Dems Rock the House

Yay, Democrats take over the house! Rumsfeld resigned, Dennis Hastert isn't going to be Speaker and Dick Cheny went hunting again. Wowee what a day.

On a more personal note, I had quite a day myself. I am applying for rental assistance thru the township trustee and man do they make you jump thru some flaming hoops. My appointment was this morning and the lady almost made me cry by saying, "well if you don't have that form from your landlord, we're done". And I was like, huh? I thought I could get a three day extension, and she's like, "weren't you already in here for an extension" No, I wasn't. Oh, she blushes and says, "I thought you were already in here for an extension." For f*ck's sake, give a girl a heart attack, will you? And if I had not listened intently last time I was there, or not had the balls of steel I seem to have, I might have retreated out of that office with my tail between my legs crying in my beer (in my rent arreared apartment!) Man, people piss me off.

Right, so then I go to library to use the puter and who messages me but the man I can't seem to get out of my head no matter how hard I try - Ronan. Then we start chatting about the good times and my heart starts going a flutter and I'm like, damnit, I can't do this to myself again! So then I call Mike to discuss the matter and he was sh*tty and said, "Sabrina, if you want to keep getting hurt going back to the same men over and over, that's your choice." After I got over how rude he was, I thought, he's right. There are so many men in the world, in this country, in this city - why keep stabbing myself in the heart for someone who can't put his money where his mouth is (or typing fingers). As I left the building, I looked up and there was this really cute guy holding the door open for me. Yes, I thought, there are other choices and chances, I want true happiness. I see marriage proposals on tv and hear people talk about their own and I think, man, I didn't have that. I backed Ronan into a wall and he said, okay. And whenever the going gets tough, he retreats into the darkness only to reappear after sufficient time has passed that I may have forgotten the time before. He even did it in our online conversation today. When I mentioned how bad my last visit was, he suddenly had to go to the store. When I brought up something like broke my heart last time, he had to go. I absolutely abhor bringing those things up, I don't mean to dredge up the past, but those are huge things that I still don't understand and there's no way I could ever entertain the notion of Ronan again until those things are resolved. I think he knows that, but he has no intention of resolving them, he wants to have a nice chat online so he can feel the warm fuzzies (and other things) while we're online, then go back to his life, whatever that may be. Not me, I fell too hard for that business and I can't do it again. God, I can't even believe I'm typing this now. Ronan? Really? Did I actually allow him to get under my skin for two seconds again? Why am I such a hopeless romantice - or fool? Hey Ronan, if you read this - I resent you my last email, which I told you during our online conv. I came to the library tonight hoping to see a reply, which was not there. If you really want me, you need to do more than casually type a few words from your computer and get your ass on a plane and come here to America and get me flowers, let me show you around my city and make me an actual part of my life, not the dirty little secret from the messenger archives.

And that was all before lunch. I went twirling this evening. And I took a nap. I tend to do that when my emotions run high. Curse my bleeding heart!