Hope everyone is well. Things are picking up over here in the Chi-town area, which is why I haven't been able to post in awhile. I am working part time in an office on the north side. I am dating someone named Bryan who is great. I'm just settling in a whole lot more, which brings me to my next point. Sabrina's Travels are over; for now anyways. My adventures in the UK are done and I am living a new life here in the city, so this blog will be ending. I may start a new one about life as a twenty-something woman in Chicago and the ups and down of trying to move up in the career world and applying for law school. We'll see.

I debated over whether to post this or not, but Ronan is having (another) baby with his (first) baby's momma's 17 year old (former) friend. Yes, it is legal in the UK to have sex with a 17 year old. Since I have no contact with him at all, that was another reason to end this blog, b/c nothing mentioned previously here is really relevant to my life anymore. I do still chat to Jason occasionally, but less and less now. I hope he does come to visit because he's never been to the U.S. and I think it would be cool.

In the meantime, though, the closest I'll get to Ireland will be at this weekend's Irish Fest in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Bryan and I are driving up there Saturday morning.

So thanks to everyone who read this journal, and I hope you enjoyed the journey as much I did.

Remember "take care of yourself and each other." :-)
Jerry Springer

I looked up the meanings of my dreams online and they all point to this:

From www.avcweb.com

The circulatory system is affected by our female energy and because of this we see dreams often link problems in this area with mother. Mother may not have bonded properly with us at birth and because of this as an infant we feel unloved. A new infant learns how to love from mother. If mother does not give love unconditionally (e.g. white heart presented to dreamer in dream) the dreamer has missed out on a vital lesson which is likely to lead to difficulty with understanding his/her own feelings. The normal reaction is to suppress the negative feelings or lack of love from mother and to rationalize things instead of feeling them. People who operate this way find it difficult to show compassion towards others. They show love in the way they learned. If you live up to my expectations then I'll love you - if you fall short of my standards I'll withdraw my love.
The heart requires emotional flow to stay balanced and healthy. Emotional problems only lead to physical problems if balance is not restored. The flow must be in both directions! People who constantly give of themselves and never receive are as likely to develop physical problems as those who never give.

------------------------------------------
I guess Ronan was right when he said I give too much. It can't be good for my psyche. Well, right now I'm feeling really down about myself, and I'm supposed to go out with this guy tomorrow night and all I really feel like doing is hiding in my room. I'll go; I'm feeling better now than earlier, but I hate feeling like this. It comes and goes but boy does it come when I am staying at my parents' house. I'm sure loads of people feel that way and have that kind of relationship with their parents. Well, at least if I believe what I see on TV, I think so.

I never realized how much I used my glasses until I lost them. Owwee, my head hurts. I am searching and applying for jobs online and I really need those specs. How I managed to lose them when I keep them in a big ass shiny silver glasses case is beyond me. That's almost as bad as when I lost my driver's license the day after I got it renewed. Hey, I found it, so it all worked out in the end. The really funny thing, though, was although I had to get the license renewed anyways, I didn't have my old one because it got lost with my wallet in Manchester. D'oh!

My eyeballs are really killing me here, so I can't stand any more unnecessary time at the computer. Oh, I did visit the new Millenium Park in Chicago, and though I previously thought it sucked when seeing it on TV and from a distance, but when I went and experienced it, it was pretty nifty. I can actually see why the sculpture is called Cloudgate instead of 'the bean', too. ;-)

Hope all is well with everyone.

Best,
Sabrina :-)

When I was a teenager, I thought I knew everything. Most people are like this as teenagers. You're learning all this new information and it's all fresh in your mind, and it's stuff your parents don't know, and you actually know some of the answers on Jeopardy. You think you're the smartest person around. When you get college, you realize you don't know jack. In fact, after a year or two in college you realize that the more you learn the more you realize how little you know.

I was at that stage for quite awhile. Now I am back to the idea, not that I know everything, but that most people know very little and it's actually quite frightening. I ask my doctor questions he cannot answer. I go to workshops and correct the trainers. I think that something has hidden symbolism that is above my intelligence and find out it is really just nonsense. It is getting a bit disconcerting. I read transcripts of congressional hearings and see that important decisions are not based on facts or research, but on the personal views of those discussing the matter. Why isn't more research done on proposals before they are put into practice? Why don't think get tried in small doses before they go nationwide? I mean, if Taco Bell and Burger King can do regional tryouts for a new menu item, surely Congress can try it for major legislation.

But then again, maybe I just have no idea what I'm talking about and they really do know what they're doing... umm maybe.

I have an interview for a legal assistant position on Monday. Woohoo! It's so weird how every time I start leaning towards thinking "well, maybe I should go back to Northern Ireland", something like this happens that starts keeping me here. I also have an appointment to see a room in an apartment on the very same block where I grew up in Chicago. I would be across the street from the building where I spent my formative years. I'll be going to check out that place on Sunday afternoon. I really would like to drive there, but I remember parking was hellacious over that way... We shall see.

So Jason says he may come to visit me at the end of the year.  Yippee!  My Mom and Dad get comp slips from the casino for free hotel stays, so I asked Momma if I could have one for me and Jay and she agreed.  Woohoo! Jason has been such a good friend to me ever since the first day we met each other.  He has always been kind, non judgmental, and helped me come closer to accepting myself, because I see how he just accepts me as I am, as a person, not a mental case or a chick with baggage - just a person.  I would go as far to say that aside from seeing an uncircumsized penis, meeting Jason was the absolute highlight of my time in Northern Ireland.  I'm sure he's flattered ;-)  Once he finishes his Master's degree he is considering working abroad, as he can make a lot more money is his field (biomedical science) elsewhere.  He hinted at even working in Chicago.  Whether or not he was serious remains to be seen.  With each day holds new possibilities...

I am a step closer to getting that job teaching computers and I am so nervous.  I nearly fainted when I found out I had made it to the next stage and when they asked if I would indeed make a commitment of six months.  I had just been chatting online to Jason saying how I didn’t know what I was going to do next and was online researching options for going back to Northern Ireland. 

The past few weeks have been relaxing, but the cracks in me are starting to show.  When I am here, I overly worry about each member of my family.  Today my Dad came home from work early because he didn’t feel well and I became sick with worry.  He has been going to the doctor because of high blood pressure and diabetes and just started a new medication. 

The news scares the shit out of me as well.  I mean news everywhere is sensationalistic, but I swear it is even more so here.  I’m not the only one who is running scared b/c of what the media is saying either.  One of my bravest friends was seriously fearing an oncoming thunderstorm.  It’s just madness.  We are all scared shitless all the time.  I can’t take it.  No wonder I had fucking anxiety here.

Well, kids, this is my 100th post on the Blogger site.  Woohoo!  I have more from when I did the pages myself back in the early days. 

I started this post earlier in the day, and since have grown to like the idea of another stint in the big city.  I emailed a few people about apartments and even some regarding meet ups.  We shall see what comes to fruition. 

Hope all is well.  Talk to you later gators!

Love,
Sabrina :-)

An email I received with some tips on how to keep yourself safe:

Protection Tips
1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do! 2. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you...chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go! for the wallet or purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!
3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail >lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The >driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives 
4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DO NOT DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.
5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage: 
A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat.
B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars. 
C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out.  IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead or hurt.)
6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot). 
7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! ZIG- ZAG that way you’re harder to hit. The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN! 
8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP. It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well-educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into h! is vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.
9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her "Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door."  The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a >window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, "We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door."  He told her that they think a serial killer has a! baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night.  Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door for a crying baby.----This e-mail should probably be taken seriously because the Crying Baby theory was mentioned on America's Most Wanted this past Saturday when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana.  I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.  Ps; anyone ever seen the movie “Monster” men are at risk also…caution IS FOR EVERYONE!!!  Send this to any person; male or female, you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better to be safe than sorry.

My head hurts.  From the neck up, I am just a vessel to hold mucous.  I have a bit of a cold which is really just more annoying than anything else.  I'm taking some drugs and getting some sleep. 

So I really want to get back to Northern Ireland.  I have accepted my place at University of Ulster, but I still don't know how I'm going to fund it.  I tried to do a bit of research today, but my head is just not able to handle like serious or coherent thoughts at the moment.  I have been watching VH1 for most of the day.  Dude, how did I not know that Rebecca Romijn-Stamos and John Stamos broke up? I must watch more celebrity gossip so I can catch up on all the stuff I missed while I was holed up in the UK. 

Well, now I'm making a cup of hot chocolate and Licorice is whining to go outside.  He's a scaredy cat sometimes and won't go out unless someone comes with him.  Aww, such a cutie. 

My Dad narrowly escaped a bank  robbery today.  He arrived before the police, but after the robbers left.  Scary.  He also caught the mouse in our house today.  He (the mouse) was in Licorice's bag of food when Dad found him.  He let him out in the alley.

Tomorrow our garage and shed are being knocked down to make room for the new one that will be built soon.  This means that poor Licaroo won't get to go out in the backyard until it's all finished.  So we will all have to get off our lazy asses and take him for walks all the time. 

Time for hot cocoa.  Hope all is well.

Love,
Sabrina :-)

I just had to check CNN.com to see what day it is today.  I am seriously out of sorts.  I had nightmare after nightmare last night and repeatedly woke myself up screaming.  This weekend is the 'anniversary' of the first time I was attacked.  Being here, where it happened doesn't seem to be helping matters either.  I am just trying to take one moment at a time to make it thru but I am so jumpy.  What turned out to be nothing more than a snore of mine was my dad standing over my bed yelling at me in my over anxious imagination.  I woke up completely frightened. 

I will be spending the weekend at Becky's house for her oldest daughter's birthday celebration, so maybe that will help.  Being with children always seems to put things in perspective. 

I can hear thunder outside.  It is getting louder and occurring more often;  a storm is moving in.  By the sounds of it, it is some kind of storm that will likely last all night.  Up in the attic where I sleep, it seems that you can hear every raindrop as it falls on the roof.  The windows shake when the thunder roars and the lightning seeps through the curtains as bright as the morning sunlight.  I can't help but think this would be a beautiful night to have someone curled up beside me in bed.  When you enjoy the natural phenomenon of a thunderstorm because you have nowhere to go, nor would you want to.  Everything you want in the world is right beside you, in your room, your bed, under your duvet.  Let the thunder shake the windows, the rain pellet the roof, it doesn't matter.  All that matters are the two of us in this bed. 
 
Well, the only other person sleeping in my bed tonight will be Licorice, so its not quite the same, but I'm sure we'll both be a little less frightened. 
 
I just finished watching the film Just Married.  I couldn't help but be reminded of Ronan in the character played by Ashton Kuchter.  Of course, I am a woman nursing a broken heart, so I'm not exactly the most objective person in the world, but still, it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 
 
I spent the better part of today in front of a computer taking tests.  I did become certified, though. Yippee! I now have a Microsoft Office Specialist certification in Excel.  Congratulations to me. 
 
Its been a hard day.  Think it's time for me and Licorice to hit the hay.  See you later!
 
Love,
Sabrina :-)

I was so high I did not recognize,
The fire burning in her eyes,
The chaos that controlled my mind.
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane,
Never to return again,
But always in my heart.

This love has taken its toll on me,
She said goodbye too many times before.
And her heart is breaking in front of me,
I have no choice, cause I won't say goodbye anymore.

This Love, Maroon 5
http://www.lyrko.com/index.php?popravi=30003&jz=ang

Here's another one of those email thingies I got. My score was 40.

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE


Pretty cool psycho test.

Here's something that you may find interesting psychological profile don't be overly sensitive! The following is pretty accurate. And it only takes 2 minutes. Take this test for yourself and send it to your friends, including the one who sent it, and let them know who you are.

The person who sent it placed their score in the subject box. Please do the same before forwarding to your friends.

Don't peek but begin the test as you scroll down and answer. Answers are for who you are now ... not who you were in the past.

Have pen or pencil and paper ready. This is a real test given by the Human Relations Dept. at many of the major corporations today. It helps them get better insight concerning their employees and prospective employees.

There are only 10 simple questions, so .... grab a pencil and paper, keeping track of your letter answers.

Make sure to change the subject of the e-mail to read YOUR total. When you're finished, forward this to everyone you know, and also send it to the person who sent this to you.

Make sure to put YOUR score in the subject box. Ready?? Begin..

1. When do you feel your best?

a) in the morning

b) during the afternoon and early evening

c) late at night

2. You usually walk

a) fairly fast, with long steps

b) fairly fast, with little steps

c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face

d) less fast, head down

e) very slowly

3. When talking to people you

a) stand with your arms folded

b) have your hands clasped

c) have one or both your hands on your hips

d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking

e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with

a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side

b) your legs crossed

c) your legs stretched out or straight

d) one leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, you react with

a) a big, appreciative laugh

b) a laugh, but not a loud one

c) a quiet chuckle

d) a sheepish smile

6. When you go to a party or social gathering

a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you

b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know

c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted; do you ...

a) welcome the break

b) feel extremely irritated

c) vary between these two extremes

8. Which of the following colours do you like most?

a) Red or orange

b) black

c) yellow or light blue

d) green

e) dark blue or purple

f) white

g) brown or grey

9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep, you lie

a) stretched out on your back

b) stretched out face down on your stomach

c) on your side, slightly curled

d) with your head on one arm

e) with your head under the covers

10. You often dream that you are

a) falling

b) fighting or struggling

c) searching for something or somebody

d) flying or floating

e) you usually have dreamless sleep

f) your dreams are always pleasant

POINTS:

1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6

2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1

3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6

4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1

5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2

6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2

7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4

8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1

9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1

10. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1

Now add up the total number of points.

Interpretations on next page.

OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should "handle with care". You're seen as vain, self-centred, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.

51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the centre of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful and practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.

21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.

UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions and who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything. They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you're boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't.

Now forward this to others, and put your score in subject box.

Happy Belated Fourth of July! To mark the occasion, I have come back to America! Well, that's not really the reason, but I am back in America. I have to say the weather is GREAT! So bright and sunny. No matter how warm it gets over in the UK, it is never this bright. I get to wear my new super cool movie star sunglasses all the time now!

Tomorrow my parents are having a bbq for my birthday. It's not officially until Tuesday, but you know we wanted to have it on a weekend and all. I bought tiaras for party favors and a centerpiece that says "party girl". Yep, should be a good time.

My mom is going baby crazy again. I already told her and my dad that my baby won't stay with them for the weekend, but they laughed and said, "yeah, right, she'll be here all the time!" I do worry if I'll be able to stay up all the nights I need to and make it through the first few months.

I have to get another check next month and now I have to find a doctor here again. I think I'll just go to Planned Parenthood.

I'm very relaxed here and I am a far cry away from the state of nervous breakdown I was in during my last day in Salford. Here I can relax, chill out and be with my family who will help support me in my time of need. In an Easter card my Mom sent me she said I was courageous for living my life the way I chose but to remember that my home is always here. How true.

My new short 'do' 

Round 2: Retail Therapy. I spent the day at the Trafford Centre. I intended to get a manicure and get my hair cut, did neither, but still spent money. Most of the money I spent (other than for the travel there and back, which was at least £10!) was spent at Birthdays, a card shop. They actually have two stores in the one mall and I bought from both of them! I'm such a sucker for that kind of stuff.

I am at the office downtown now, taking a wee break for lunch. I just made a hair appointment at a place not far from where I live. I have been trying to get in contact with them for ages. Back in April, I saw a woman at the community fair whose hair I really liked and asked her where she got it done, and she told me about this place. My appointment is for tomorrow afternoon. When I rang and asked for first available, she said apologetically that there was nothing for Friday, but there was an opening on Thursday. I guess a lot of people get their hair done on Friday or something...

I also just got off the phone with the hair buying people. I have to send it in and then they send me a cheque. So, whether I decide to donate it or sell it, I just have to have a ponytail cut off and send it in to whichever place I choose.

In other news, I miss Ronan. I miss him a lot. Most of the stuff I bought yesterday was for him, but I don't think I'll get the chance to give it to him. Yeah, you may say that I said this or that about him, but I don't care. I just miss him. All the bullsh*t aside, I'm in love with him and he's no longer a part of my life and that makes me sad. That's normal. I miss him and I'm sad.

Well, I better get back to work. Oh, I broke the keyboard at the housing office (actually, it just broke and I was the one using it when it happened, so now I'm responsible for it. Grrr...)so I might not be able to post as frequently as I would like. Ah well, such is life...

Until next time,
Love,
Sabrina :-)

I indulged in a little retail therapy today. Damage about £20, but I'll get about £5 reimbursed and really I kind of needed at least some of the stuff...

Now that I have money, I am determined to get my hair cut this week. It is my last week here in Manchester. I sat near the fountain in Piccadilly Gardens today and took some pictures. Oh, I also had Burger King for the first time in at least six months. The cashier didn't charge me for my whopper no meat, so that was cool.

Right, so back to my hair. Last time I had it cut, I donated it to Locks of Love, which is based in the US. I am looking online now for some place to donate it in the UK, but nothing is coming up. On the Cancer Research UK site, it tells about where you can sell your hair... Hmm....

I bought some temporary hair colour during my retail therapy today. I think I'll wait until I get it cut to do it, though, b/c with all the hair I have now, I would probably need two bottles!

I bought some M&Ms today, which is super cool, b/c you don't often come across them over on this side of the ocean - only the peanut flavour. However, I am sad to report, that I think I may not be able to eat chocolate anymore. I thought it was only milk I couldn't take, but as I often drink milk with chocolate, I tried chocolate without the milk and I still got sick :-( What will this mean for my future? Will I be able to carry on? Umm, yeah, I think I'll somehow find the strength to go forth, mmhmm.

My cousin, Mary, got married last night. Congratulations! My Mom flew to Tennessee for the ceremony. I spoke to her on the phone after she arrived and it made me want to be there so bad! I haven't been to Tennessee in awhile.

So, I am going to spend two weeks in nearby Warrington where I will train at the Childrens Peace Centre learning how to deliver anti-bullying workshopsto 11 year olds. I will then deliver the workshops to over 1000 young people. I am excited about the training, but a bit nervous. I can't believe it is already time to move again. I feel like I am always moving, but that's probably because I always am! After the two weeks there, I am off to Ballycastle, Northern Ireland to volunteer with Corrymeela Community. I don't know how long I will be there, but for now it is planned for until the end of August. I did get into University of Ulster for the MA in Peace and Conflict Studies, but I don't know how I am going to fund it. We shall see what the next day holds for us all, I suppose.

Well, lots of song lyrics and meaningful quotes. Looks like another row with Ronan. Yes, somehow I allowed him into my heart again, and, as each time before, he broke it into thousands of pieces. As I mentioned in my previous post, I was in Derry for a few days last week. It was a spontaneous trip which I paid for with my weekly stipend, and was coaxed to do so by Ronan. Not that I needed much coaxing, but just to say he wanted me there as much as I wanted to be there. The first night was great, the next morning was good, but by lunchtime it was...over. He came home from work for his lunch break, and as I had been alone in his flat all morning, I was quite happy to see him and wanted to, umm, spend some quality time with him. He wanted to watch tv. I wanted to watch tv with him. He wanted me to play on the computer. He said he felt awkward. Things weren't the same. I was gutted. We'll talk about this when I get home from work, he says. I go to sleep because I don't know what else to do.

He comes home and this is where it all goes downhill. He says he needs time. He says it feels weird me being there. I ask, then, if he wants me to leave. Well, where can you go, he says? I know then that is exactly what he wants but he knows I have nowhere to go and no return ticket or money to get back. The rest of the time is spent trying to figure out where I can go and I am so shocked, hurt and devastated that I can barely go through the motions. I just want to forget about it until I leave, which I will have to do eventually anyways. He won't have it and says he doesn't want to make things complicated by hugging or touching me in any way. No, I can't lay next to him to watch tv, and I am "psycho" for being upset about it.

Another day goes by. I just can't deal with it anymore and I tell him I hate him, that I never want to speak to him after I leave here. After I get this out, I feel so much better and begin to feel like a person again. He, however, goes on like I have insulted his mother or something and sulks for days (he still is) about me saying I hate him. I say I was upset, I apologize. He doesn't let it go.

He arranges a flight for me. It is half the cost for me to leave the following day, but he uses all the money he has to get me the hell out of there.

Today I see him online and he says he doesn't love me anymore and I am psycho.

I must be to have to let you in my life again, Ronan.

Trouble is a sieve through which we sift all our acquaintances. Those too big to go through are our real friends. - Yaniv Loran

The worst way to miss someone is to have them sitting beside you, knowing you can't have them.

If something is to give light, it must first endure burning.

How you gonna win when you ain't right within? - Lauryn Hill

You do not have to be your mother unless she is who you want to be. You do not have to be your mother's mother or even your mother's mother's mother. You may inherit their chins or their hips or their eyes, but you are not destined to become the women who came before you. So if you inherit something, inherit their strength. If you inherit something, inherit their resilience. Because the only person you are destined to be is the person you decide to be.

A man who wishes to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd. - Jack Lee

Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream - Malcolm Muggeridge

They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. - Benjamin Franklin, Historical Review of Pennsylvania, 1759


http://www.coolquotescollection.com/cat/wisdom/51/

I don't know what you're looking for
You haven't found it baby, thats for sure
You rip me up, you spread me all around
In the dust of the deed of time

And this is not a case of lust you see
It's not a matter of you versus me
It's fine the way you want to be on your own
But in the end it's always me alone

I'm losing my favourite game
You're losing your mind again
I'm losing my baby, losing my favourite game

I only know what I've been working for
Another you so I could love you more
I really thought that I could take you there
But my experiment is not getting us anywhere
I had a vision I could turn you right
A stupid mission in a lethal fight
I should have seen it when my hope was new
My heart is black and my body is blue

And I'm losing my favourite game
You're losing your mind again
I'm losing my favourite game
You're losing your mind again

I'm losing my baby, losing my favourite game
I'm losing my favourite game (losing my favourite)
You're losing your mind again (I try)
I try but you're still the same (I try)
I'm losing my baby
You're losing a saviour and a saint

Cardigans, My Favorite Game

http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/c/cardigans5688/myfavoritegame229583.html