Apparently, today is forty days since Mike died. This is supposedly supposed to mark the end of the official "mourning" period, at least in one religion. Tomorrow we are having a graveside service to bless the grave. The priest is meeting us out there. Mike's mom will plant some flowers. I got Sandy to help me help her b/c I'm not exactly handy like that.
As for the forty day thing, I don't know if I believe that b/c I will miss him the rest of my life. Although, today I did feel something different. Whether it was a greater sense of acceptance, or what, I don't know. Leaving his parents' house tonight, it was about midnight and I really felt like I might faint. The weather, the lighting, the street, it was all so familiar, and it was like I was back in the day when we used to walk up and down those streets and hang out with our friends. I was so overwhelmed with this feeling, like I really was in a different time or situation that I felt like I was going to pass out. I tried to shake it off so I could get home, but as I walked up to my parents' house, the same thing happened. I could see me and Mike on my front porch, I remembered what it felt like to cuddle inside his denim jacket. I remembered the fights we had on that porch. It was all coming at me at once and again, I thought I would faint. I put my hand on the brick wall for support and now a new set of memories came forth. My eyes started going to the back of my head and my knees began to buckle. I eventually made it in the house alright. My little stinkers got my mind off all that as soon as I got in here. They are blessings. Now I better get some sleep so I can get up for this other blessing tomorrow.
Copied from myspace blog 11/10/13
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