here. I've been myspacing and facebooking mostly, though. What I miss about this blog, though, is an anonymous audience. I did not blog a lot of things on my social network pages b/c I was afraid of how my friends and family might react. It is so much easier to air things out to an anonymous audience, just out into the abyss.

So, I am still working towards law school. I plan to take the LSAT in June of this year. Still have to study a lot and pay down my undergraduate loans. It's been five years since I first 'seriously' planned on law school, and it's about time I got a little bit more 'serious' about it.

I also think it is time for another trip. I have been in America for five years now and that is quite a long time for someone with my traveling heart. A few things have happened that make this more difficult as well, including having to use a cane now. I injured my knee a couple of months ago, and am still recovering. It's times like this when you wonder why you didn't do things before? When things were easier...when you didn't have such obstacles? Why didn't you jump at every opportunity?

Scrapbooking.... just popped into my head b/c Mom walked into the room and showed me a scrapbooking pin she got for me. Scrapbook stores in the area have been closing left and right. A couple of weeks ago, I went to the final of the final inventory closeout sale for the Scrapbook store near where Danielle used to live. When I started scrapbooking again after an unintended hiatus, I realized how long it had been when all of my pens and markers were dried up. This was after Mike's death, when life became complicated and hectic. Now, it seems, I do most of my 'scrapbooking' online; creating collages, blingees, etc. With this new batch of inventory, though, I hope that the scrapbooking bug bites once again and I can find some joy and solace in the craft.

There has been this commercial on TV asking, "What do you want to do before you die?" It's for some new MTV psuedo reality show. But I thought, "I have no idea". The only thing that really came to mind was going to law school. Now that I've had some more time to think, I can definitely list some places to which I would like to travel, like the Pyramids, Switzerland, Statue of Liberty.... I'd also like to learn sign language, speak French fluently.... What else? Find a cure for cancer? Well, I don't think that one is easy to fulfill. My life has been about survival for too long now. When this blog started, "Sabrina's Travels" was all about documenting all the great things I was seeing and experiencing in the world. Yes, I had a hard time after Mike's death, and I had obligations to fulfill, but I am free of that now and there is no reason for me to not live my life to the fullest. As said in that Chicken claymation movie, the only fences I face are those in my head. For some reason, those are always the hardest to break through.

Injured

I can't believe it has been a year and half since I posted here. I became a full on myspace junkie and used blogs there, and now have moved on to Facebook, but no blogging there. An occasional note, but my random streams of consciousness are now confined to status updates and comments. What's a verbose girl like me supposed to do? Oh yeah, go back to blogspot ;-) I even forgot how to sign in here. Wow.

So I am injured. I am using crutches now and mostly bedridden. What happened? Well, there's no spectacular story for that, I'm afraid. I fell. I fell off the bus. On my way to work. Exciting, I know. I'm writing the screenplay as we speak ;-) It sucks feeling this helpless. I've been out of work since. I now have to file FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) paperwork and short term disability. I was actually hoping to be back to work today (Tuesday). That is not going to happen. Such a disappointment b/c I was stoked that I actually stood on my own for nearly a minute today! So I thought, hey let me see what else I can do. Oh dear. I felt like I broke my shin trying to get up the step from the back yard. I nearly fell a few times (w/crutches) and finally realized (begrudgingly) that I am actually still in bad shape. I would love to be at work, b/c my brain works fine, but my work building is six blocks from the parking garage - no way I can do that distance with the crutches at this point. I still can't drive. And even if I got dropped off at the door, there are stairs to the office and even more to the bathroom. It is a renovated house, not handicap accessible.

I am so nervous about being out of work. I've only been 'in work' for a couple months.

Oh yeah, did I mention an ambulance took me to the hospital. Yeah. Then I waited for eight hours to be seen.

Anyhow, that's the scoop these days. Oh, and I have a niece now. She's so gorgeous and is seven months old. I have a sister-in-law, too ;-)

Thank goodness I live close to family now, who have been helping me with my basic needs. Yay for family! ;-) Love you guys!

Easter time!

Hey there, hope you had a great Easter! We had our traditional bunny cake. Doesn't it look yummy? Chocolate cake with white frosting and pink coconut on top. Delish. No dyeing or hiding Easter eggs this year, though :-( Doesn't really feel the same without doing that, but I guess you have to stop once you turn thirty, huh?

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood today and it was pretty nice yesterday for the holiday, which is good, considering it has snowed two days previous.

Sherman the pug just plopped down on his bed. Licorice is partaking in foreplay with his hump bear and I'm waiting for Danielle to get ready for lunch - hopefully before it starts getting dark out! I came to Hammond on March 11th for the one year anniversary of Mike's death and I've been here since. I have to go back today, though, because I'm out of my medicine. And you know, b/c I live there! It will be sad, though, b/c I no longer have access to university computers, so I will be limited to sixty minutes a day at the library - no scanner, no photoshop, nada. Ho hum. Oh well, c'est la vie!

I had a fabulous dream about Mike last night. Whenever I have dreams like that, I feel so close to him the next day. I feel like I just saw him yesterday and everything about him is so clear. I love having dreams like that. It is one of the things that has helped me get through this year. I've also had dreams where I'm telling whomever (God, Death, etc.) that I don't want to die yet. While I want to be with Mike, I don't want to leave this life yet, that there are things I still want to do while I'm alive. That's comforting, I suppose. Reminds me of something my Mom told me after my Momo died when I was five. She said that when we see them again, to them, it will be like a blink of an eye has passed. (I guess I must've asked something like would Momo miss us in Heaven.) So I always remember that, to us, life is the longest thing, but in the afterlife, when you have eternity, one life is like a blink of an eye. So I know Mike is alright up there, and I know I'll be there soon enough. That's another thing Mike told me in a dream several months ago; "We'll all be together soon enough". So, he said, "look out for each other." Let go of the hate. I did, or at least, I hope I did. I have at least tried....

This year, Easter meant a lot to me, b/c I was really aware of what Easter is about. I know, we have the bunny cake, but on Good Friday, I really recognized that this was a Holy Day b/c that was the day Jesus died for our sins. I reflected on that and tried to honor it. Sunday is indeed a celebration, b/c that was the day he rose. So I have no qualms, having a feast and celebrating, by whatever means our culture has come to make tradition. Celebrate, He is Risen!

Belfast Memories

This morning as I was getting ready for work, I couldn't find anything to wear, b/c, as usual, I have to do laundry. Anyhow, I pulled out this shirt from the bottom of my drawer, and as soon as I started to put it on, I remembered that I had this shirt when I lived in Belfast. It all came back to me. I could picture myself picking this shirt off the floor in my Belfast bedroom and hurrying to put my wet hair in a ponytail to go next door, one of the only other buidlings on the mountain, to work. I remember buying it when I was preparing to go to Belfast. I remember living in Chicago when I bought it, the shop I bought it from, the el train I took to get there, the picture of me with one of the kids I worked with where he's wearing a Santa beard and I'm wearing this shirt. People often good naturedly (as least I hope its good natured!) tease me about having a memory like Rain Man. Lately, I've found that although I do remember a lot, there is a lot I've forgotten. Talking with Mike, it was so funny to see how we each remembered different things about shared experiences. With Jana this weekend, some of the things she brought up, I still don't remember, but I told her that it makes sense that that would have happened, but I just don't recall it. When stuff like that happens, it blows my mind b/c I feel like I've suffered some kind of blackout or something. How can I have experienced something and not remember? It is also like a gift, a new memory for me to add to the collection. Another piece of my past added to the collection. That's why I looooove old photos, as you can probably tell. A snapshot of the past, recorded forever. That's also why I looooove taking photos. So they will one day be the reminder that jogs my memory about that awesome time we had, which is so clear in my mind right now, but may not be in years to come.

Yeah, so I'm a nerd, what else is new!

This commercial cracks me up! It's funny just by itself, but the guy in it kind of reminds me of Ronan, just b/c he's white and skinny and being totally cheeky!

If this thing doesn't load, which is doesn't look like it's gonna, here's the url

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4tXCs4KgmU


Pasted in from myspace blog 3/23/14

Surliness

Have you ever watched the TV show, House?  I was watching a rerun of it the other night.  The main character, Dr. House is a surly guy who is rude to everyone and believes in nothing, but who is uber smart and can diagnose things others can't.  So he has no friends except for one poor oncologist.  In the episode I just saw, this friend just lets House have it and tells him, "you just want to push this friendship so far until it breaks and then you can again believe that relationships are crap and you have no need for them" or something like that.

Anyhow, House gets the picture and stops abusing his friend, well, for like serious illegal things anyways.  But it got me to thinking about a friend of mine who is just as surly and does not believe in anything, whether its fate or God or the goodness of people.  I initially thought it was pretty cool b/c it was different from anything I'd come across - but years on it's like, wow, how long can you stay so jaded?  Yeah, I was once jaded and doubted many, many things, but that was my post adolescence.  By now, at nearly 30 I've come to believe in things after I looked at the other side and made an informed decision, whether it was rational, irrational, whatever.  But this person seems to look down on me for having beliefs.  At first I felt bad about it,  but now I see this person like House - a glutton for punishment who doesn't want to need anyone or anything.  Sad, really.


Pasted in from myspace blog 3/23/14

Yahoo Photos

Wtf?  After spending countless hours uploading my photos to yahoo, I sign in today and they're closing!  Seriously, dude, wtf?  It lists five places you can switch them to, which include snapfish, photo bucket and a Kodak thing that I know I have an account for from a group I was part of a few years back, but damn.  Any suggestions of where to store my evicted photographs?  Any idea why yahoo is getting rid of photos?  I know they had a shareholder meeting the other day, but damn, is photo storage that high on the list of priorities? 

In other news, I am still looking for a computer.  I am going to get one, I just have to really make up my mind on which one.  Jon tells me I should have at least 1 GB of RAM, I think it is, idk, cuz some of the things I was looking at only had 512 MB.   Yeah, cuz I can only spend $500.  I'm paying cash. 

In other news, my 30th birthday is a month away.  Yippee yi yay!  Friday the 13th is the big day, but the celebration in on Saturday the 14th.  A bbq-like event in Hammond.  Starting around 3, a family affair, so kiddies can come.  Gavit is also having an all alumni reunion that weekend.  Saturday night is in Chicago at the Cubby Bear and Sunday afternoon is a picnic at Wicker Park.  See the Gavit page for more specific info.  ( I just tried to do a link, but it wouldn't work - this computer is FREAKING out)

Anyhow, feel free to come dressed as your favorite decade (I'm referring to my party, not Gavit's, but hell, if the mood strikes you).  1950s - awesome, gel your hair and get your poodle skirt.  1980s - rad - break out the mohawks.  1990s - cool, break out the earth tones and tight roll your pants (for guidance, see my profile pic :-)

Holla.

Pasted in from myspace blog 3/23/14

Life or something like it

Only have five minutes before library puter boots me.  Yes, it's been three months since Mike died.  Yes, it seems like longer - it feels like a lifetime.  Yes, I miss him terribly and think of him most minutes out of the day.  I have stopped the relentless sobbing at night, at least most nights.

Working two jobs now.  Got a part time gig doing bookkeeping.  Going up to Hammond this weekend for Father's Day.  Got my gifts and everything.  Man am I on the ball or what?

Getting up to last century - bought a DVD player the other day.  Then found out my TV only has the cable hookup so had to buy a modulator, etc.  but did it last night and hooked it up all by myself.  Yay me.  I can listen to CDs on it and look at my photo CDs on there, too.  Yeah, you probably already knew that, but you've probably had a DVD player for ten years, unlike my broke ass self who has been living a life of poverty (albeit with a life of service) up until well, still, really.  But less service.  Funny how becoming more materialistic seems to make me feel better... Damn, am I going straight to hell now or what?  I don't think a DVD player is THAT  materialistic, but still, its kind of disconcerting to realize that a piece of machinery made me feel better, at  least for a little while.

Pasted in from myspace blog on 3/23/14

One of those question thingees

Go to your page and list the last twelve people who have commmented you. If someone has commented twice, skip to the next new commenter. Skip bands.

Okay, I don't have twelve different people who left comments - but I'll do 1-9.

1.) Kris
2.) Jenn
3.) Ethereal (my cousin)
4.) Ronald
5.) Christina
6.) Phil
7.) Becky
8.) Butch
9.) Adam

Q: Have you ever kissed 7?
A: On the cheek, I'm sure

Q: What's the best memory you have of 9?
A:  Hmm...that's a hard one - when he first came home from the hospital, and more recently, all the late nights at 24 hour restaurants in NWI

Q: When's the next time you're gonna see 4?:
A: Wow, that's a good question, probably not anytime soon

Q: Is number 1 beautiful?
A: Absolutely, inside and out

Q: What was your first impression of number 7?
A: There's a new friend for me to play with! (we were 5)

Q: How did you meet 11?:
A: No number 11, too bad

Q: Is 10 your best friend?:
A: No number 10, so sad

Q: Have you seen 6 running around like a maniac
A: Yeah, and singing "Because I got high" Bizarre

Q: Do you think 2 has a crush on you?
A: You bet your ass she does

Q: What is the last thing you did with 12?
A: No number 12 boo hoo

Q: Have you ever been in 2's house?
A: Not the one she lives in now, but I was outside one she stayed in before

Q: Would you ever kiss 5?:
A: I don't think her boyfriend would appreciate it

Q: Have you ever slept in the same room as 4?:
A: Wow, that's a hard one - I think so, yes

Q: When's the next time you'll see 10?:
A: No #10, cry me a river

Q: Are you really close to 4?:
A: No - what is the obsession with number 4?

Q: Have you ever kissed 8?
A: Ha, no, don't think his fiancee would much approve (esp. since he has a graphic on his page that says, beware I have a psycho girlfriend or something like that)

Q: Have you ever been to the movies with 3?
A: Strangely, no

Q: Have you ever gotten in trouble with 8:
A: Trouble, hmm, well if you consider climbing up the side of a building to get in trouble, then maybe - (but no one got caught, so does it really count ;-)

Q: When's the last time you saw 6?
A: circa 2003

Q: Do you even know 9? (number 2 asks whats your best memory of 9, then this question, whatever)
A: Considering he's my brother, yes

Q: Would you give number 1 a hug?
A: Of course, I'd give 'em all a hug