Dizzy again

I am so dizzy again. Since the weekend. I attribute it to my migraine medicine, so I didn't take it last night. Guess who has a headache that is progressively getting worse?

Darnit. I thought maybe my migraines had ceased due to lower amount of stress in my life. Guess not.

Tomorrow is the 7 year anniversary of Mike's death.
Tomorrow I graduate from treatment.
Tomorrow I have ballroom dancing.

The literal dizziness in my head seems to mirror the emotional dizziness in my brain and heart. I am so excited to step down from treatment and now only go once a week. I am nervous about the lack of support, though.

I thought I was completely okay emotionally when it came to Mike's death. Then I tried writing a post about it yesterday and I realized that it definitely still affects me. Mostly the memory of all that happened when he died. That was one of the most difficult things I've dealt with in my life.

My life - that I'm still living. That I think he would be proud of. That's why I'm glad my last day of "intensive" treatment is tomorrow. And I'm glad that my first one on one ballroom dance class is tomorrow. I remember the only time we danced together, was on the street corner and we attempted to do a ballroom dance. A pleasant memory.

I do miss him. I keep telling myself the pain is so much less now than it was then, and it is. But it's all still there. The pain, the anger, the fear, the grief, the sadness...all of it. Just doesn't show up as often as it used to. I miss the unconditional nature of our relationship. I miss being able to tell someone anything and know that their opinion of me won't change. I miss being able to text ten times a day about silly things. I miss the feel of his facial stubble against my hand, cheek. I miss the sound of his voice.

I miss him.