Alternatives to Violence Project (AVP) Britain May 2004

When I was a volunteer in Salford (outside Manchester) in England in 2004, I attended a training by Alternatives to Violence Project (AVP) Britain. It was in May of that year and the training was actually held in Ashton under Lyne, which required a long multiple buses ride for me, but it was worth it. This training was 14 years ago, but I do remember some things. One of the activities done was to show how much body language matters in interactions. People set up scenes to show body language that shows violence. My "favorite" is the last one, because although it doesn't show physical violence, the small stature of the boy and the overpowering figure of the man show that it is violent in nature.

One of the ways we "clapped" was to shake our hands in the air. 

We spent at least two days together, possibly two and a half, I'm not sure now. But they were full 8 hour days, so we got to know each other well. Here are some pics from hanging out during breaks and lunch. 

After the course, we went to the pub (of course) 

The main thing I learned in the course was to think the best of people and their intentions. Don't assume they're being deceitful, assume they are telling the truth. Don't assume they want to hurt you, assume they don't. More great life lessons from my time in the United Kingdom. 

I am a Tornado

I am a tornado. In life. In love. In everything. Most of the time I don't want to be a tornado, I want to be a slow, warm breeze that barely caresses your shoulders. Sometimes I try. I tip toe through and try to be very gentle. "See, I'm just like everyone else," I whisper as I panickly look around to see if anyone can tell the truth. I may start off slow and calm, but the tornado always comes. Even then I try to hide it. "I'm fine." "Just a little stress is all." "No, that didn't hurt my feelings." "I most definitely am not crying." "Who says I'm yelling?" "Everything is fine. Everything is under control."  As shards of glass surround me and I wonder how I'll make it back by myself with no shoes and the wind still swirling.

Costa Maya, Mexico

I took a Carnival Cruise out of Mobile, Alabama to Costa Maya, Mexico and Cozumel, Mexico. This post is just about Costa Maya. The first part of the day we spent at Mahahual, which is a village on Costa Maya. We took a taxi there. The taxi rates are set by the government and for this trip it was $8. On the beach of Mahahual, there are several restaurants providing lounge chairs and beachside service. I had read good reviews about Tropicante, so we chose that one. We hadn't booked in advance, but they still accommodated us with lounge chairs. Ours were in the second row from the shore. We ordered Miami Vice drinks and chips and salsa and guacamole and were waited on hand and foot. 

My cousin opted for a massage on the beach. Her sixty minute massage was $30. She loved it and said it was a great value.

We walked up and down the strip and there was shop after shop of souvenirs and trinkets. I have no idea why they are selling items with American football teams on them in Mexico, but there they were. Also, while we were in our lounge chairs, people repeatedly came by selling wares.

One negative about the beach is the amount of seaweed. It was really overpowering. They try and keep it under control, but it is difficult.

We also saw dogs walking around that were pets of the shop owners, but they did not seem well kept. My cousin wanted to take one of the chihuahuas home with her, but that would've been hard to get through customs!

My iPhone battery died after doing Facebook Live videos so I was asking if there was a place I could buy a charger. One of the men laughed and said, "We are poor Mexicans, we can't afford iPhones!" For the record, my iPhone is a 5 I bought off my friend!

The last part of the day we spent in the port. There are lot of shops and a large pool with a swim up bar and restaurant. I decided to try out the swim up bar. I had always wanted to try one, so I grabbed my generic go pro in a waterproof case and went for it. The Miami Vice I got there was a whopping $14. You can see the phallic looking cup it came in. There was a rousing game of Marco Polo going on in the pool. The bartender asked me what they were saying and then joined in the yelling! From the pool you could see the cruise ship

While I was in the swim up bar, my cousin got a "fish" pedicure here at the port for $20. The fish in a glass enclosure bit off the dead skin on her feet. She said it tickled.

Now can we go back to the first picture of me in the Caribbean Sea? I wore a bikini top and gave zero f*%ks. There was a time in my life I would not change socks in front of someone. For real. And now I'm just in a bikini like no big deal? Well, alright then!

Friends with an ex never goes well - virtual or otherwise

I was Facebook friends with an ex for a short while. It did not end well.

It's been a week since me and ex stopped being Facebook friends. I feel strangely relieved now that he is out of my life again. Though, to most others, that's unsurprising. How do some people just bring out the worst in us? Whether it's anger, jealousy or in my case, with this ex - intense insecurity. No matter how far I th =ink I've come or how confident I think I am, just a few conversations with that ex brings me right back to the crying girl at the bus station.

What sparked this was this super vivid dream I had. It was inspired by the fantasy I had of seeing him at work and him being mesmerized by me. However, in this "real" scenario, he didn't even notice me. Worse, he met up with his girlfriend, shared public displays of affection with her as I looked on from a distance, and then picked up their toddler son from a daycare in the mall.

Still, I try to get his attention. On the lower level of the mall, there was a skating rink. There was some sort of square dance, group skate thing going on and I had to go right past him. His eyes never even moved towards me. It was so apparent how unimportant I am in his day to day life. It was heartbreaking.

I immediately woke up and reached for my phone to tell him I couldn't be Facebook friends anymore. I didn't mention the dream, but said that it wasn't healthy. He was a dick and said, "yeah, I'll wait a few hours and see if you change your mind." That just made me more determined, so I went directly to his page and unfriended and told him so. Dick again, "I'll make it so you can't contact me when you change your mind." Messenger then tells me he's no longer receiving messages. And he's blocked me. It's all for the best. I truly didn't realize how strong my feelings were until that dream. Until that dream, I didn't realize that I wanted to be a part of his day to day life, or at least part of his thoughts. But to realize I was literally the last thing on his mind was shocking.

What a wake-up call that you are on his mind only when he's scrolling his phone on the toilet when his girlfriend's asleep. Really puts your place in perspective. 

And yes, Geoff. Not fair to him to have some crazy fantasy about an ex. I was feeling frustrated with him, though, which is what allowed my mind to wander in the first place. Being so far away and his inability to come visit or literally meet me halfway began to take its toll. I started to feel like I was not a top priority for Geoff, so accepting ex's scraps seemed okay.

Thank you, vivid dream, for putting things in perspective for me again. Regardless of how much love I feel from any other person, scrounging for crumbs of love is never acceptable. Especially when they may not even exist.

I've got spurs that jingle jangle jingle

I dropped my Constitutional Law book on the top of my foot (actually it flew out of my car's hatchback). So after turning multiple shades of purple and green, I decided to go to urgent care to get it checked out. They did x rays and nothing was broken, hurrah. However, the Dr pointed out a "nasty bone spur" on the bottom of my foot along with one forming at the heel. Huh? I never knew about this before. He said that's it's usually due to low Vitamin D. Yep, I have that. No one told me that this could happen though. One doctor even minimized the presence of low Vitamin D by saying that 9 out of 10 people that get tested for it, have it. Okay... I told my doctor here in Montgomery about the D issue and he didn't even test me for it. I didn't fight for it because I already had to fight him to get my flu shot so I chose my battles. Had I know this spur awaited me, I would have chosen that battle, too!

Don't let doctors minimize your ailments. As much as I advocate for that, I let it happen to me with this D issue. I let it happen because I thought Vitamin D just made you tired. And I was tired for a lot of reasons, including, according to my doctors and my mother, for not eating right and exercising. So I figured if I did that, I'd cure my problem. Guess what exercise is not going to cure? This f**king bone spur!!!!! I can't believe I fell for the bullshit. Stay woke folks. Don't let anyone, including your doctor, fat shame you into complacency.

In the meantime, I've got this song stuck in my head.

Photo Shoot

When I went up to Indiana for my brother's wedding on St. Patrick's Day, I booked this photo session. I was already planning on getting my hair and make up done for the wedding, so I figured getting some nice pictures while I was all done up would be fun. After all, it's not very often that I get professional beauty treatment! It was so fun and amazing and the pictures turned out great. Had a great time! Book with Michelle!

Crying Girl Update

Back in 2003, I posted about being The Crying Girl at the bus station.

After spending the night at my boyfriend's house in Derry, he unceremoniously sent me back on to a bus to Belfast (about two and half hours away). I was so confused. Why?

Nothing significant happened between the night before and the morning of. We took care of his infant daughter, who was sickly, and that was all. It always bothered me that I couldn't put the pieces of the puzzle together.

The "official" story was that it was his mate's birthday and they were going to have a "lad's night out." I said that was fine, I would go do touristy stuff around Derry. But they wouldn't be home until late. That's fine, I'll stay at the hostel downtown. Nope, that was a stupid idea. The dumbest idea he's every heard of, in fact. Shocked and aghast, I rode in the passenger seat to the bus station and walked away. "Don't let him see you cry!" I was saying to myself as my eyes betrayed me and welled up with tears. Fine, I just won't face him. He said goodbye. I said nothing.

Fast forward fifteen years, give or take. Believe you me, whenever we had our period contact, I asked him MANY times what the deal was with that kick to the curb, with no sufficient answer. I moved countries, fell in and out of love, suffered loss, became a teacher, started law school and then one simple electronic conversation brought it into focus.

In a recent conversation, it finally made sense. The night before the baby, something happened. We stayed at a bed and breakfast for a nice little romantic time together. (I will have to check my old blogs for the timing of this exactly, but I think that's the sequence of events.) Everything was hunky dory until I had a PTSD flashback while he was on top of me.

I had been raped by a former boyfriend about ten years prior. I thought I had worked through things, but this hyper emotional setting and the physical similarities between he and the rapist must have set me off (not that there ever has to be a reason). So I pushed him off of me. Apparently, I looked at him with such fear that he said he now knows what a rapist sees looking back at him.

Once it was over and we had moved on from it, I thought it was over. It wasn't. It still isn't. At least not for him. It really affected him.

Every time I think I have a grasp of how rape has affected me, I find something new. Rape and violent crime affects so many people close to the survivors in ways I never even imagined. When people think that because something happened years ago, it's over; here is another example of why it's not. Ten years after the fact, someone who I didn't even know when it happened, was directly affected by the trauma of rape.

It does not go away.

One relationship in my life that I thought wasn't affected by the attack; really was after all. Now I realize, they all are and forever will be.

I met President Jimmy Carter - Plains, Georgia

Here I am with President Jimmy Carter and his niece, who delivered the Sunday school service in his place. At first, we though Carter would not be there, and it was only the 2nd time in 30 years that he had cancelled an appearance at his church in Plains, Georgia. A couple times a month, he does a Sunday school service and then will do photos with visitors after the sermon. On this weekend, his wife, Roselyn, was in the hospital and had surgery on her intestines. When he found out she was stable, he came down from Atlanta to attend the services (arriving a bit late) but had his niece give the service. It is just a small church and he sat just one row over from me and other than the two secret service agents, you wouldn't have known who he was. We had to go through a handheld metal detector before entering the church, but again, it was all very low key. Oh, and we couldn't have a purse. The lady that was stricter than the secret service agents was the owner of the local antique shop/hotel! She lined us up outside the church, had us get rid of our purses and stood in front of President Carter during the intermission so that no one could approach him. She took her job very seriously and you can tell the deep affection she has for President and Mrs. Carter.

It was a once in a lifetime experience. Thanks to seeing my aunt Barbara's photo albums, I know that my Grandmother and Granddaddy also made the trip to Plains, Georgia sometime in the late 1970s. I got my picture taken in front of the giant peanut just as my Granddaddy did!

I went with my law school's Democrats Society. There was one other person here, not pictured. 

Law School, Finally

October 19, 2017, Montgomery, AL

I can’t believe I’m writing this, but I’m in law school and I’m living in Alabama. It all happened so fast. Life is funny. It’s like I got a 2^nd chance. I was accepted into University of Alabama for college and my parents begged me not to go, so I stayed home and ewent to Purdue Calumet. I ended up droppinmg out twice before I finally got it together and transferred down to West Lafayette.

                Anyhow, circumstances prevented me from going to law school for so long. Some real, some imagined.

                Finally, 17 years after graduating college, I took the LSAT. I took it in June, the last possible chance for the coming school year. My original plan was to go to IUPUI in the evening and keep my teaching job. That seemed the most sensible and required the least amount of change. I would have had to go to class M-F 5:30 – 7:30 pm and some Saturdays. I began to worry that it might be too much for me. I asked Mr. Gavia last year for his advice and he said that working full time and law school is doable – but not teaching full time and law school. Teaching is a whole other ball game.

                Speaking of ball games, the Cubs lost tonight and are out of the playoffs. They made it pretty far, but no back to back championship.

                Anyhow, back to law school. I applied to IUPUI in April, around the time I registered for the LSAT. They said they wouldn’t be able to make a decision until my score came back in July.

                Now that I was registered on LSAC (Law School Admission Council) I started to receive recruitment emails from schools all across the country. The key word that interested me was, “scholarship.” A couple of schools offered up to full tuition, so I applied there. One was Barry in Orlando, Florida. My brother, Brian, had just moved to Tamp with his family, so I thought it might be nice to be down there with them. In addition, my boyfriend, Geoff, was being (or attempted to be) persuaded by his ex to move to Florida because she wanted to move there (and the kids, of course). I thought it was kismet. Then on LSAT message boards, I saw Barry being ridiculed and found out they had some bad stats on bar passing and work. In the end, they didn’t offer me a full scholarship, so I definitely wasn’t interested.

                Another school in Arizona offered scholarship. My cousin, Teresa, lives in Arizona, so I thought thatmight be nice. After a google search, though, I found that thy were on the verge of losing their accreditation. That was a no.

                The LSAT scores came in. I got 156. It was about 67% percentile if I remember correctly. I thought it was just average. Apparently, it was better than I thought.

                I got an email from a school in Alabama with the magic words, “up to full scholarship.” Of course, I have family in Alabama. This school was in Montgomery, which was far from family (l further south) so that was a little disappointing.

                However, I had come to visit Montgomery earlier this summer during my road trip. I went to the ADAH (Alabama Department of Archives and History) for genealogy research. I only briefly drove through the town, but I thought it was nice enough. Definitely a better impression than I got of Birmingham.

                So I did a google search and there were no scandals, ridicule or accreditation issues. Their rank was lower than IUPUI, but the stats for post grad employment and bar passage rate seemed comparable.

                I emailed the place back. “Tell me more about the scholarships.” I got an email back from Director of Admissions, telling me to give him a call to discuss. So I did. 

                I remember lying down on my bed in Beech Grove (Indianapolis) during our conversation. I grabbed whatever I could to take notes. Based on my stats he said I could qualify for a full scholarship! What about living expenses? You have to take out loans for that. Oh L

                I was REALLY hoping to have room and board included like they do sometimes for undergrads.

                Full scholarship is still good, so I apply.

                I’m still waiting on IUPUI.

                Faulkner gives me the okay! Full scholarship - $39,000 a year for all three years. Awesome!

                But then panic. I have to quit my job and move over 500 miles away in less than 3 weeks! And I have to take out EVEN MORE student loans. I already have undergrad and Masters loans.

                I’m hoping IUPUI can match it. They finally admit me and give me the number - $3k scholarship of $11k tuition.

                Wah wah.

                I had already explained to them that I had another offer. When I wasn’t happy with $3k, they asked me to send them a copy of my offer letter from Faulkner so they could, “see what (they) could do.”

                There’s some back and forth and they offer $10.5k – but not of 11k – it’s for about $20k. It ends up being about 50%. This is their final offer.

                I. Am. Torn.

                I absolutely can not imagine packing up my entire life in my 2008 Dodge Caliber and moving to Alabama.

                I really don’t want to take out loans for living expenses.

                But I’m going to have to take out loans either way.

                I talk to my boss, Tamara. Her niece just graduated from IUPUI law school. She calls her on speaker to ask for her take. “Got with the full ride,” she says.

                Then my parents weigh in. Just as they did 22 years prior, they beg me not to go. My dad even texted me about it. It pushed me to the edge. I sobbed. I was completely torn.

                I remembered how I missed the chance to go to University of Alabama before. I remembered flunking out of the “safe school” I remember the unhappiness.

                So I quit my job. I packed my car. And here I am. 

Robot Restaurant - Tokyo

On my way to Phnom Penh, Cambodia, I had an overnight layover in Tokyo. I decided to get as much as I could out of it. I booked a Manga Capsule Hotel in the Shinjuku district and got tickets to the Robot Restaurant. I first heard about it on a facebook post by The Points Guy and thought, "I have got to go there" even before I knew I was going to be in Tokyo.

I walked there from the Hotel. I was using google maps on my phone and not sure if I would be able to find it. Then I turned a corner and come upon this.

Yep, think I found it! I still get that song stuck in my head sometimes.

You can take a picture with these giant robot ladies outside of the restaurant.

This is in the hallway on the way inside the restaurant.

It is cheesy, expensive and touristy, but so, so fun. At the visitor counter at the airport I got a coupon for about $20 off the ticket price. You buy tickets for the show across from the actual restaurant. There are people standing outside the ticket area with large signs advertising the show. I walked right up, gave the girl my coupon and she sent me up to the ticket desk. No frills, no fuss, just business. (i.e., this is not where you are going to ask questions about the show- they move you right along - get your questions out to the person outside trying to lure you in).

When you arrive, they put you into this mirrored room with a bar where you can purchase expensive drinks and overpriced bar food. The menus are in English, or at least are available in English. The staff speak English, or at least most of the ones who interact with customers.
You can hear the announcements being made in English.

This is the floor/stage before the lights go out.

These signs let you know that it's now or never. 

By the end of the show, I was saying, "Holy sh*t!" and was kind of relieved it was over. I didn't know how much more of it I could take. Total sensory overload. 

Now for the big girl tips: It is tight in here, very tight. I was lucky to get a front row seat, but it was in the middle of the row so there were tables and people on either side of me. I'm talking just a few inches away from each other. It makes economy class airport seating look like luxury. I was upfront with the staff about the situation and they got a person on the end to trade with me. I had asked if maybe they could just pull up a chair or something but there is no extra space anyplace on the floor. Every inch is accounted for the show. If you are in the front row, they make you practice dodging the robots at the start. And you do! There are pieces of robots and contraptions that do go right over your head.

My photos and videos leave a lot to be desired because the show is dark, and my camera isn't great with dark lighting. There are so many things I wish I could have got good video of. There was a Michael Jackson dance segment where the dancers wore glow sticks all over their bodies. It was really cool, but my photos and videos are nearly impossible to make out.

For me I had this inner battle of wanting to record/photograph everything and wanting to just soak it all up in the moment. There is so much going on at every angle. It is expensive. However, I'm glad I did it. I had a very small sliver of time open for an activity in Tokyo and this fit the bill. The district is a little shady with nudie clubs as you walk by (this is the "red light" district). However, there is enough foot traffic that I did not feel unsafe walking alone at night.

It was an awesome experience!

Do you recognize this girl?

We didn't take "selfies".  We had photo booths. You paid two or three dollars and got four chances to get it right. You would then wait a few minutes to see how it turned out. 

There was photo booth in Woodmar Mall that I loved. I took pictures with nearly every person who went there with me. It was located right outside of Carsons. I remember sitting and waiting for the pictures to print out and then waiting for them to cool down. When the machine spat them out, it also ran a fan on them to dry the ink. 

I don't remember why I went into the photo booth alone. This is the only time I've ever done that. Did I need a photo for something? I'm not sure what year this is, but it was definitely after my 15th birthday, because in another shot, I see the ring I got.

Something about this photo strikes me. I don't know exactly what it is. The eyes look sullen. The space between the eyes and cheek look sunk in. The mouth looks big for the face, the teeth look big for the mouth. Not a bad thing. Kind of Julia Roberts style. 

It's hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that this is me. It doesn't look familiar to me at all. It almost looks soulless. Is this what I'm like when I have my "shields up"? 

Funny, there is a ridge between this picture and the next where I folded it. I remember doing it because the last two pictures were "bad". 

This was one of them. Apparently, I had flipped my hair to get a different look and didn't re position in time for the next picture. That's another thing about photobooths, once it started, it just kept going. You didn't press a button or anything, it would just flash.

I like the second picture so much better. I like the way my hair looks better, even though it was just flipped over to the side. I like the natural expression on my face. There are no "shields up" here. This is genuine. This person has a soul. Here is where I can see the ruby ring Mom and Dad got me for my 15th birthday. I see the skinny hands and long fingers and nails that were part of who I was. I don't remember the necklace. But I think the shirt I'm wearing is a black one with a little flower at the top that I got from the $7 store (called One Price Clothing). I remember I had a pink one just like it and Grandmother had bought me one of them when she was up here. 

The top photo I am trying to be seen as pretty/respectable. The bottom photo I am being me and I am so much than that. 

Scorpion and the fox

I'm scanning old letters for a project. And getting pissed off. I say, "why was he such a dick to me?" Geoff says, "because he was dick. Have you ever heard of the scorpion and the fox?"


Here it is told as a frog...

 The Scorpion and the Frog

  A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the 
scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The 
frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion 
says, "Because if I do, I will die too."

  The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream,
the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of 
paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown,
but has just enough time to gasp "Why?" 

  Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."

http://www.aesopfables.com/cgi/aesop1.cgi?4&TheScorpionandtheFrog

What I Need Is Not Your Opinion

I am tired of living my life the way others want me to.

Travel too much; don’t travel enough

Date too much; don’t date enough

Put others first; put yourself first

I have lived in self-imposed exile for the last twenty plus years. I put the beliefs and feelings of others above my own for two decades. I’m sick of it. I am not doing it any longer.

I make my own money. I have a job that requires enormous emotional stamina for an amount of pay that doesn’t begin to fairly compensate, but I have an occasional week or weeks off to recharge. Telling me that doing what I want during this time is selfish? That I spent the last time off away from my boyfriend, so I should spend this time off with him? But then someone else says that my boyfriend will never have time off because he has kids, so I should forget about going anywhere ever again until they are older? Fuck that. 

I am 39 years old. I have been single for the majority of that time. I don’t have children. I don’t own a home. I only started my career three years ago. Most of this is because I was so emotionally crippled after being raped as a teenager and not getting the help and support that I needed from anyone, including my family. I finally feel like I can live again, and you want me to live the way you think I should? Fuck that.

Yes, I will take a trip to Cambodia by my fucking self. I will sleep in a capsule in Tokyo by my fucking self. I will drive to Canada without my boyfriend or his kids because he says they can’t handle the trip. I will take my boyfriend to a nice bed and breakfast with my own fucking money. I will let my boyfriend’s kids go to day care instead of watching them all day on my day off. I will stay in the fucking house because I’m tired as shit if that’s what I want to do.

I have made the choices to create this life. You didn’t have protected sex and got pregnant? Not my fucking problem. You decided to get married as a teenager? Not my fucking problem. You left your husband for the babysitter? Don’t fucking look at me.

I have worked my ass off to get through high school, college, graduate school and teacher training to get my career. Don’t look down your nose at me at how I spend my money. Don’t make comments like, “It must be nice”. You weren’t saying that when I was up all night working on my master’s thesis were you? Or when I was falling asleep in the elevator on my way to work at Taco Bell during college. Or when I was taking care of my love’s disabled mother after he died. How about when I was celibate for seven years because I didn’t think anyone could possibly find me attractive?

Oh, but I sure heard different opinions during this time.

I don’t need your opinions, I need your support.
I don’t need your judgement, I need your love.

If you can’t give me that, then I don’t need you. 

Cambodia - Hotel

I have arrived safe and sound at home the bag for my trip to Cambodia. Since there's so much to tell about the trip I figured I'd break it up into pieces. Today's blog post about the hotel. I booked the hotel on agoda.com. since it is 90 degrees in Cambodia right now I knew that air conditioning was an absolute must for my hotel stay. I was able to limit search based on that parameter. I then decided on neighborhoods based on reading various post on the Lonely Planet message board for Cambodia. Someone mentioned a couple of streets that were good for hotels and when I found one in my price range on one of those streets I booked it. the street was 208. The hotel was https://www.facebook.com/Villa-Chaktok-568942863289480/ Villa Chaktok. the price ranged from $20-30 a night, with most nights being $23.

 That amount seems super cheap to Americans but you can get a dorm bed and Cambodia for as low as $5. I could have paid a lot more and got my own private pool and other amenities. However I decided to go middle of the road. I had the comfort I wanted with a price I could afford.

The air conditioning was awesome and I was able to control it by remote control. I had a small refrigerator in the room which had a mini-bar. There was a flat screen rejection attached to the wall. There was an armoire in the room that has robes and slippers. I had a king size bed. The Wi-Fi was awesome. When I first arrived to the hotel they treated me like a queen. They helped me get my luggage from the cab and gave me a nice cold drink.

They carried my luggage upstairs to my room for me.

All very luxurious, especially by Cambodian standards.

Here are the down sides: they did not clean her room while I was there. This meant that they didn't empty the trash. Considering that you don't throw toilet paper in the toilet and have to put it in a trash can that makes for some pretty nasty trash. They would never be in the room without me being there. I don't know if this is a cultural thing or just their practice. I know that if I would have asked them to change the trash they would have done so quickly. Any time I called reception they were there within two minutes time. However I didn't feel comfortable asking them to do that.

When I went to add a night they tried to overcharge me for my room. I finally just looked it up on agoda myself and showed them the price it was a going for on that website and that's how I got my room for $23 for the rest of the time. One of the nights that I booked on agoda (before I arrived) was $20 and another one was $30 since it was a weekend night. So when I wanted to add more they wanted to charge me $30 a night. I was ready to walk away. or just book through agoda and have then pay the commission.

They don't have a pool. there are many hotels in Phnom Penh which have a pool. It is seen as an essential given the heat in the area. This is a brand new hotel, though, and according to the manager, there are plans to add a pool, along with a sky bar. There are pictures of the sky bar on their facebook page, which show that it is almost finished.

The staff was not knowledgeable about tourist information. They we're willing to google anything to find the info, but they we're not familiar with basic things, like boat rides on the Mekong River or how to get to Siem Reap.

All in all, I was very happy with my stay there. the air conditioning worked perfectly, the Wi-Fi was good and the place was clean.

Planning and Panic

I am leaving for Cambodia in just a few days. I am so excited and nervous and know that there is no turning back now!

Just to review where all the info from this trip came:
I found out about the flight through The Points Guy on Facebook. His main schtick is getting miles from credit cards, but he also posts really good air fare deals when they become available. My round trip flight from Chicago to Phnom Penh was under $450. That is the entire reason I decided to take this trip. Give me a good deal and I'm there!

Hotel -
When it came to booking a hotel in Asia, I had absolutely no clue where to begin. I first looked at AirBnB, which is what I used exclusively during my Canada road trip this summer. There were many great listings, but I realized that I didn't know enough about the city to figure out how far away the homes were from the airport or tourist attractions. My main focus on this trip is comfort and convenience. I will gladly pay more to be dropped off at the door of wherever I am going. This trip has such a fast turnaround and such immense probability of jet lag, that I don't trust my ability to navigate on my own after traveling for 39 hours (this includes my overnight in Tokyo).

Next I went to the Lonely Planet website and found the Cambodia Forum. This led me to Booking.com and Agoda. Agoda is where I booked my rooms for Phnom Penh and I booked Tokyo on Booking.com. Booking.com does have price match, so if you find your room cheaper elsewhere, they will match it. I didn't use that feature, so I can't report on that.

TSA - I did apply for pre-check from the Transportation Security Administration. The cost was $85 and lasts 5 years. I did this last month, and here in Indianapolis, I was able to get an appointment the next day. I did not do the Global Entry, though, which apparently requires an actual interview in addition to the fingerprints. When I went, the person just asked me the same questions from my online form and took my fingerprints. I don't know if Global Entry is different. I do know that it costs more and word on the street is that in some cities it is hard to get in to schedule an interview.

As for activities while in the cities, I have found ideas from Trip Advisor and Viator. Viator is apparently the same company as Trip Advisor. I would read reviews on Trip Advisor and check out prices on Viator. So far, my plan includes a Robot Cabaret Show in Tokyo.

Did I mention I am staying at an internet and manga cafe and sleeping in a capsule in Tokyo? Yeah, just going all in.

In preparation for Tokyo, I ordered Japanese Yen from my bank. It should be in tomorrow. They were not able to order Cambodian Riel. I have no idea how one would get that money here, but I read that they also widely accept and prefer the American dollar.

This summer in Canada, my debit card would not work at stores, so I am going to have my credit cards at the ready in case I run into a similar situation. I want to have many options so I don't find myself in a financial bind.

Oh, and you have to have a visa to enter Cambodia, but you can get that at the airport upon arrival. My plan was to get it ahead of time on their website but I got tripped up by having to upload the photo and not having a scanner for my passport picture, and next thing I knew, I was out of time. D'oh.

What started out as an impulse buy has definitely turned into a lot of moving pieces fitting together. I also contacted a school in Cambodia and will be spending a day there while I am there. That is one of the things I am most excited about. If I had thought of it sooner, I could have tried to arrange more meaningful for my time there. I learned at the volunteer work camps on vfp.org, but there are none going on during the week I am there.

Whenever I become overwhelmed by a big trip, I think, "Just follow the end of your nose". Putting one foot in front of the other, I will make it there.

The Series Finale of America?

The election is tomorrow. I honestly haven't given it a whole lot of thought because I didn't think Donald Trump stood a chance. I started out as a Bernie Sanders supporter. However, I went and saw Bill Clinton and Chelsea Clinton speak at the Indianapolis Clinton headquarters because it shares a parking lot with my school. After Bernie was out, there was just no other choice for me. I can't believe that he has made it this far. I really hope that after this is over, it comes out that his campaign was a joke and charade.

This video by Seth Meyers pretty much sums up how I feel.

Now as the day nears, I am actually getting a little nervous. This is the first time I've actually thought, "Oh my God, what if he won?" I just can't fathom that possibility. I hope I'm not the only one. 

Single digits

Nine days (single digits) before my trip to Cambodia/Tokyo/Washington DC . Finally sorted out my night in Tokyo. I'm going to be staying in a 'capsule' manga/internet cafe. Yeah. And then I'm going to the robot cabaret. Boom.

https://thepointsguy.com/2016/08/tpgtv-robot-restaurant-in-tokyo/

For the first time, I'm feeling more excited than nervous. But then when I pause and think about it, I get nervous again. 

I'm nervous about the 13 hour flight from Chicago to Tokyo. 

I'm nervous about navigating my way around Tokyo.

I'm nervous about the seven hour flight to Phnom Penh, Cambodia, from Tokyo. 

I'm nervous about not fitting in the seats on the plane, pushing into the space of the person next to me. Hoping I'll have an empty seat there. 

I'm nervous about being so tired from the traveling that I actually won't be able to do much. 

I'm excited to go someplace I've never been and someplace I've never even thought of going. 

I'm excited to see new things and share these experiences with my friends, family and students. 

I'm excited that I'm actually doing something that really seizing the day and getting the most out of the short life we have here on Earth. 

But for now, I must sleep. Work still awaits me at 7:15 am. Cuddly time for me and Chewy. 

Cambodia Panic Attack

I am trying to sort out the details of my Cambodia/Tokyo/Washington DC trip that I so bravely booked a couple of months back and I feel like I am ready to puke. What in the sam hell was I thinking? I knew it was outside of my comfort zone, but I was feeling all powerful and hopped up from my Canadian road trip, I thought, I am woman, hear me travel and all of that good stuff. And then I saw the plane seat size - 16.5 inches wide. WTF?! My ass is much larger than 16.5 inches wide.

Well, to console myself, I'm getting a hotel with a pool and a bathtub so I can chill when I arrive. Via taxi. Which I will hopefully have to myself. With air conditioning. I am the not the 20 something I once was, that's for sure!

Would I do it all again? Ronan Edition

Last night after a nice day with my boyfriend and his kids, I settled down to sleep. I had this very vivid dream. I was having a conversation in the cosmos with Ronan. Arguing/debating over whether all the hurt, drama and emotional scarring was worth the short amount of time we had together. I wondered aloud whether I would choose to do it all again. Ronan and I were discussing whether or not this would happen again in life, as if we were souls deciding our bodies' fate.

I was angry and relaying all the pain and hurt. Shouting. Crying. Indignant. Certain I would never make that mistake again. Then I remembered: the feeling of love at first sight.

I remembered how my heart skipped a beat. I remembered looking up at him when we first met outside of the phone booth in downtown Belfast. I remembered what it felt like to have my arms around his neck. I remembered it all. My eyes softened and now I was smiling through the tears. Would I want to go through life without having had that feeling? Never. So then and there my soul decided that I would make that choice again. If I were to send myself back to 2003, I would make the same choice, no regrets. All worth it for the feeling of love. 

I just wish I had more photos. 

Oh, how much I've learned. And to be clear, when I say I would do it again, I mean, I wouldn't change anything from the past. I have the choices to make in the future, and I would not put myself through more pain and hurt with this particular man because I've learned it goes nowhere. But I wouldn't take it back. 

October 25th –virginessary

This is the day I lost my virginity many years ago. Since that year, I have not had sex on this date ever again. This is not on purpose, Is it like when a ball player gets their number retired? This date is now hanging in the rafters in my bedroom? Or vagina?

We had been toying around with the notion and building up to this. Second base, third base, heavy petting, dry humping, even some real life connections between his you-know-what in my you-know-where. But on this day, it was like the heavens opened up (my vagina) and it actually went in. Since it wasn’t really planned, there was no condom involved. And since there was no condom involved, it did not last to completion. Or very long at all. It could have happened prior if we would have “forced” it, but thankfully he did not press the issue I was never one for pain. So when it finally happened, naturally, organically, I was pleased. People asked if it hurt. No. Simply because we had worked up to it. My body was prepared for it.

Unlike that time we tried anal. Son of a bitch.