I've learned....
That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the
faster it goes.

I've learned....
That we should be glad YHWH doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned....
That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned....
That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned...
That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and
loved.

I've learned....
That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?

I've learned....
That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned....
That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that
person continue to hurt you.

I've learned....
That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned....
That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with
people smarter than I am.

I've learned....
That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned....
That there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.

I've learned....
That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned...
That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned....
That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned....
That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned....
That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may
have to eat them.

I've learned....
That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned....
That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.

I've learned...
That when your newly born child holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned....
That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness
and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned ...
That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is
requested and when it is a life threatening situation.

I've learned....
That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Here are some bits from another email thingie I received:

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have.

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the
world.

Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened (This is my mantra!!! - Sabrina)

I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

It has a been a beautiful day today. Like a real summer day, both today and yesterday. Feels nice.

I made a new photo page. Check it out!

Talked to my Mom today. I was feeling really down and stuff, but she talked to me a bit so then I felt all better :-)

Me and Olka have been getting along. She is out riding her new bike! She loves it. I am a bit too clumsy for a bike. I do want to go swimming, though.

I am going to the Lake District on Thursday. I have booked this really secluded hostel with great scenery. I can't wait to just relax and look out onto the lake and the moutains. i will probably take lots of photos.

I was supposed to be going to London tomorrow, but that fell through. Oh well, c'est la vie!

Right so things are fine and dandy here. I got first aid certified on Saturday, which is good. Seven kids did as well, which is brill(iant). I had a relaxing weekend. I decide to take today off since I've been working far more hours than I am supposed to, but now I am here in the office doing some work. I have two meetings tomorrow and a project, along with a committee meeting on Wednesday. Also, I'm supposed to have some report done by tomorrow as well. One of my bosses is really getting on my nerves, but that's nothing new because he always gets on my nerves. He accused Olka of using his 'personal' coffee and tea that is here in the office. So weird. Anyhow, neither of us took his precious teabags and he is just cross all around.

I may be going to Northern Ireland next month for work. There is a dreamscheme there and we will be visiting it. I also have to meet with someone who will be coming out to Manchester to do conflict resolution training with the kids.

I swear I feel like I've gained ten pounds in one day. Maybe I'm just bloated. I don't know, but it's starting to bug me now. It's like anytime I make a decision to lose weight, more just magically appears. I feel like I have this hidden personality that is determined to sabotage any slimming efforts.

Well, I need to get back on that report and make some flyers reminding about the committee meeting on Wednesday. Talk to you later, gators!

Lots of love,
Sabrina :-)

The moods of a woman

This is an amazing little story about
~ATTITUDE~


Jerry is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!" He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?" Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes it is," Jerry said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life."

I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it. Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place. "the first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door, " Jerry replied. "Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

Jerry continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a deadman'. I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes' I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead'."

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.
The next move is up totally to YOU!

From LOLfun.com Accessed on 13 April 2004

I've completely lost my faith in humanity. Forget the concrete the boys had to break the windows, on Easter Sunday, their older brothers came back with an axe. Now the family of refugees who were supposed to move in this week will have nowhere to stay. There were fires and fights and an attempted murder on the estate all over Easter. I am far too sensitive for this sort of lifestyle. The boys then turned to my house and threw a broken pool cue among other things at our windows. I actually went after them with the pool cue and told them if they had a problem to take it up with me instead of throwing things at my house. I haven't seen them since.

I'm still so hurt over Jason and Ronan. I texted Jason and said I wanted to talk and he texted back saying he was at his girlfriend's house, we'll talk later. Two days later, I still haven't heard from him. I had a phone conversation with Ronan at about 3:30 this morning but I don't remember anything except for that he got a cat and I texted him this morning asking what his text of "maybe" that he sent at about 3:30 am was referring to. I haven't heard from him either.

I had said that I would speak to neither of them. Ronan phoned and apologized after reading my website. Jason is too close of a friend and it hurt more to not speak to him. I don't know, but right now I can't stop crying and I hurt because of many things, but these two are a couple of them.

Now, I'm not sure if I wrote this before, but I started losing my faith in humanity after seeing a photo on the front page of The Guardian of Iraq citizens in Fallujah laughing and smiling as they fanned the flames of the mutililated body of an American civilian. I couldn't and still can't believe it. I wonder if I am making a difference at all. These kids live here all their lives and see violence of all sorts all the time. How can I possibly steer them away from that? Our estate is quite good and manageable, but we are only one set of houses, surrounded by council estates with all the violence and mindset that goes with it. We don't exist in a bubble and I don't know if I can tackle the poverty of the world.

First of all, whoever thought it was a good idea to put poor people all together on an estate can kiss my butt. Seriously. My mother voiced this opinion (except for the kiss my butt part) many years ago, when referring to the high rises in Chicago.

I saw this movie on tv the other night called "Erasable You" and it was a satire. One character said, "I wish all the poor people could just go to their own island and just be poor together. Wouldn't that be great?!" The idea of council estates and high rises is just that. Put all the poor people together and then the middle or high classes won't have to mix with them.

White flight is still a huge problem in the cities and suburbs of America. If a black family moves in, the neighbors say, "there goes the neighborhood" and move out to another lily white 'hood. This flight is what causes property prices to fall, but what is said is that the value of property goes down simply because a black person moved in. That's rubbish. People just don't think logically. It happened on the south side of Chicago and I read an article called, "What if we would have stayed?" referring to the masses of white families who left the south side as it became more diverse. Chicago is practically split down the middle with the south side being predominantly black, and having a bad reputation for being a hihg crime area. "oooo the south side", the north siders side with fear and pity.

Many people before me have said it, but what separates us more than anything is not race or religion, but socio-economic status. Sure everyone loved watching the Cosby's on TV because they were upper middle class. Movies or television that depict the ghetto are just referred to as "black movies" even if the stars themselves, such as eminem, aren't black. It is fanned by both sides of the fence, the poor and the rich. If I went to see a "black movie" wearing business attire, I would not go unnoticed.

However, it is also a chicken or the egg argument. Are the poor just reacting to their oppression? Are the rich just reacting to the violence they've experience at the hands of the "poor"?

The change needs to be societal. How does a society change? How do beliefs change? Sometimes there are movements which change the government, which then changes beliefs on a wider scale, slowly, such as Martin Luther King's movement for integration. Other times, the government comes first and changes beliefs.

So what can we do? What shall we do? I don't know, but I know that I definitely want to go to law school to start to find out.

Well, hello, hello everyone! It has been a busy week indeed. On the lighter side of things, I received a package from my Mom. She sent me a big chocolate easter bunny! She also sent me a card with a cute little bunny and blue bird on the front that says "For a Sweet Daughter". Awww! I was "buzzing" as the kids say. (That means really happy not slightly drunk.) I also met Prince Edward, Duke of Kent, and spoke to him about Dreamscheme. That was quite interesting. I went to Laser Quest with the kids...all 19 of them! It went surprisingly well. I was a bit worried with that number of kids, but it went well. We did a fundraiser leafletting around the neighborhood and nearby Quays. That went better than expected, but there was a bit of hitch when we got a complaint about leaflets on the ground. Doh!

On a not so light side, I witnessed a car being stolen from a mum with a preschooler, got some abnormal medical results, saw the aftermath of a bloody fight and yelled at boys with big pieces of concrete in their hands twice for breaking windows at the house opposite.

A busy week indeed.

Again, I feel the need to start my post with 'why oh why'. Why are emotions so irrational? Why can't I just make a decision and stick to it because it is the best thing for me? Why do my feelings have such a hold on me? I realize that feelings are what make people empathetic, sympathetic and kind, but right now, I wish I could just pull the emotions out of my body and place them on the shelf for awhile. I feel like I should've just let Jason go forever back in October when our romantic relationship ended. I was determined to have a friendship, though, because I enjoyed his company and because I didn't know that many people (if any) in Belfast. I thought I was doing great, and met more people, even started another relationship, but low and behold, my feelings for Jason came back to bite me in the ass, as I cheated on new boyfriend with him.

I listen to the message on my voicemail and I think, "that doesn't sound like a woman who would compromise herself for a couple of guys." I sound assertive and confident. I feel like I am able to see myself as some others may see me; living life the way I want - living in a foreign land, doing the work I want, making choices I want to make. Yet somehow, in this phase of my life, I keep allowing myself to be swallowed up by the emotions of romance.

I feel so silly that I am depressed because a boy doesn't like me. There are children starving in every region of the world, but I am depressed because a boy doesn't like me. Some of the children I work with are abused physically, emotionally and sexually, but I am depressed because a boy doesn't like me. People the world over are shitting themselves for fear of terrorism and I am depressed because a boy doesn't like me. It doesn't seem quite right.

The problem is that it is more than that. I am doing all I can to help the children I work with. I feel I am doing my little bit to help make this planet a little bit of a better place, at least for some people, or even a few people. I'm comfortable with that. What I am sad about is that there is no one there to greet me when I get home from this work, when I'm overwhelmed by all the sadness, poverty and terror in the world, there is no one there to hold me or comfort me. I am not trying to make myself out to be a martyr of any sort, I am just saying that what I miss is not Jason, not Ronan, not any of the faces in particular; the names change as the years go by, but the need to feel loved remains. It is a basic human need that I pushed away for so long. I finally opened myself up to it again, and now I miss it. I know what I am missing and it sucks; it hurts. Yes, I want to be loved. Yes, I would like to be loved by Jason and/or Ronan. But it also hurts that both of these men ended their relationship with me and are now both involved with other women. There's also the thought of "what do they have that I don't?" "Why wasn't I good enough for them?" "What's wrong with me that they didn't want me?" Then you start thinking about all the other relationships that have ended or never even began and really start to wonder whether ANYONE will EVER want you....much less want you FOREVER.

For my honors paper in Interpersonal Communication, I researched relationship dissolution (i.e., breaking up). The point was made that every romantic relationship one will ever have will end - except for one. How can we bear that? If you got food poisoning from eating jellyfish, would you eat it fifty more times hoping that the fifty first would be the time you didn't puke all over yourself?

Well, no, because there's not a whole lot to be gained by being able to hold your jellyfish. Finding a lifelong love; now that is everyone's fantasy. It is written about in most songs, books and movies regardless of genre. "All you need is love" - the Beatles song, and a Valentine's Day card sitting in my dresser drawer. What if you have everything else? What if you love where you're living, who your friends are, what you do for work... what if love is all you don't have?

Why oh why am I such a wuss? Why do I even still care? I haven't spoken to Ronan, but I did ring Jason to ask when he was sending my belongings. I did stick to task and did not chat, but oh my heart wrenches. Geez louise, why do I care?

It is such a beautiful day today. I am trying to arrange to get away this weekend. I am overly affected by things right now, including work and homesickness and I just want a break. I am going to the cinema with Hugo on Sunday evening, but I have to fill the rest of my weekend as well.

Today I was just thinking again about how my life seems to keep repeating itself. Same story, different names, faces. The angst I feel over the Ronan & Jason drama is just another one of a series of angsts felt since I was 11 or 12 years old. I just thought, 'am I always going to feel like this?' "Will life always just be a series of highs and lows, of love and hate, of trust and betrayal; over and over and over again?" Will I never find a security of love and happiness that will last for a lifetime?

Okay, it is high time I said 'hasta la vista' to the Northern Irish boys. That's it. I'm just so done with all the unnecessary drama and the pain it inflicts on me. I've been dealing with this like a masochist just allowing myself to be hurt over and over again. So that's it. Done; finito. The numbers are deleted from my phone and even though they've texted and phoned me, I've not responded. DONE DONE DONE. You both have girlfriends, so leave me alone. Take all of me, or have none of me. I'm sick of giving only the bits you need at that given time. I deserve better, I deserve normalcy. I deserve goodness and I deserve kindness. I never made any high demands of you. I never judged you based on money, looks, idiosyncracies, ex-girlfriends or personal hang-ups. All I wanted is for you to be with me.

Jason, I opened myself up to you when I was scared to open myself up to anyone. You changed your mind, and I accepted it and moved on.

Ronan, I was honest to you about what happened with Jason and up front about my 'baggage'. I fell in love with you hard and fast and was more devastated than you know when we broke up after spending the night together with your baby. Then both of you kept changing your minds and leading me in different directions before changing your mind back again.

I never stopped loving either one of you and that is why I can not do this anymore. I can't be your friend. I can't be your acquaintance. I care too much and I fall too easily.

Ronan, when you said that you were still in love with me and wanted me back, despite my deep cynicsm of your mind not changing, I fell, which is why when you rejected me only two days later, it hurt. As I hung up the phone, I shed one tear and I promised myself that would be the last one ever shed because of you.

Jason, when I found out about you and Donna today, I felt like I had been punched in the stomach and stabbed in the chest. I can't deal with that feeling everytime we speak or even one more time at all. To continue to put myself through this would be sheer stupidity and self loathing.

So, goodbye, Northern Irish boys. I think we've had some good times together, and I hope you have fond memories as well. I would even go so far to say that perhaps we learned from each other, and hopefully, you, as well as I, will take something very positive away from our relationship. I was in such a different place (emotionally) when I first arrived in Northern Ireland and you both have brought me to where I am now. You showed me about love when I was dead set against it, you taught me what it was again, and now that I know the joy of love and being loved is precisely why I won't accept less.

Goodbye and all the best.

Love,
Sabrina :-)

Okay, don't know what the hay is going on with my blog but it seems to be posting or not posting at random. Hmm... Anyhow, things here are okay. I have been sick for the last week. Went to A&E to get nebulized (or for my American friends; went to ER for breathing treatments), found out I have anemia and was whisked off my feet and then unceremoniously dumped again by Ronan, all in a week's work! Here are a couple of email thingies I received.
---------------------------------------------
Men are like .Laxatives ...... They irritate the shit out of you

Men are like ........ Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like ........ Vacations ...... They never seem to be long enough.

Men are like ........ Weather ...... Nothing can be done to change them.

Men are like ....... Blenders ...... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

Men are like ........ Chocolate Bars ...... Sweet, smooth, & they usually
head right for your hips.

Men are like ........ Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like ....... Department Stores ...... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

Men are like ........ Government Bonds ...... They take soooooooo long to
mature.

Men are like ........ Mascara ...... They usually run at the first sign of
emotion.

Men are like ....... Popcorn ........ They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Men are like ........ Snowstorms ...... You never know when they're coming,
how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

Men are like . Lava Lamps ...... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

Men are like ........ Parking Spots ........ All the good ones are taken,
the rest are handicapped.

Now send this to all the remarkable women you know, as well as to any
understanding good- natured, fun kinda guys you might be lucky enough to
know !!!!!!!!!!

--------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Donkey

One day a farmer's donkey fell into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down into the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing!

He would shake off the dirt and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take another step up. Pretty soon, everyone was astonished as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!


Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt! The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping-stone! We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping - never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up. Remember the five rules for happiness:


1. Free your heart from hatred - forgive.


2. Free your mind from worries - most never happen.


3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.


4. Give more.


5. Expect less.


NOW - Enough of that crap.........

The donkey later came back and bit the crap out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.


MORAL OF THIS STORY............


When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always come back to bite you!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Our St. Patty's shindig went well. We are going to the cinema tomorrow to watch The Haunted Mansion with Eddie Murphy. The housing estate's management committee is hosting a meet and greet event on Monday night for the residents to meet me and Olka. I wonder if anyone will turn up! Yikes!

http://news.money.msn.co.uk/article.aspx?as=article&f=uk_-_olgbbus&t=11879&id=17257&d=20040319&i=http://news.money.msn.co.uk/mediaexportlive&ks=0&lc=en&ae=windows-1252

Another blow for coke and frankly, makes me feel a bit dumb about buying bottled water. See Brian, Dad was right!

Jason was here for a visit. He flew in early Friday morning and left this afternoon. It was such a nice time. It was the first day since I've been here that I haven't done any or thought about work at all. He was the same. It was nice to see him again and a very welcome break.

My new roommate, Olka, arrived Thursday night. She took a bus from the Ukraine. It took 36 hours. She seems nice, I just haven't had a lot of time to spend with her because Jason was here. Other people involved with our work hung out with her on Friday and today, though.

Wednesday is St. Patty's Day. We are having an event at our house for the kids to mark this holiday. Pizza and a movie at Sabrina & Olka's. We'll be making and hanging up decorations the day before (with the kids). It'll be a nice way for the young people to get to meet Olka.

A friend of mine will be arriving in London on Monday. She'll be here for nine days for her honeymoon. They are flying into Dublin for the day on Wednesday. I may be meeting up with them for lunch one day if one of their day trips brings them over this way.

Another friend emailed me and said she is getting married this week and that our other friend had a baby boy.

My college boyfriend emailed me and said he is getting engaged next month.

My oldest childhood friend (not in age, but how long I've known her) has emailed me and told me she is expecting her third child.

And then, of course, I'm standing in my high school friend's wedding this fall.

Is it me, or that a whole lot of family business going on?

I guess this is it. That stage of life thing. The starting families bit. I'm a bit shocked at it all coming somewhat at once, but I think that more pertinent emotion is fear that I'll be left out at the end of it all. I keep seeing these older women on the bus, travelling alone. They have a bag with them (as I always do) and given the way they seem to chat to everyone on the bus, I get the impression that they're not married nor have they ever been. Sometimes this has been confirmed by the conversation, but I digress. As kind and as lovely as those women are, I don't want to be one of them. I guess that is one of my biggest fears at the moment. I don't want to grow old alone.

I know I am still young (26) and I have not branded myself a spinster just yet. I just have the fear that that day will come.

I just read about that hockey incident... that is horrible. Saying that seems a bit weird though, with the events in Madrid today, though. However, it just seems so uncalled for. This is from CNN.com

"Bertuzzi slugged Moore in the side of the head late in Monday night's 9-2 victory by the Avalanche. He hit Moore from behind and drove his head into the ice. Moore landed face-first -- with the 245-pound Bertuzzi on top of him -- and lay in a pool of blood for several minutes before he was removed on a stretcher."

Whoa. And kids watch this. I don't know, it just disturbs me. You can read the whole story on
Sports Illustrated/CNN.com

The injured party, though he has a broken neck, is expected to recover.

I visited the office of the Alternatives to Violence project here in Manchester. I am hoping to go on their training and might possibly arrange training for on site here at the housing estate. Just thinking of Madrid, the hockey incident, Belfast, what goes on on this estate and everything, it is all linked to violence. It is all violence. The source of this violence seems to come from thinking that someone is going to take something that is yours. It comes from this feeling within...a lack of reciprocity almost... I know I don't have the answers, but I'll be damned if I'm just going to accept it as is.

Another email thingee....

The Cookie Thief

The woman arrived
At an airport one night
With several long hours
Before her flight.

She hunted for a book
In the airport shop,
Bought a bag of cookies
And found a place to drop.

She was engrossed in her book
But happened to see,
That the man sitting beside her,
As bold as could be,

Grabbed a cookie or two
From the bag in between,
Which she tried to ignore
To avoid a scene.

So she munched the cookies
And watched the clock,
As the gutsy cookie thief
Diminished her stock.

She was getting more irritated
As the minutes ticked by,
Thinking, "If I wasn't so nice,
I would blacken his eye."

With each cookie she took,
He took one too,
When only one was left,
She wondered what he would do.

With a smile on his face,
And a nervous laugh,
He took the last cookie
And broke it in half.

He offered her half,
As he ate the other,
She snatched it from him
And thought ... ooh, brother!

This guy has some nerve
And he's also rude,
Why he didn't even show
Any gratitude!

She had never known
When she had been so galled,
And sighed with relief
When her flight was called.

She gathered her belongings
And headed to the gate,
Refusing to look back
At the thieving ingrate.

She boarded the plane,
And sank in her seat,
Then she sought her book,
Which was almost complete.

As she reached in her baggage,
She gasped with surprise,
There was her bag of cookies,
In front of her eyes.

If mine are here,
She moaned in despair,
The others were his,
And he tried to share.

Too late to apologize,
She realized with grief,
That she was the rude one,
The ingrate, the thief!


How many times have we absolutely known that
something was a certain way, only to discover later
that what we believed to be true ... was not?

Keep an open mind and an open heart,
because you just never know ...
You might be eating someone else's cookies

Today the kids got to me. I am usually really calm and never get upset. I didn't lose my cool, but I just told them that it was their choice whether or not they were here and if they didn't want to participate, no one was keeping them there. At that point, three of them left, which still left about seven kids. I just don't know how to get the right number of kids. One week there's fifteen, the next there's two. I can't properly plan. Even when I plan for other possible scenarios, it just doesn't seem to work. The problem with today was that it started off slow, with only two kids there, so I kind of set up the project to work best that way then all of the sudden ten more come to the door in quick succession. I was able to split into three groups and then do a large group activity outside, but b/c I didn't have the latecomers' attention from the beginning, it all just went haywire. The volunteer I had with me didn't help matters. He's been the chairperson of this for years and he doesn't even know many of the names of the children. I don't know, I'm just annoyed, and not at the kids, b/c they are just being kids. I'm annoyed with myself for not planning properly, I'm annoyed at the lack of training and I'm annoyed at the lack of support. My co-volunteer is set to be here in a couple of days, so hopefully that will help matters. I guess I am just going to have to plan every day as if fifteen will turn up and go from there. It helps to have more than one other adult here as well. There's a committee meeting tomorrow night and I suppose I can bring this up there. That's another thing, the week I had four adult volunteers, only one child showed up! Oh well. I'd rather be overprepared, though...

Saturday, March 06, 2004
Sorry about the duplicate posts below. Needless to say, I was having a bit of difficulty with my blog at the time!

So much has been going on lately and so much is happening in the next few weeks as well. My brain can't seem to stop thinking about it all which is why I am here in the office on a Saturday night. Sometimes the only way to get my brain to stop is to do the things it is thinking about. I did a bit of work and now for some 'me' time.

I met a new friend this week. Sue had given me his email address b/c he works with the Young Quakers. Young being 18 - 35. Anyhow, his name is Hugo and we met up on Thursday. I was late, as usual, but was 6 minutes shy of being a full half hour late. What can I say, I'm not the most punctual person as it is, and I got ridiculously lost. Somehow I know point A and I know point B but I don't know how to get from one to the other. It's a bit annoying.

We went to Starbuck's where I had the dangerously addictive mocha frappuccino, but, surprisingly, was able to pace myself with it. Way to go, me! We talked for a couple of hours then he walked me to my bus stop (I probably would've got lost if he didn't!) and even waited over a half an hour with me until my bus turned up. So now I have a friend! Yippee!

The researcher for my company, Jude, has also become more of a friend lately. She is about my age and we are at about the same stage of life (she's doing her PhD) and we have a good laugh. Now that we know mutual people, we can even gossip! Woohoo! See, you can't do that with your boss, no matter how nice they are!

The finale of Back to Reality was last night. I was glued to the television and even voted for the first time! There were three people left and they had a vote for third place. So whoever got the least amount of votes left. I voted for both Maureen and James. My votes went along with everyone else's b/c Craig was the third place person. They then open the lines again and you vote for the winner. I couldn't bear to vote for that one b/c I couldn't decide between Maureen and James! In the end, James won and everyone had a good time. I was a bit lost tonight, when I realized that it would be on telly at 8:00 p.m. and began to wonder what I will do my evenings now! Good thing I made a couple of friends!

Jason is coming to visit me this coming weekend. He is flying in from Belfast on Friday morning. I'm starting to get really excited. I talk to him all the time now and I don't feel like we're even living in different countries. Alas, we are, so I will have to soak up all the Jason I can handle this weekend...