I'll be home for Christmas.

December 24th at about 6:45 p.m. my plane should be landing in Chicago. So many things I want to do, so many people I want to see. Yet, somehow, I have mixed feelings about returning home, even for just a short holiday visit. I'm very excited about seeing my family, shopping at thrift stores with Mom, meeting the new pup, Licorice.

The two lives are so different from one another, it forms such a juxtaposition that it seems difficult to reconcile them as both being my own. It’s like parallel universes. There is always an adjustment period when I settle in somewhere, whether it be Hammond, Chicago, London or Belfast. I’ve just never flown home (meaning Hammond, where my parents live) from across the pond for a short visit. I feel like I might become a bit confused. Lately, if I wake up in the middle of the night, I think that I am back in my old room in Hammond and that Mom and Brian are just downstairs. I have to take a look around, think about the position of my bed and the room around me and after a minute, I realize where I am and what I’m doing there. It is a bit disconcerting at times, though at others times it can be a treat, like a short visit home without ever leaving my bed.

So, as the date of visit draws near, confusion and concern is being replaced with happiness and excitement. I am growing more comfortable with the idea and am looking forward to doing the things I enjoy in Hammond, like seeing my family, of course, thrift shopping with Mom (that includes the Dollar Store!), having an abundance of casual dining restaurants where friends can chat for extended periods of time, knowing the streets around me, having memories at every turn, seeing people who have known me since I was 11 years old. These things are the parts I will enjoy during a short visit. Sometimes, those latter things are what makes me not want to be in Hammond, but for a visit, it’s alright.

I’m also excited to hit the ground running in starting a non profit in Hammond. I have people to talk to, information to find out, places to see, plans to make.

Hammond is a part of me, a part of my life. It does not define me, though, so I no longer feel the need to shun it. I may not choose to live there, but at this point in my life I have not chosen to live anywhere for any significant length of time. I guess this means I have no choice but to learn to get used to juxtapositions, change and moving around.
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I'm still working on the following post, but if you have any relevant links or information in the meantime, please let me know - sabrighta@aol.com I'm especially looking for that research study that interviewed sex offenders in prison, showed them video of various women walking in the streets and asked which would they more likely attack. Instead of choosing the stereotypical women in miniskirt, they chose the more plain women who walked without much confidence. I read the study, but I can't remember who ran it.
http://www.austdvclearinghouse.unsw.edu.au/Conference%20papers/Exp-horiz/Jordan.pdf
Women are seen as dangerous and must be covered up lest they evoke improper or uncontrollable impulses in men. Is this why a woman wearing a miniskirt walking alone at night is seen as 'asking for it' if she is attacked? She's showing her body, she's out at night, by herself, this presents any man with such an overpowering urge that he couldn't possibly be expected to be held responsible for it. That is the belief.

In the Indian film, Fire, a man tests his commitment to God by the temptation of having sex with his wife.

The Muslim religion requires that a woman cover her head with a scarf.