Nuts in my hair

A few days ago, I got this candy apple from the sandwich shop at the casino. I didn't pick out the specific one, just ordered a, "Caramel apple", and didn't think much of it. I got it home and saw it was like the most super duper covered apple I'd ever seen. I wondered if there was really apple in there. In addition to the regular caramel and nuts, there was some swirl stuff and pecans and then dipped in chocolate with more pecans. The chocolate was about 1/2 inch thick.

Tonight I decided I'd finally try and tame the candy apple beast.

First of all, I could not get it in my mouth (that's what she said). I mean, I couldn't get a bite in anywhere. The chocolate was way too thick and the pecans, too. It wasn't just a pecan here and there, it was solid pecans and chocolate. So, I try and get a bite towards the bottom of the apple. That's when the stick broke.

I realized there was no way I was going to be able to make it through the chocolate pecan mountain top, so I get a knife. Shit just got real. I start cutting off the chocolate pecan top to see if I can maybe find some apple down there. The stick is useless now, so I'm holding the actual apple cutting chunks off and taking a bite where I think I can fit it in my mouth.

Needless to say, I made a pretty big mess. The chocolate is now melting in my hands (since I'm holding the apple). I get it all over the knife, the table, my soy milk mug (I mean, I'm not going to eat chocolate without my soy milk).  I again try biting the bottom of the apple. I cut more and more chocolate and pecans off. They start to fall on the floor and the dogs go for them. D'oh. No dogs, not for you! Chocolate is bad. They're staring at me, begging. Licorice starts jumping up on me. I just sighed and knew that I had to accept defeat.

So, I clean up my mess, wash the knife and mug and my hands and think I'm all done. Later, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I have nuts in my hair! How in the hell did that happen?

I couldn't get it in my mouth and I got nuts in my hair. 

I think I much prefer the Affy Tapples.