Long distance relationship - not just the distance in miles, but the distance from the relationship. I spoke to Ronan last week and it has been months since we've even emailed, but years since we've seen each other. After six hours on the phone, we talk about being in love, again. Or never having stopped loving. Is it practical, though, to uproot your life, get engaged/married, to be with someone you haven't been in a relationship with or even seen for eight years? We decided that, no, it was not practical. The distance was just too great. Long distance relationships don't work; the literal ones or the proverbial ones.
Below are some facebook posts on the subject.
Sabrina: Am
I just a sentimental fool? Why, oh why did I just spend six hours on
the phone with an ex who lives in another country? Thank God for
internet phone.
Jonathan: Yes.
Sabrina: So, in case you saw my status the other day about the ex in another country. I guess I should follow it up by saying we ended the conversation by deciding that there's no way it could work with us living in different countries and since we have such strong feelings, we're not going to talk anymore. So, yeah. No insane-ness. Just a looooong conversation and a sensible decision. For those who don't know, he is a native of Northern Ireland and we dated while I was living there.
Brandy: Time to move.
Sabrina: I would in a heartbeat, but I can't work there without a work permit and can't get that unless we're married, and even then it's a pain to get. It would be easier if it was the same amount of miles but in the same country.
Sabrina: And we talked about getting married but to do so right this second would be insane because we haven't seen each other in years.
Brandy: You're right.. but I wouldn't end it on that note.. you never know what life has planned for you.. always keep a open mind.. never ban yourself from someone.. theres a will theres a way.. maybe not now.. or this year.. but someday.
Sabrina: Yeah, that's actually how we did leave it; that maybe the universe will lead us back. And I have started thinking about doing my law degree over there. I had actually been accepted to school there for a master's degree (years ago), but the financial aid wasn't what I thought it would be and I couldn't afford it. If I had lots of money, this might be a bit easier! But a law degree is an undergraduate degree there and that might make a difference in funding. So, we'll see what the universe has in store...
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But then, shortly after I got off the phone with Ronan, after deciding there was just no way it could work, I got an email from someone and this was their signature:
"If you really want to do something, You'll find a way. If you don't, You'll find an excuse." - Jim Rohn
But THEN, after I hit publish on this blog, there was a blog draft at the top of the screen from long ago. Back in 2004. I never published it;
"I am trying to occupy myself to keep my mind off the fact that I am waiting for Ronan to call. I spoke to him yesterday and he said he would be coming to Belfast today. It is now quarter to 7 and I have not heard from him nor have I been able to get a hold of him. Part of me is worried that something is wrong - like a family emergency or something. Part of me is scared he is avoiding me. Part of me thinks he'll phone any minute now and say he's on his way. I am becoming more convinced that he will break my heart again. It makes me mad, too, b/c it was his idea to get back together, and I wasn't sure....as soon as I embraced the idea with my whole heart, he was gone. This is a bona fide pattern now and I'm so sick of it."
To be fair, in our six hour phone conversation, we discussed some of the things done back then and he apologized and seemed to genuinely realize that they were wrong. He said that I didn't deserve to be treated that way. No matter what happens going forward, that was definitely nice (and healing) to hear. But, as I also said in that conversation, I will not settle for something that isn't real and I will not be the one to take the step out, so to speak. If you want to be with me, come to me. Show up on my doorstep and whisk me off my feet. Be the romantic love story that I deserve. Not to be materialistic, but so that I can see your love. Having been through some of things we've been through (as noted above), I need that to know that this is different. That those things were really just the actions of a kid in his early twenties. That now this man in his thirties knows better. That this man will go the distance for me. That this man loves me.
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