Fun with email

Here are some of the forwards I've received via email in the recent past.

Birthday Calculator
Get fun facts like when you were conceived, what your life path is and who you are most compatible with.

The following jokes, quotes, etc were forwarded to me. I am not the author. I do not know the author. You've probably read them all already, but here you go.

The Blind Man And The Naked Nuns

Four nuns were assigned to paint a room in a church. It was a really hot day and the nuns were getting really hot in those black clothes they wear so they took off all their clothes and went on painting naked. Later they heard a knock on the door....

"Who is it???",

The man who knocked replied, "I'm the blind man".

So, the nuns decided to let him in since he would not be able to see them. The nuns let him into the room....

The man then looked around the room, then looked at them and said...

"Nice racks sisters, where do you want the blinds??"

Celebrating:

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table, until the wife asks, "Do you know her?"

"Yes, " sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

Golf Balls and the Blonde:
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

How green is the valley

"Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green every week for the last month."

The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go and say three Hail Mary’s".

Soon after, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months."

This time the priest questions, "Who is Nookie Green?"

"A new woman in the neighborhood," the sinner replies.

"Very well, " sighs the priest. "Go and say ten Hail Mary’s."

At Mass the next morning, as the priest prepares to deliver his sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop dead gorgeous woman enters the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes.

The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman in the matching green shoes sits in the front pew, with her legs slightly parted.

The priest turns to the altar boy and whispers, "Is that Nookie Green?"

The bug-eyed altar boy can't believe his ears but replies, "No, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes!"

FOUR LITTLE ANIMALS

A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"

A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always says".

The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be?" The little girl said, "A mink on my back and a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for all of it."

The teacher fainted