Angry Thoughts

NSFW

How is it that I had sex today and I am still in a crabby mood? Why do I have a headache now? I think there are some angry thoughts in my head that I didn’t realize I was thinking and it’s about time I let out those mofos.

First of all, Irish boy, you are a fucking coward. You wouldn’t do anything towards being with me that required you to either get out of bed or get out of your computer chair.

Secondly, Businessman, you are so afraid of commitment that you can’t commit to a one hour block of time for the next day (less than 12 hours away).

Thirdly, Marine and Air Force dudes, just because we had sex twice doesn’t mean I am going to suddenly think we are having a relationship. There’s no need to drop off the face of the planet. I remember reading an article in Cosmo years ago called, “The third date hesitate”. It was talking about how dudes think the third date symbolizes making a commitment and taking the next step in a relationship. Apparently they think that about third time sex, too.

Fourthly, guy I fucked today who shall remain nameless. I had your dick in my mouth today, I think I deserve a little more than a two word email.

I don’t expect a romantic relationship but I expect some common courtesy. Some bit of formality, I guess. Maybe just a touch of politeness?

This is getting old.

I do want a romantic relationship. Not with these dudes. But with someone. I thought finding a fuck buddy in the meantime would be easy peasy and a way to fulfill my sexual desires while I took my time finding Mr. Right. It is instead making me angry. It’s making me a bit bitter towards men and reinforcing this belief I have somewhere in my mind, or that I’ve heard a million times, that they’re all the same. That they want one thing. That when they get that thing from you (two times apparently is the norm) then they want nothing else to do with you. A switch goes off in their brain that says, “Conquered. Move on.” I am just glad that I was not actually dating these guys and thinking that there was the possibility of anything happening. Had I not just been specifically looking for sex and went out on dates and it was dudes just looking to get laid and I gave it up, I’d be crushed.

What I’m annoyed with mostly is the lack of commitment. The only thing we agreed upon was to have sex regularly. That’s it. I wouldn’t have wasted my time and “number” on you if I knew you were going to disappear after two times. I just wanted one dude to fuck on a weekly basis. Then you can send me a two word email or no email, I don’t care. I’m just on edge because I can’t even find a dude to commit to fuck. How in the hell am I supposed to find a boyfriend, or dare I say, a husband?

Yes, looking in the wrong places, etc, I can hear it now. Is it the voices of others I hear or the  voice somewhere deep inside of me and that’s why I’m really angry?