As part of my study of the art of interpersonal communication, in one of my courses we began studying online communication. I used email and all, but I had never really been in a chat room, and didn't consider the Internet essential to my day to day life. I was dating Jonathan at the time, who I knew spent a bit of time on the internet. I asked him about how long he spent on the net each day and was floored when he replied, "about an hour". I thought, "what could someone possibly do on the internet for an hour at a time?"
Well, of course, that was then.
Not only do I now have a blog, a website, five email addresses, an online store and photos stored on at least three different sites; I also met no less than three of my recent boyfriends online. Bryan, Jason and Ronan, to name a few.
I met friends as well; most notably, Phil. Phil was the first person I met in "real life" after meeting him online. Jonathan used to always go to this chat room, and when I wanted to get hold of him, I would hop in there to convey whatever message I needed. (Believe it or not, this was before everyone carried cell phones to class and work.) Well, my hops in would get a little longer each time, especially when one particular cynical Brit was in the room. I really liked reading what he had to say, but was too scared to actually talk directly to him. I don't remember how or why we started chatting, but we did, and we actually became really good friends. Serendipitously, I was accepted into a London Internship program, and he lived in London, so we met in person a few months after meeting online. When I saw him for the first time, it really didn't feel like it was the first time, it felt like I was seeing a friend I hadn't seen in a long time, and it was just nice to finally get to see each other again. He had previously met up with some of the other Londoners in the chat room, so we all met up at a pub one night and had a great time. It was so interesting to me that a college student, a cardiologist, secretary and photographer (among others) came together for a night out. I had never really experienced that before.
Since my meeting with Phil was so successful, I decided to give it another go when I moved to Belfast. I responded to various ads on free friendship sites before I left the US and started corresponding with a few people. That's how I met Jason. He gave me his mobile number so I could phone when I got in, I did, and we met up.
Jason and I broke up, so I was on the prowl again. I posted an ad, Ronan replied, and we hooked up.
The one person I hooked up with in Manchester had nothing to do with the internet, but that's neither here nor there.
Anyhow, back to the story.
When I arrived back home, I was planning on moving back to Chicago, so I used online ads to search for friends and jobs. Found a job, found a friend. Friend became boyfriend, and that was Bryan.
Now whether or not the failure of those relationships had anything to do with the nature in which they started, I don't know. All my other relationships that didn't start online haven't exactly been fantastic, either.
The internet hasn't only affected my romantic life, though.
My family started a group email list, so that we could all keep in touch and share news with everyone simply by hitting "reply to all". It started out great, catching up with relatives you only speak to maybe once or twice a year, feeling the bond of family and other warm fuzzies, until the fights started breaking out. Now, I have been in the company of all of these people, even all at once, and I can say with a fair amount of certainty that they would not say these things to each other if they were actually in each other's presence; not even if they were on the phone. However, the internet provides a distance not previously experienced. Distance, yet closeness. Communicate every day, but only by reading words on a screen. It's like having all the information without any of the intimacy. That can be a recipe for a disaster; in my life, it has been.
In addition to getting into fights with boyfriends and family members, I have gotten in trouble at work for what was perceived as a negative tone in electronic communication. Furthermore, in the work setting, email, while it feels like a private thing, is actually very public. In government, it actually is public, so when I wrote a letter to my boss in response to her reprimand via email, it not only provided a scathing account of the whole department, but also became a scathing account on public record. Shortly thereafter, I was released from contract.
Last week, I received an email from my aunt who called me a liar, thief and psychopath, among other things. I was at her house just a short time prior to this, and she was nothing but nice to me.
My cousin was very offended by my putting our family tree information on a genealogical website, and in sharing her disdain with other family members, confused details and said things that weren't close to true, but still the word spread. She somehow thought that me emailing her something meant it was now available for anyone to see on the internet, which, as you know, is not true.
The other day, I passed along one of those forwards you get in email. I usually don't, but this one had the whole guilt trip attached because it was looking for a missing girl. Anyhow, I forwarded it to the people who always send me forwards. I figure, if they do it, they won't mind it. Well, I get an email back from one of them saying that it isn't true and I should check my facts before I pass something on, in that snippy way with all caps and the like and a link to the "real" story. I was a bit taken aback, but just replied, thanks for the link, lots of great info. Then she called my Mom's house that night.
I'm just confused. In conveying these stories to my Mom, she said, "maybe you should just stay off the internet".
Maybe I should.
No comments:
Post a Comment