What's My Age Again?

I didn't think that at the age of 27 I would have to worry about the men in my age bracket going for "younger" women. Well, apparently I was wrong. Mike, my old high school boyfriend, is now sleeping with an 18 year old. Do I even remember being 18? Yes, I vaguely remember talking to my friends about how now I couldn't try and climb up the water tower b/c I was officially an adult (and therefore would get in REAL trouble). She just graduated from high school last week. I'm going to my 10 year reunion next month.

Does this mean I'm officially old? Is is time for me to join the First Wives' Club even though I've never been married?

At a gathering a couple of months ago, someone said that a woman's eggs start to die when they turn 28. I was thinking, "wow, is it all downhill from here?" "Is that my biological clock I hear ticking?" "Shit, I don't even have a boyfriend!"

I asked my gynecologist about it and she said that is false. Well, what she said was that your eggs start dying off when you are born or something like that. I don't know, but she assured me that no, this was not the other side of the baby making hill I was on.

Which is another thing - I took a pregnancy test yesterday and again this morning b/c I haven't had my period in two months. They were both negative. I dreamt last night that this man who could see such things, looked at me, saw my uterus and said, "I don't know what kind of pregnancy tests you've been taking, but you are definitely expecting." Likely an anxiety dream, I know, but it was still so emotional.

Well now that the second test is negative, I'm starting to wonder if I can even become pregnant. I mean, I've been having sex for many years now and I've never been pregnant. True, that I have used protection, but my doctors keep telling me that I can't use only condoms b/c they are not reliable on their own. But I've not gotten pregnant.

I talked to one of my good old (meaning we've been friends for many years, not that she is old) friends about this and she said she had thought the same thing before she got pregnant with her child. Ronan once told me his ex had also thought that before getting pregnant with their child.

Wait a minute, now I remember Ronan was sleeping with a 17 year old when we broke up. Yes, it's all coming back to me now. Wow. And Mike was all judgemental about that when I talked to him about it, but you know what, she's 18 now, Mike, so it's okay, right?

I'm sure that I'm just overthinking this, I mean, what else is new? I just hope that one day I'll be with someone who wants to have a baby just as much as I do and we can start a family together.

That's not too much to ask, is it?

Well, I guess if the men with whom who want to have families are sleeping with 18 year olds, maybe it is.